


To Catch a Dream

by BRuh4



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire & Related Fandoms, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Infatuation, Inner Dialogue, Jon Snow Knows Nothing, Jon Snow is Not a Targaryen, Jon figures out how to lie but he doesn't like it, Jon is a bit ooc, Love Triangles, Lust, Obsession, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, POV First Person, R Plus L Does Not Equal J, Self-Reflection, Shy Jon, Smut, Unrequited Love, confused Jon, did i say lust?, fuck D&D, lots of smut, love triangle af if your into that
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-18
Updated: 2019-09-29
Packaged: 2020-01-15 17:28:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 45,583
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18503674
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BRuh4/pseuds/BRuh4
Summary: “Can you blame me? You’re the girl I’ve always wanted. Now you’re here.”“Now I’m here…” Dany muttered. “What is it you want from me?”“I think I’ve made myself abundantly clear.”She giggled, “You’ve certainly grown bolder if nothing else.”“Just trying to learn from my past mistakes.”Jon's engaged to Ygritte, but he really likes Dany. Like. A lot.





	1. Coward

**Author's Note:**

> This story is rooted in my own memories and experiences, I had the idea a while ago. Planned to begin writing but never did, but in the past couple days, my brain wouldn't let me think about anything else. Pair that with the show coming back, I was forced to begin with it.
> 
> I quickly realized I'm enamored with this story. I love it. I didn't realize how therapeutic it would be for me to get these thoughts onto a page. This whole thing was written in the span of a few days.
> 
> I debated on whether or not to release it, just writing it was enough for me. But I liked it so much I relented. If it does well, I'll continue it. If not, it'll be a one-shot. 
> 
> If you're taken off-guard by the first person, I needed it because I had to portray Jon's inner monologue to correctly relate it to my own experiences. I hope that's not an issue for you. 
> 
> This is loosely based on my life.
> 
> Enjoy.
> 
> P.S. This story contains heavily explicit language and sexual content if you missed those tags. Be warned.

 

Motherfucker, I hate going to the damn grocery store and Ygritte knows it. I can’t find a fucking thing in this place. The note in my hand almost got crushed and tossed aside, I considered calling Robb and going out for a beer instead. My head spun, reading all the confusing lists that hung from the ceiling. Those damn things didn’t help a lick.

 

I looked down at the note.

 

  1. Lettuce
  2. Cottage cheese
  3. Chocolate ice cream
  4. Beer 



 

I don’t have a fucking clue where any of that shit is in here. I considered asking an employee but decided against it. Looking around, I must be in the deli. A man stood behind a counter, cleaving into a slab of meat, his face was noticeably scarred. The right side of his face sported some burns he must have endured, I suspected.    
  


Eyes still wandering, shelves were near me but it all was bread. Referring to my list again, we didn’t need bread. 

 

This was far too stressful, I could feel myself sweating somewhat. Thankful I had chosen to wear my black button up today, so maybe it wouldn’t be so visible. Once I stuffed my note in my pocket, I used both my hands to massage my scalp, praying it would help the underused gears to start turning. 

 

After I felt several pairs of eyes on me, I bolted. I’d just walk until I saw something that resembled something I needed. Strolling for what felt like hours, I actually ended up at the other end of the store. At the section where they sell fucking greeting cards. At this point, I almost yelled as loud as I could. Is this where humanity has come? I’m a man, I drink beer, a lot. Why can’t I just sense where it is? Like a bloodhound or something, I bet Ghost could find this shit. He’s the fucking best. I feel like I need a fucking compass, keep an eye on the sun or some shit. Am I this inept? 

 

I could call Ygritte. But the last time I did that for help with something like this she laughed at me for twenty minutes.

 

How could they make a building so damn confusing --- wait… I pulled the list back out more forcefully than I originally intended, thankfully it didn’t rip. Then I’d really be up shit creek with a snapped paddle. Scanning the note, I realized all this shit was normally kept cold.

 

That meant… what? Oh, this stuff must be in the freezer section. If that was a thing. 

 

I went in the opposite direction of last time, hoping I’d find what I was looking for. Strutting past the aisles, peering down each as I moved. Suddenly, I saw something of interest. Nothing on the list of course, but an item that brought me back. Waayyy back. Like years.

 

Cream soda.

 

Fuck this shit is good, a four pack sat in front of me, I picked it up. The thought of popping one open was far too intense. I had to buy some. 

 

Memories of Winterfell flooded my mind, running around with Robb, Arya, and Rickon, drinking cream soda. Catelyn yelling after us not to be out too late in the yard, with Dad standing behind her saying we could play as long as we wanted. Goddamn it, am I crying? Holy shit, I’m tearing up over some soda. I wiped my eyes on my sleeve. 

 

The good old days, thank the Gods I convinced Dad to let me go to school with Robb or I wouldn’t have made it. All those motherfuckers spat on me ‘cause I was a bastard. Like I had any fucking say in the matter? Bunch of bitches. Without Robb and my friends I probably would’ve either gotten thrown in prison or straight up died by now.

 

High school was tough, but that’s where I found my love for film at least. I used to get into trouble on purpose because Mr. Ebrose always put on a classic film to try to ‘rehabilitate us’. Ironic, because in a way, it did. 

 

That’s when I found out about Mr. Mormont’s film elective class, I signed up immediately. The rest is history.

 

Now I’m in my last semester of college at the university, trying to get my degree in the field I’ve grown to love so much. Hopefully, I can fucking force myself to get writing again. So many ideas, so little time. Writer's block is a bitch. If years spent not writing is even considered writer’s block anymore, that sounds more like neglect.

 

What the fuck was I doing again? Oh yeah, groceries. Once I composed myself, I returned to my previous path cream soda in hand.

 

After a few moments, I saw what appeared to be the freezer aisle. Glass doors withholding product inside that had to be frozen ones, right? In a few strides, I stood before it. Yes, definitely the freezer section, because I’m now quite cold. My body is used to it, considering all those years spent in Winterfell.

 

One problem solved, another takes its place, I have to now find all this stuff in this section. Which stretches from corner to corner of the store, I felt the need to curse again. 

 

My eyes searched up and down through each door, crossing my fingers I’d see something resembling ice cream at least. 

 

Something caught my eye, again, not anything on the list, no, something much more… interesting.

 

A girl, or woman, I suppose. With platinum blonde locks, the likes of which I’ve only ever seen on the head of one woman in my life. 

 

Could that actually be her? My heart started to pick up the pace. My eyes softened at the thought, mind wandering back in time again. Back to High School, where I’d watch her from afar. So beautiful, even as a girl, so damned pretty it physically hurt me sometimes. But she never gave me the time of day, because of my bastard title. That’s what I always chalked it up to at least. Although I never asked her, Robb had spoken to her for me a few times. Whatever he reported back with I didn’t believe. Anyone who’d call another a ‘douche bag’ wouldn’t suddenly ‘not hate’ that person. I didn’t even fucking do anything to her, how could she call me that? She didn’t even look at me when she said it, even though she stood right in front of me. I hated Robb a long time for bringing about that incident. 

 

Our relationship, if you could even call it that, was torrid at best. I could remember three --- maybe five conversations, I don’t even know if any of those were one on one. Despite not talking really, I felt like I knew her. I remember the first time she walked into the room, the very first time I saw her. She had an ethereal glow. The moment was ruined when Theon called ‘dibs’ behind me, I almost fucking decked the guy for that. Thinking he could claim her like that, fucking pissed me off, even worse when they dated. Gods… the anger came back up in me now, just thinking about it. I hated the thought of the two of them together. 

 

Hindsight being twenty-twenty, I do wish I had told her how I felt. Watching her go through relationship after relationship, with me waiting, hoping somehow she’d fall into my lap one day. 

 

That never happened.

 

In a way, I knew it wouldn’t either at the time. But I was too cowardly to get the guts to speak to her. Now that I think of it, I’m not sure I even tried. Yeah… I never outright tried to start a conversation with her. We spoke to each other, with others around, but wait… no there was that one time. 

 

We were sitting on the bleachers --- no I was. I sat down, and she fucking came over and sat by me. There wasn’t anyone around and I didn’t say a damn thing other than ‘Where’s everybody else?’ Fuck. What a pussy. 

 

What an idiot I was. 

 

I must have been staring, she clearly felt the heat of my glare.

 

She turned to me.

 

We just looked at each other, examining one another. As I often remembered it, she went for a more ‘relaxed’ look, yet that didn’t take away from her beauty. Which had been magnified, by the way, she’s twice if not three times prettier than last I saw her. Her hair was put up in a messy bun, that she often sported during our senior year. It really allowed her face to shine. A gray oversized hoodie that concealed most of her petite form way down past her waist. Though I could still make out her shapely ass that I oh so wanted to touch back in the day. She must have had one of those pairs of shorter shorts that Ygritte has, ‘cause I couldn’t see anything on her legs that looked like pants. On her feet might have been that same pair of sandals she wore every day for like a year straight.  

 

I must have smiled at the thought, thankfully she returned it.

 

She opened her mouth to speak, cocking her head to the side, “Jon? Jon Snow?”

 

I laughed internally, she recognized me. I’ve been told many times that I’ve changed a lot since the old days. I almost exclusively wore my hair in a tight tie behind my head nowadays, which I never did before. I couldn’t manage to grow a beard in school, after many years it finally decided to grow. I kept my facial comely, but I had a full beard. I wasn’t ever fat, but I had accumulated some body fat in those days. I often thought I was big. Now though, I’d grown taller, and put on a much muscle as my body would allow. 

 

Her name rolled off my tongue like a whisper, “Daenerys.” I said.

 

I noticed now that we had to be at least twenty feet apart.

 

She straightened her head now, smirking, “How long as it been?”

 

Fuck me, she’s just as enchanting as I remember. Thank the Gods my knees didn’t buckle, but that didn’t stop them from feeling weak. My tongue dried out, words escaped me, feet growing cold, this has happened to me every time I thought about speaking to her. 

 

She frowned, and to my immense surprise, she stepped closer to me. “You okay?” she asked me. She still had that glow, that heat, it rose off her like a bonfire. Her face almost looked… caring? What the fuck is this? A dream? I always wondered if she was aware of the effect she had on men. 

 

I came to my senses, and cleared my throat, “Sorry, I’m fine.”

 

She smiled again, “Well, how have you been? It’s had to have been years…” Her eyes scanned me over, “Since I’ve seen you last.”

 

_ What _ is she doing?

 

“Yeah,” I found myself replying, forced to scratch the back of my head to release some of the tension from my body. “Quite a long time, now. I… I’m going to KLU here, trying to finish up my degree.”

 

“Oh?” she kept fucking smiling and I’m sure if I want her to stop or not. “Degree in what?”

 

I smiled back, “Film Studies.”

 

“Really? Huh, I didn’t expect that,” she responded.

 

“What did you expect? Business? Like everyone else who has no clue what to do with their lives?” I jested, trying to get a laugh out of her. Why the fuck is this so hard? I’m twenty-one years old, I shouldn’t be getting freaked out by girls anymore. Though, this isn’t just some girl.

 

Thankfully, she did laugh. “I don’t know,” she shrugs. “Maybe, maybe not.”

 

Now, paid attention to her eyes, those deep purple almost amethyst iris’ completely destroy me. There’s literally no other girl on the planet that has eyes more beautiful than Daenerys Targaryen, she’s got the monopoly on that one. The longer I look at them the more I feel hypnotized.

 

Along with that, I had truly forgotten just how beautiful she was. She’s not wearing any makeup right now, not that she even needs it.

 

I figured it was my turn to speak, “What have you been up to all this time?” I was actually curious, I had heard she’d become a nurse but wasn’t sure. I did know she went to college somewhere in a place called ‘Old Town’, typically where wanna-be nurses go, or so I’m told.

 

“I actually just finished my schooling, I’m going to be a nurse.”

 

Ah… I was right then. I wonder if she’ll end up wearing one of those ditsy nurse get-ups, with the short skirt and funny hat. I’d sprain my ankle on purpose to go see that.

 

“Wow, that’s great,” I replied, as warmly as I could muster.

 

“Thanks much, I’m really excited about it.”

 

“So, you’re going to get a job at the hospital here? In King’s Landing?”

 

She nodded, “That’s the plan.”

 

Oh, fuck me, I tried to contain my excitement. Wait a minute, why am I excited? I’m engaged to Ygritte. But… 

 

I stopped thinking as she went back to where she was previously, turning her back to me, this did give me an ample view of her butt which still somehow mesmerized me even now. That was what all us boys were so attracted to all those years ago. We used to rank the girl's asses… what pieces of shit we were.

 

Nevertheless, now I questioned if she wanted me to look, what that her point? I had wondered about that with her before. There were a few occasions that I can recall off the top of my head in which it seemed like she wanted me to look at her ass. Leaning over right in front of me, where I literally can’t not look.

 

I watched as she reached in one of the freezers and pulled some cookie dough chocolate chip ice cream. I  _ fucking  _ love cookie dough ice cream.

 

“Good choice,” I smirked. “One of my favorites.”

 

“Really?” she looked at me like I had just floated in on a bubble.

 

“Surprised?” I chuckled.

 

“I’ve never met anyone else who likes cookie dough ice cream,” Daenerys laughs. “In all my years of life, not one, yet it’s still my all-time favorite.”

 

That laugh, I’d heard it before, many times actually when we were in groups. It was contagious, even now I felt my lips turning into a grin. Though I remember one time that cunt Drogo had told her that her laugh was funny. As in sounded dumb, if that guy wasn’t almost seven feet tall I woulda fought his ass. Interesting enough though after that I don’t think she laughed as much, at least around him. 

 

The two of them had relations, of what sort I never really knew, they flirted a lot. But towards the end of our senior year, Drogo left, and I think Dany might’ve been a bit happier for it.

 

Suddenly, I had forgotten, she had always been referred to as ‘Dany’ instead of ‘Daenerys’, she was only called that by the principal. 

 

“There’s a first time for everything, I suppose,” I came out with, keeping a grin. 

 

“I guess so,” she mirrored my smile, then she pointed at me, or my hand, and gasped. “Cream soda?”

 

She likes cream soda too? I’d forgotten I’m still holding it. 

 

“Uhh.. yeah?”

 

“I love that stuff.”

 

“Really? Me too.”

 

For the first time, I think, I could feel some real warmth from her that I often didn’t get before. There seemed to be a connection, I don’t know what she felt, but I know what I feel.

 

My whole adolescence, I was a coward. Well… maybe that’s a bit harsh, even for me. Let’s say I was… shy. About a lot of things, especially girls, and specifically, Daenerys Targaryen. Whenever I think about myself back when I call myself an idiot for not being more outgoing and fucking telling Daenerys how I felt. But then I think about how I was so fearful of rejection, terrified more like. I always thought, if I told her, she’d go, “Eww, you? You’re a bastard.” Or some shit like that, whatever it would be it’d hurt me to my core and I didn’t think I’d be able to recover. 

 

It wasn’t until much later that discovered how to deal with rejection. My first year in college, there this girl in my class that I thought was cute. At this point, I’d never even kissed a girl, much less been on a date. But I worked up the courage to ask out on a date after class one day. Of course, she declined. I figured I melt or something. She had an actual excuse, and I went on with my life.

 

But it sure did help that when I met Ygritte she basically ‘claimed’ me. Stole me away pretty much, sure there was some attraction there, still is. But because she was the one who made the first move, I didn’t have to. I never would have otherwise.

 

So here I stand, in front of my first ever love, and I want to come straight out ask her about it. Did you know? For starters, I really wanna know what she  _ actually _ felt about me. Still think I’m a douche bag?

 

But one the other hand, I’m engaged. Should I be entering into such conversations with this girl? Ah… quite the dilemma. 

 

I’ll probably never see her again anyway, so, fuck it. 

 

“Hey, can I ask you a question?” I inquired adding the raising of my eyebrows.

 

She actually appeared surprised, but then smiled and said, “Well, yeah.”

 

I took a deep breath, I’d thought about this moment so many times. Ran it over in my mind a million times, it didn’t seem real.

 

“I’ve always wanted --- needed to ask you,” my throat went dry again but I licked my lips and powered on. “What… umm… did you think about me, in High School?” I kicked myself inwardly for being so goddamn awkward.

 

She furrowed her brow in confusion, “Think… about you?”

 

“Yeah… I… Fuck,” I cursed. “Why is it still so hard to talk to you?” 

 

Shit, that last part wasn’t supposed to come out. Fuck you, brain.

 

My eyes widened at the realization, she seemed taken aback but looked amused. 

 

I wanted to reach out and pulled the words back, but the toothpaste was out of the tube.

 

“I see,” she mused. She stepped closer to me again, “What I  _ thought  _ about you.”

 

I think she enjoys this.

 

“Well,” she continues. “What I can say is you are a much different person than the Jon Snow that I remember from High School. I---”

 

“Did you know?” I cut in, confidence coming from nowhere.

 

She narrowed her eyes for a few moments, then she perked up. “I’ll tell you what, they have a little coffee corner in the front of this place. Buy me a caramel macchiato, we’ll sit down and talk all about it.”

 

How could I refuse?

 

<><><><><><>

 

I didn’t even know this place had a coffee joint in it. She led me to it, somewhere along the way I set my cream soda down. Have to come back for it some other time.

 

I ordered her macchiato and a little something for myself. I joined her by a table where she resided.

 

I sat down across from her, the table was circular, and jet black. There were other tables around us, but no one else was here. Just the two of us… and the barista.

 

She crossed hands on the table, “So, what do you want to know?”

 

I fought the urge to scoff, “You know what I’m asking about.”

 

“Why do care about the past? What does it matter to you what I thought about you?”

 

“Well, for starters, you utterly fucking mistify me.”

 

She snorted, “What’s that supposed to mean?”

 

My index finger point at the table, “This is our first  _ ever  _ real conversation, Daenerys.”

 

“It--” her voice trailed off as she must have considered what I said. 

 

“Truly, it is,” I added.

 

She frowned, “I suppose it is.”

 

“Since you seem to be tight-lipped about this for some reason, let me just explain myself,” I sighed. “This has been a long time coming of sorts. I… always wanted to tell you.”

 

“I see,” she said. Beginning to tap her finger on the table, not looking the least bit surprised. I would’ve pressed further but the barista called my name.

 

“Johnny?” They said.

 

I heard Daenerys burst out laughing behind me as I burned a seething scowl at the person. I only took the drinks and turned back to Dany.

 

I put her cup in front of her, muttering to myself, “Johnny? How fucking hard is it?”

 

Dany bit her lip, as not to laugh.

 

“I’m glad you think this is funny,” watching her laugh, did make me smile though.

 

Between fits of laughter, she said, “You should see what do with my name, I’ve seen all sorts of things.”

 

I laughed out loud now, it felt good. I noticed I hadn’t had a good laugh in a while. We both sat there, cracking up for longer than I knew.

 

When we both calmed down, she started sipping on her espresso. While I tended to my coffee.

 

“What did you get?” she asked me.

 

“Just coffee, I like it black.”

 

She shriveled up like she tasted something sour, “Eww, that’s nasty.”

 

Strange to most people, but to me, it’s great, the way I’ve drunk it all my life. Dad was drinking some, and I said I wanted to try it. When he said I wouldn’t like it I promised I would, he relented and I did actually like it. 

 

“Can we get back on topic?” I suggested.

 

“Sure, before you were explaining yourself?”

 

“Right, well, I always liked you.”

 

I paused to gage a reaction but there wasn’t one. She kept the same expression her face, not blank but not joyful either.

 

My eyes widened extensively, “You knew?” I felt the air leave my lungs, I hope I won’t faint.

 

“Of course I knew,” she leaned forward. “I knew pretty quickly actually. You weren’t very… discreet. Besides, Jon, it wasn’t the first time I’d ever seen it, I know what that meant.”

 

I nodded my head slowly, mulling it over in my mind. I guess she had noticed my staring. Did I stare though? I always thought I wasn’t blatant in my admiration. 

 

I shook my head, “Someone didn’t tell you?”

 

Her eyes wandered away from my own, she brushed over her face with her hands.

 

Motherfucker.

 

“Who was it?” I had to know.

 

“I already knew, as I said,” she said, sipping on her coffee.

 

“But someone did speak to you about me?”

 

My best guess was Robb, or Sansa, maybe, but really I didn’t have a good guess.

 

“Yeah, your siblings.”

 

Nail on the fucking head.

 

“Which ones?”

 

“Robb…” She sighed. “And Sansa.”

 

Damn, I’m good.

 

“Had a feeling about them,” I replied. A bit triumphant despite learning my brother and sister had spread the one thing he would’ve told them not to. “What’d they say?”

 

“Robb tried to get me to go to prom with you, senior year,” She bit her lip again.

 

I did have to smile at the thought, I do love my brother. In the end, I went to prom, only senior year, and by myself. I didn’t have the gusto to ask any girl even though being a senior I probably could’ve asked any girl in the school and they might’ve gone with me. But I didn’t care about any of them, I only had eyes for Daenerys.

 

“But you were already going with Pyp.”

 

I spat the name out. Fucking Pyp. What an ass. The guy was a part of our inner circle for a lot of years, but he ended up leaving school to go somewhere else for our senior year. Yet he ended up going with Daenerys to prom because Robb set it up. Inadvertently, but set it up he did nonetheless, that’s why he went to Dany later to try to fix it. When he realized how angry I was about it. What happened was he merely offhandedly mentioned that Pyp was trying to find a date to our prom so he could be there. For reasons unknown, Dany wanted to go with him.

 

“Why'd you want to go with that guy anyway?” I scowled.

 

She seemed amused that I got worked up about something that happened years ago and had absolutely no barring on my life today. Wait a minute…

 

“I don’t know, I just… did,” she ended up saying.

 

The response wasn’t satisfying in the slightest, but I didn’t care. “What’d Sansa tell you about me?”

 

“Oh, this will probably make you proud, after we graduated, she came up to me and told me how much you liked me. She was mad, thought I never gave you the light of day.”

 

“You didn’t though,” I sighed. “You were always cold to me and I never knew why.”

 

“Hmph,” she turned her nose up. “Cold? To you? You call that cold?”

 

“You called me a douche bag.”

 

She waved her hand at me, “Oh, that.”

 

“What’s that mean? It fucking hurt, I’d never done anything to you.”

 

She gasped, “You never did anything to me?”

 

I frowned, “What’d I do?”

 

“Do you remember anything about High School?” she sat back, crossing her arms over her chest.

 

Then it hit me.

 

Sophomore or junior year, I don’t remember which, the whole high school went on a trip to this waterpark near the coast. We stayed in a hotel. Around this time, Dany had started dating Lancel Lannister. That bloody idiot. Robb, Theon, and I had heard that they were ‘messing around’, for some reason, I decided it would be a great idea to find them and make sure they didn’t do anything. This my way of getting back at her in a way. Well, we ended up chasing them around for two days straight. Theon started yelling about her getting pregnant and that stuck like gum to the bottom of a boot. Word spread around school about it, people thought Dany was pregnant or was trying to. Like she was whoring herself a bit.

 

I completely fucking forgot about that. People berated her for months, and it was largely my fault.

 

That gave her plenty of reason to call him a douche bag.

 

“Okay,” I held my hands up in defeat. “I forgot all about the thing at the hotel.”

 

“Did you? Oh, I guess it wasn’t a---”   
  


“I’m sorry,” I apologized before she could lash out at me.

 

She looked confounded that I would do such a thing but it seemed like the only thing I could do. I feel bad about it.

 

“That was some… poor judgment, but was that why you called me a douche bag? ‘Cause I can’t think of anything else.”

 

“I called you a douche bag because I thought you were one,” she said, coldly. Taking a big sip of her drink.

 

Lowering my eyes, “That’s what you thought of me, huh?.”

 

“For a long time, yeah,” She pursed her lips in thought. “It wasn’t until senior year that I realized you weren’t really. I didn’t hate you. You were funny. You and Robb were always doing the craziest stuff and the two of you together made for some good entertainment. You don’t remember me hanging out if the two of you?”

 

“Some,” I shrugged. “You just talked to Robb mostly.”

 

“You were shy.”

 

“I’ve always been shy, especially… around you.”

 

“Why?”

 

I stared her in the eyes, “Because you were the prettiest girl I’d ever seen… To this day. You’ve only gotten more distracting, even now I find it hard to focus.”

 

“Is that all you see?” Her voice lowered.

 

It’s not stunning to think people who see her for her beauty, they don’t notice the woman inside. If she got a dollar for every time someone complimented her beauty, she’d have… a lot of dollars.

 

“No, I’m sure you’ve heard the prettiest girl in the world speech a million times. That’s probably what all those other guys saw. But I only saw you.”

 

My phone vibrated in my pocket, probably Ygritte, surely worried. But I’m not thinking about that right now.

 

We both leaned in.

 

“Y’know,” she began. “My first day, you remember? I did notice you. I knew immediately that you were one of the shy kids, but there were many like you in our class. Though there was something different about you, that sullen, brooding  _ bastard  _ in the corner of the room _.  _ I asked about you and that’s what they called you. I was new to the area, Missy filled me in mostly. I learned about you, and your brother, your whole family.  _ You  _ were by far the most interesting person to me in our class. I wanted to know more about you, I’d never seen anyone like you before.”

 

I half-laughed, “That’s funny. I hadn’t  _ ever  _ seen a girl like you before or since that day. You’re special. You stood out. I noticed when you were gone and I missed you. Do you understand? There’s no one this planet like you. The hole of where your warmth used to be was so big we’d be blind not to see it when it wasn’t there.”

 

“That’s very sweet of you to say,” her voice was sweet, like a whisper. 

 

My eyes roamed over her face, the curvature of her nose, the roundness of her cheeks. Fuck, I’d never really paid that much attention to her lips, now I realize I should’ve. She’s wasn’t one of those girls to have massive breasts, and that’s fine. I can see the imprint of them through her hoodie, just enough for me. Everything about her is perfect. Goddamnit, I feel like I’m in High School again, pining after with my eyes. God, I wanted to fuck her then, so bad, it’s all I ever thought about sometimes. All I  _ could  _ think about sometimes, couldn’t get it out of my head. All those dreams I had about her, shivers cascaded down my spine just at the thought. 

 

And she didn’t shy away from my gaze. In fact, her gaze seemed to be doing a similar thing to me. 

 

Is she checking me out? 

 

What the fuck is happening right now?

 

My leg started to vibrate again, most definitely Ygritte, she’s probably just pissed off by now. I considered letting it vibrate, but the sensation and what was happening between Dany and I was not a good mix. I could feel my dick waking up and now I really felt like a child.

 

I pulled my phone out just to silence it. Once it put it back, Dany had a wide smirk across her countenance.

 

“Girlfriend?” She asked me, raising her eyebrows.

 

Future wife more like, sweet lord, now we’re at a crossroads. Quite the predicament, I could tell her the truth. But that would deflate this whole moment we’re having right now. I can’t help but not want it to end. Mislead her though? 

 

By the look of her face, I knew what she wanted me to say. Her expression was melancholic like she expected I must have significant other. She’s sad about that? Holy shit, is this real life? 

 

I… I want her, so bad.

 

How can I say that? I already have a girl, we literally just got engaged like two months ago. Ygritte’s got this whole strategy for our wedding, she’s planning the whole fucking thing.

 

I'm. So. Fucked.

 

I know what my body wants, Dany, undoubtedly, I can feel having a physical reaction to just being in her presence. But my mind, my soul said, ‘no way’ you’ve already made a commitment to Ygritte. 

 

I consider myself a good person, but am I a horrible person for wanting this? 

 

Cheating. I never thought of myself a cheater. I’ve had little experience with this kind of cheating. Of course, I’ve cheated on tests, who hasn’t? Fucking shit, could I do this to Ygritte? What if she found out? 

 

Then the light bulb went on.

 

What if she never found out? What if hid this from her? 

 

But what am I hiding exactly? I haven’t done anything, yet. This is just pure curiosity, right?

 

I still really want to know what she thinks about me. Now I can find out. What will come out of it anyway? I don’t think she’ll talk to me about unless she thinks I’m not with anyone. So I have to lie because I have to know. This lack of knowledge has weighed on me for far too many years, I can’t stand it any longer. 

 

I shook my head, “No.” The lie stung my tongue. I had to drink some of my coffee to obscure my face as to not give anything away. Though her lava-hot gaze still assaulted me in a way he didn’t know possible. 

 

I’m not sure if she even cares if it was a girlfriend, for all I know about her she wouldn’t give a damn. Everyone always told me she was a slut. Of course, I tried to defend her, even though I had no reason to. She wouldn’t do the same for me.

 

“Oh?” Her voice unequivocally questioning. “Who then?”

 

When I brought my cup back down her eyes were demanding an answer. 

 

“Nobody I knew, just a random number, I get them all the time,” I explained. Two lies in thirty seconds gotta be a record for me. Fuck.

 

Somehow, the response seemed to satisfy her. She relaxed back, downing the rest of her drink. 

 

The hotness between us had long withered away, I yearned for its return. I never knew how cold I was until I felt the warmth of the heat. 

 

I had to rekindle it. 

 

“What about you?” I asked her.

 

“Huh?” Her head leaned back, giving me an ample view of her neck. I thirsted to taste her skin.

 

I bit my lip, “Boyfriend? I had seen that guy… what’s his name? Oh, Daario, on your social media a weeks back.”

 

She stopped regarding me, her face turned from me. Eyes closed, pulled shut with some force. 

 

I wanted to reach out, touch her. Very much wanting to know how her skin felt against my own. Whatever I could do to shift her attention back to me. 

 

Instead, I sat there, staring at her, which actually in itself was pleasant enough. 

 

After some time, she looked back to me. 

 

“Daario and I had a falling out.”

 

Ah, yes. A falling out. Daenerys often had trouble keeping relationships together. All of the ones she had ended eventually, sometimes in rather explosive climaxes. For example one time, she burst into class tearing pouring from her eyes after one of her boyfriends broke it off rather violently during school in front of everyone. Every ending of her connections were usually severed savagely or out of nowhere.

 

Ha, now I know why she was in the freezer section, looking at ice cream. 

 

“I’m sorry to hear that,” I told her, and that was the truth. 

 

She inspected me, and I feasted on her eyes. I hoped she understood what I meant.

 

“As I said… I found you interesting,” she reminded me. “If you recall, I did intentionally put myself near you. In hopes, you would talk to me. But you never did.”

 

I didn’t like being reminded of my awkwardness. It only made me cringe. Her confession was a revelation nonetheless. She actually wanted to speak with me?

 

“Wow, I didn’t know that’s what you were doing,” I shook my head in shame.

 

“Why didn’t you?”

 

“Speak to you?”

 

Her reply came out as a whisper, “Yes,” she breathed.

 

I rubbed my face, trying to find the right words. I’ve thought about having this conversation so many times, ran over what I’d say and how I’d say it. But now… that it’s actually happening, I’m at an utter loss of words.

 

“I… I don’t… know,” I sighed as heavy as I could. “I’d never seen a girl you in my life at the time. I didn’t know  _ how  _ to talk to you. Your beauty threatened me.”

 

She scoffed, “Hardly an excuse.”

 

I rolled my eyes, “What do you want me to say?”

 

Daenerys sat forward, resting her elbows on the table. Eyes wide as she spoke, “You gave me the cold shoulder.” She narrowed her gaze.

 

I shifted toward her, “Fuck, you call that the cold shoulder? Geez, had you never been denied before?”

 

Turning her nose up, she retorted, “It’s not my fault you hadn’t been in pussy since you came out.” She raised her voice.

 

I crossed my arms over my chest, “Really? You go with that?” 

 

“Yeah, I went there,” she copied my body language.

 

This conversation is heads above any I’ve had in the last year. This is energizing.

 

“You think I’ve been in by now?” I asked her, legitimately curious what she’d say. Plus, I need to take this up a notch.  

 

She laughed, “You really asking me that?”

 

I nod, “I really am.”

 

I tried not to burst out in laughter as she closed one eye and turned her ahead askew as if it helped her look into my soul. Gods, she’s gorgeous, even with that scrunched up expression.

 

“How old are you?”

 

“Twenty-one.”

 

She huffed a breath upward at one of her hairs that separated from her bun and hung in her face, “I gotta say, Jon Snow. You’ve come a long way. If you’re a virgin it’s ‘cause you literally haven’t put yourself in any social situations. You’ve… changed, a lot.”

 

I scratched my face and hoped I wasn’t blushing. She basically just said I was attractive. Goddamnit, this the craziest thing that’s ever happened to me. I think she’s flirting with me. 

 

“What about you?”

 

“What are you asking about?”

 

“I’m asking about the same thing you just asked about,” I pointed at myself, then her.

 

Gods, she blushed. Holy fucking shit, my cock got excited again. Man, she makes me feel like a kid again. I don’t mind.

 

If was back in high school right now, I’d probably cower away to deal with the tent growing in my pants. But I leaned back in.

 

To my surprise, she did the same. The length of a foot separated our heads, with effort, I could go in for a kiss. 

 

“You gonna answer?” I whispered.

 

“Do I  _ really  _ have to?”

 

No, probably not, I know what I know about you. You’ve been around the block. Theon claimed to have fucked you a few times, said, ‘that slut couldn’t handle this dick’. Or something along those lines, I didn’t believe him. There were a few other rumors of her fucking dude from school, I couldn’t imagine anyone having her but me.

 

“I ever tell you how fucking mind blowing your eyes are?” Sitting there, just staring into those perfect pupils. I got lost. 

 

This is so goddamn intimate. 

 

I wonder what she’s thinking right now, something good I hope. All I can think about is how much I want her. Yet the act of longing for her is taboo, she’s forbidden fruit. Those things you aren’t supposed to have are always the most satisfying. Given my current situation with Ygritte, entering into any sort of relations with Daenerys would be cheating. But fuck, it feels so right, she’s the only girl I’ve ever wanted. It’s true, I had forgotten about her. 

 

It had changed when I saw her. 

 

Thank fucking God Ygritte made me get groceries. Otherwise, I probably would’ve missed her.

 

But what the fuck am I doing anyway? Is this who I am now?

 

Somewhat breathless, I murmured, “I’ve always wanted this.”

 

“This? What is  _ this?”  _ She blinked. “Staring into each other’s eyes?”

 

“What I mean is… I’ve always wanted something like  _ this  _ with you.”

 

She pulled a face, “Oh my lord.”

 

“Can you blame me? You’re the girl I’ve  _ always  _ wanted. Now you’re here.”

 

I carefully watched her face as I said those words. I hadn’t actually confessed my love for her yet. Her reaction was important to me. To my immense disappointment, she was hard to read, surely because she’s heard this type of chat before. Though her lip twitched, the rest of her face stayed non-committal. Well, except for her eyes, her gaze looked wider, somewhat searching. 

 

“Now I’m here…” she muttered. “What is it you want from me?”

 

“I think I’ve made myself abundantly clear.”

 

She giggled, “You’ve certainly grown bolder if nothing else.”

 

“Just trying to learn from my past mistakes.”

 

Suddenly, she withdrew from me, falling back into her chair. Leaving me hanging, she crossed her legs, gaze steadily directed at me. I retreated back my to my own seat. 

 

Did I do something wrong? Guess she doesn’t give a shit about me after all. Her withdrawal from reminded me of ripping a bandaid of before the skin is ready, some flesh comes off.

 

She pursed her lips, “I have to go.”

 

All the air left my lungs as she stood up, I hung my head in shame. 

 

“Walk me to my car?”

 

My head shot back up with a puppy awaiting a treat. Instead of responding verbally, I rose from my chair. She recognized this and started walking away. I figured this was a hint to follow her, so I did. 

 

As we paraded out of the store, I wasn’t sure I needed to say something. Her out of nowhere recoil from me still had me reeling, maybe there wasn’t a connection at all. Just in my imagination, just like most of my everyday life. I spend a lot of time daydreaming nowadays, back in the day, many of those same pipe dreams were about Daenerys. 

 

Since she hadn’t even chanced a glance at me since we began moving, I decided not to speak.

 

When left the store through the sliding automatic door, the outside world felt like stepping into a supernatural microcosm. I perceived myself smaller than normal, feeling like that child who’s embarrassed his mother. She drags him out by his ear, I’ve never had that experience. But that’s the only thing I can relate to this suffocating sensation I’m going through right now. I opened myself up to Daenerys, and she shut me down. 

 

I wanted to yell at her. But that wouldn’t be right, our conversation was enough for me. Even if I never saw her again, that’s probably for the best. 

 

Could we just go back to the supermarket and talk? That’s what I craved to utter. 

 

The outdoors were bleak, I don’t remember if it was dark when I got here. But it certainly was now. 

 

She led me through the parking lot, we aimlessly walked past my own car. I considered getting in and driving away in shame. 

 

Abruptly, she stopped. I almost careened into her. 

 

Daenerys stood in front of the car I assumed was hers. She regarded me, her face warmer than I had been feeling this last few minutes. I frowned in confusion. 

 

She spoke up, “I enjoyed that talk, thanks for it.”

 

I raised one eyebrow, “You did?”

 

My body stiffened as she moved closer to me. I had been slouching, so I straightened up now. We’re half a foot away from each other, never been this close. My chest tightened, but the beaming sun of her body loosened my skeleton. 

 

What fuck is happening right now? Did I read this whole stroll wrong? 

 

I’m a few inches taller than her, she stares up at me like I’m her favorite person. My heart beats so hard it threatens to burst out of its cage. 

 

She has to know the effect she has on men, I’ve decided. She wallows in satisfaction. I’m putty in her hands. 

 

Her index finger on her right-hand reaches out to brush against the roof of my own hand. The touch sent lightning bolts of goosebumps across my body. My erection makes an appearance again, I’ve never been more turned on in my life. She’s barely done anything to me. 

 

Much to my surprise but also elephantine enjoyment, she pulled me down by my shirt into a crushing embrace. Our lips molded together like a puzzle. I immediately gave into the kiss. She held onto my shirt by the fistful, while I wrapped my arms around her. My cock only got to full mast, by our closeness she must have felt it against her. In response, she moaned into my mouth. 

 

The kiss was euphoric, her luscious lips tasted like the sweetest honey imaginable. She opened her mouth, allowing me entry. Our tongues wrestled.

 

She pulled away to breathe, but also to spin and pin me to her car. As her form pressed against me, my throbbing manhood desperately wanted out of its prison, painfully rubbing on the zipper on my jeans. 

 

I nearly blew my load when I registered the hardening of her nipples on my chest. 

 

Her mouth mushed onto my neck, kissing and biting up and down. Her palms ran through my hair, the tie fell out. I couldn’t resist, one of my hands slid down her back to grasp her ass. Something I’ve longed to do for many years. Then my hand traveled under her hoodie to the small of her back. She continued her conquest of my neck, though I didn’t leave her there long, I needed her mouth on my mine again. 

 

After more making out, she withdrew herself. I rested my forehead against hers, our panting in tandem. 

 

She looked up at me, “Why the hell didn’t you tell me before?”

 

I shrugged, “Scared of rejection, I guess.”

 

No response given, she kissed me again. 

 

I could do this forever. 

 

Her hand wanders down to my cock, she grips it through my pants. 

 

I gasped in delight, she seemed intrigued. 

 

“Surprised?” 

 

She didn’t answer, only pulling up the front of her hoodie, revealing her bare belly and indeed a tiny pair of gym-like shorts. I didn’t know why she did this until she pressed her pelvis against mine. She lifted one leg up for better access, I got the message and held up by her thigh. She started to grind against me. Her center was hot, I wished there wasn’t any fabric separating us. 

 

We started to make out again, my other hand braced against her back to hold her better in place. 

 

This went on for some time, she clearly was getting off pretty good. Groaning against my mouth as we kissed. I fought the urge to burst. She must have sensed my closeness to release because she stopped.

 

She grinned, dropping to her knees, saying, “Good thing my hair is already up.” 

 

This can’t be happening right now. Is she doing this? Out in the middle of this parking lot?

 

I couldn’t believe how quickly she got my pants undone like she’d done it a hundred times. 

 

My member was ecstatic to be out of the stable. 

 

I looked around, thankfully it was late so there really wasn’t anyone around, just a few empty cars. The darkness was a nice cover as well. 

 

Daenerys grasped my cock, stroking it. 

 

“Fuuuuck…” I bit my lip. 

 

Peering up at me, she sensually whispered, “Do yourself a favor… don’t cum too quick.” 

 

With that, her mouth captured me. 

 

Okay, so Ygritte has blown me before. But she was an amateur compared to Daenerys. It’s hard to describe was exactly she’s doing to me. But it’s maddeningly wonderful. 

 

I’d had so many dreams about this, it’s so much better than I ever could’ve imagined.

 

Her head bobbed up and down, using a free hand to keep stroking me. I had to brace myself against her car for support, if not I might’ve fallen down. I felt my soul leaving my body for heaven’s sakes. 

 

I put my hand on the top her head to feel her hair, so soft. I ran my hand through it, carefully enough so her bun wouldn’t loosen. She didn’t seem to mind when I fucked her mouth either.

 

It’s a miracle I lasted as long I did. I did her the courtesy of announcing my arrival, “I’m finished.” She stunned me when she stayed put, taking my seed in her mouth like a champ. My climax was the best I’d had in years. It all began to feel like a dream.

 

She stood up, staring me in the face as she licked some leftover semen off her lip. The sight had my body shivering. 

 

“How was that?” She laughed. 

 

“Do you  _ really  _ have to ask?” 

 

She smiled, “Glad I could be of service… maybe next time, I’ll see what you can do with that tongue of yours.”

 

Next time? 

 

I crouched down to pull my pants back up. But I also nodded, “You’ll see. Though I can think of something else I’ll do to you.”

 

She put her hand on my chest, then explored my lower half. Her fingertips ran over my abs. Her only reaction was a moan, then she pressed her lips to mine again.

 

I did taste myself on her, which was strange. 

 

“What’s that?”

 

I nibbled on her ear, then mumbled, “You want it?”

 

She bit my lip, pulling on it, “I’m  _ hot  _ for it.”

 

“Maybe you’ll get the privilege, there won’t be any clothes to protect you.” 

 

Her swollen lips took mine again, when she pulled away, she said, “I can’t wait. But I really do have to go. I'm interviewing tomorrow morning. Do you have my number?” I shook my head. She rolled her eyes, opening the door to the car, a search began for something. Coming back out, she had an ink pen, grasping my hand she wrote on the inner of my palm. Once she finished writing, she planted yet another kiss on me. She whispered in my ear, “See you later.”

 

I backed away, as she got in her car and drove away. Watching until she went out of sight. Looking at my hand, her number written in thick marker there. I got my phone out, to enter it in my contacts.

 

I jumped as I saw I had seven missed calls from Ygritte, along with seventeen texts. 

 

“Fuck!” I cursed out loud, stomping my foot. 

 

I have to think of something. I went to my car, so I could sit down to get a plan together. 

 

Once inside, my emotions bubbled up to the surface. On the one hand, I just got something I’ve always wanted even though I’d forgotten my desire for it. But also, I’d just basically cheated on my fiancé. I’ve been gone for hours and I didn’t even get any of the shit from the store. 

 

Could I just go home and play it off? I examined myself in the rearview mirror. Based on my reflection, my appearance reminded me of what someone would look like after running a marathon. My skin was sweaty from the sexual exercises. Speaking of skin, a few spots on my neck sported some hickeys. That would be… difficult to hide.

 

I can’t go home like this, Ygritte will have far too many questions for me, and I’ll no answers for her that aren’t lies. Punching the steering wheel, cursing as I did, I knew I’d fucked up.

 

I knew it was wrong, but it felt so fucking good. 

 

I don’t regret it. Does that make me a bad person?

 

Fuck.

 

What am I going to do now?

 

The only thing I could think do was call Robb, I knew I could always lean on him for help.

 

He picked up on the literal last ring.

 

“Huh? Jon? It’s late,” Robb’s muffled voice came through.

 

“I know,” I sighed. “I didn’t wake you did I?”

 

“You totally did.”

 

“Fuck, I’m sorry,” I held my free hand to my forehead, closing my eyes. “But I wouldn’t if this wasn’t important.” At that, I heard Robb shift, get out of bed maybe.

 

After a few moments, he spoke again. “Alright, brother, what’s up?”

 

“I fucked up, bad.”

 

“What happened?”

 

“I… can we talk in person? Is Marge asleep?”

 

Robb’s exhaled made me recoil a bit, “Yeah, she’s asleep.”

 

“Can I come over?”

 

“You gotta tell me what’s up first,” Robb said. “Is it that important?”

 

I gathered my thoughts before I spoke next. There were many ways to go about this, but I went with the blunt approach.

 

“I ran into Daenerys Targaryen at the supermarket.”

 

Robb replied quickly, “Okay, I’ll see you in ten minutes.”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	2. Lie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jon visits Robb.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ugh.
> 
> Hey, I decided to continue this. So, here's an update. This has been done for a while now, but I hadn't time to put it out. I'm kinda torn about it. I needed to update this though I feel. So, it's here now.
> 
> Thanks much for the support so far but we've got a long way to go.
> 
> How about that fucking battle yesterday? Sheesh.

 

Fuck, I wanted to pound my fist as hard as I could on Robb’s door. It took some mental strength I didn’t know I had. 

 

I’m fucking freaking out, like a nervous breakdown. Seven hells, was that real? I pinched myself as hard as I could just to make sure I was having a fever dream or something. So ironic because that was really some story-book type shit. Although I’m not sure those types of short stories end with a man getting a blowjob in a supermarket parking lot.

 

I rubbed my face with my hands, then massaged my scalp. Anything to make me calm the fuck down, I can’t take this. 

 

I don’t _ lie _ .

 

I don’t  _ cheat _ .

 

Why did I just do both of those things in the span of a couple of hours?

 

Now that I think about it I’ve got no idea how long I was actually gone, and I still hadn’t said anything to Ygritte yet. She’s probably getting ready to report me missing.

 

It felt like six years before Robb opened the door, and when he did I shot past him without saying a word.

 

“Oh, hey, Jon,” Robb snorted from behind me.

 

When I regarded him, I planned to retort. But I didn’t have the mental capacity at the present moment. Suddenly, I feel really fucking tired.

 

Thankfully, Robb’s apartment was maintained by Margaery, so I at least didn’t have to deal with his constant, neverending clutter that typically filled his place. His kitchen was right by the door, in there he had a table with chairs, there I found my solace. When I sat down, I just laid my head on the surface in front of me. 

 

I heard the scuffling of Robb’s slippers against his title floor, a slight breeze passed over me as he sat across from me.

 

I didn’t look up.

 

“You want something to drink or something?”

 

“Milk, if you got it,” I replied.

 

Robb got up for a few moments, I guess he went to his fridge. I wasn’t paying attention. I did feel the vibration of a glass hitting the table right in front of me.

 

My tired brother sighed, “So, what happened? You saw Daenerys?”

 

“Oh, I saw her alright.”

 

“What’s that supposed to mean? You’re going to have to help me out a little here, brother,” Robb pointed out.

 

“Ygritte sent me to the store to pick up a few things. Which I fucking  _ hate  _ doing,” I slowly brought my head up, noticing Robb wore a striped purple robe. “I couldn’t find a damn thing anywhere. I did find some cream soda, which brought me back, do you remember that stuff?”

 

Robb laughed, “Does that have anything do with what happened?”

 

I frowned, “Not really.”

 

“Why don’t you get to the important parts?”

 

With a nod, I sat back, “Well, some of the items on the list of things I needed were in the freezer section. I think, I never found them anyway. But when I got there, I saw Daenerys.”

 

“Okay? What was she doing?”

 

Reaching for the milk, I drank all of it. Wiping my mouth with my arm afterward reminded me far too much of Dany licking my jizz off her lip. If I closed my eyes, I could see her in the act.

 

Fuck, that’s not a good idea right now.

 

“Thirsty?” Robb asked me.

 

I shrugged, “Apparently.”

 

“Where were you?”

 

“Daenerys,” I reminded him. “She was by the ice cream. Fuck, Robb, when I saw her, it was like being transported back in time. Somehow, she looked  _ better  _ than I remembered. Even in like the too big hoodie look, she floored me like she’d done so many times before. She’s still just so perfect, Robb.”

 

Robb scratched his beard, “Honestly, I don’t recall all that much about her, other than the hair and the eyes.”

 

“Anyway,” I continued. “She noticed me. We went with the classic small talk. ‘Hey, how are you?’ ‘How long was it been?’ That kinda shit. But you know how I’d always wanted to ask her what her deal was in high school?”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“Well, I asked her. She didn’t answer right away, she wanted to go get coffee. So we did. Then---”

 

Robb interrupted me, “Brother, I get the feeling is going to be a long story. But I’m really tired. Can you get the part where that explains why you’re here?”

 

“Yeah, okay, uhh… alright so, we sort of hit it off like we never did back in the day. She told me she didn’t hate me. In fact, she said that she was ‘interested’ in me at the beginning.” 

 

“Lemme guess, she took your sullen broodiness as a turn-off back then?”

 

“Weirdly accurate, but no, I really just didn’t speak her when she wanted me too,” I sighed. “But I didn’t have fucking clue how to talk to her. She said I gave her the cold shoulder. Which pissed me off at first, but then I realize she was right.”

 

“So, what? The reason you’re freaking out is that you actually spoke to a girl you had a thing for in high school?”

 

“I wish that’s all that happened,” I shook my head, watching as Robb frowned in utter confusion.

 

“Jon... what did you do?”

 

My voice faltered, the words wouldn’t come. I hadn’t actually vocalized what happened to anyone yet. Saying it made it real. Honestly, I’m still in shock.

 

I found my voice, “Alright… so, we flirted a lot. There was bucket loads of tension between us, like  _ sexual  _ tension. A couple of different times just speaking with her got me excited, which hasn’t happened to me before. I could tell she was feeling it too. And remember she is still scalding hot, even not more so now.”

 

“Jon, please get to it.”

 

Liking my lips didn’t help in allowing myself to utter it. Eventually, I was able to spit it all out in one breath.

 

“We made out and grinded on each other in the parking lot, then she sucked my dick,” Once I finished my head fell back to the table. I sat there in silence for a while, no idea what kind of reaction Robb had. If I had to guess, I’d say utterly stunned. This is so out of character for me. I feel so ashamed, but at the same time, I don’t regret it at all. 

 

What is going on with me?

 

“Oh,” Robb finally muttered under his breath.

 

“Do you see the issue now?”

 

“Yup, yeah, I get it now.”

 

“I don’t know what to do.”

 

“Gotta say, Jon, I didn’t expect this.”

 

The chair I was sitting in fell down as I shot up, “No shit, Robb, I didn’t expect it either. It just fucking happened. I’m not like this.” I raised my voice.

 

Robb held his hand up, “Quiet down, Jon, you’ll wake up Marge!”

 

He’s right. Fuck, I really don’t want her coming in here and pinching my ear. 

 

Once I got my chair back upright, I sat back down. I crossed my arms and hung my head. What a mess. Possibly one of the biggest fuck-ups in the history of my life. Well, I say fuck-up, I don’t really mean that. I’d do it again in a heartbeat.

 

But from the outside looking in, it sure must look back, a real shit-the-bed moment. Gotta say I’ve had plenty of those. There have been some big ones. Like the first time, Dad let us have the house to ourselves, Robb and I cleaned out the liquor cabinet and stole a horse from a farmer near Wintertown.

 

That thought brought a smile to my face at least. It also helped to feel the thick fur of Greywind brush against my arm and then the subsequent licking of my face. He must have come in when I wasn’t looking. 

 

“Ah, hey, Greywind,” I said. Sticking my face into his thick fur, and running my hand through it. Made everything feel okay again. Fuck, this is therapeutic. 

 

Greywind started to lick my hair, something only he did. Ghost didn’t give a shit about my hair unless it was wet. Adversely, whenever Greywind saw me he always went to lick my head.  

 

“That’s a good boy,” I murmured into his coat.  

 

“What are you going to, Jon?” Robb called out.

 

I glanced at him, “I don’t know.” Greywind went to his master's side, Robb pats his head. 

 

“Did anything else happen?” He added. In response, I opened up my palm to him, the one she’d written her number on. “Fuck, Jon.” Robb reacted with. 

 

“She wants to see me again.”

 

“Gods, Jon, you can’t.”

 

“Why not?”

 

Robb scoffs, “Are you out of your mind? Have you forgotten you’re engaged?”

 

“No I haven’t, what do you think I was thinking about the whole time?”

 

“Why’d you do it then?” Robb questioned me. 

 

A great question that I don’t have the answer to. I wish I did. I wish I could explain myself. But I can’t. It just happened. I think I’d do it again, and that feels so weird.

 

“Why would you do something like this, Jon? This isn’t you,” Robb says. “This isn’t the way Dad raised us.”

 

Motherfucker, I wanted to scream. This is becoming too much for me. But it’s true, Dad didn’t raise me this way. He raised me to be an upstanding citizen who pays his taxes and works hard. We never talked about cheating though.

 

Where you stand on that, Dad?

 

Ironic, considering you yourself cheated on your wife to make me. As many times I tried to ask him about my mom he never fucking told me. That was always a broken bridge between us. 

 

“I don’t know what to tell you, Robb.”

 

“Well, you made a mistake. You have to tell Ygritte.”

 

I shook my head, “She’ll kill me, and when I say that I fucking mean it. I wouldn’t be surprised she tried to strangle me in my sleep after I told her that.”

 

“Did you tell Daenerys about Ygritte?”

 

Geez, Robb is really making me feel bad about all this. Which I sort of deserve, but he’s not helping.

 

“No, I had to lie to her actually.”

 

Robb gasped, eyes wide, “About Ygritte?”

 

“No, about the color of my taint — Yes, about Ygritte,” I scoffed.

 

Unexpectedly, Robb laughed a bit at that. So I laughed, we had a good chuckle together despite the circumstances. Now, that helped.

 

Then Robb’s face went serious again, “What’d actually you say then?”

 

I laid my palms flat on the table, “Well, as you can probably imagine, Ygritte was blowing up my phone. When I pulled it out to silence it, Daenerys asked about it. Unfortunately, she specifically asked if was a girlfriend. Now before you get all huffy with me, I was enjoying our conversation so much that I couldn’t just derail the whole thing by telling her I had my own girl. It woulda deflated it completely.”

 

“I’m literally stunned that you did that,” Robb said. I totally understood that. I much less comprehend why I did what I did. 

 

When we walked out to her car, I figured it would’ve been a short embrace maybe then she’d be gone and I’d never see her again. But instead, she pulls me into a kiss. In my own defense, I’ve longed to kiss her for many years. I don’t fault myself for jumping at the opportunity. What came after that… the grinding, the blowjob, that was all her. I suppose I could’ve stopped her, but it’s like a runaway train. Whaddya gonna do? Besides, at that moment, the desires of my flesh heavily outweighed the pleas of my brain. 

 

Gods, it felt so good.

 

“Robb, if our roles were reversed, I doubt you could’ve walked away from what she was offering,” I told him, trying to stave off the offense of his argument. 

 

“I don’t know, Jon. I wasn’t there. But you were, and you had a choice. You made it.”

 

I hit my hand on the table, “And I’d do it again.”

 

My older brother sat forward, aghast. “You’d do it again? What the fuck, Jon? Who are you and what did you do with my brother?”

 

“You said it yourself, you weren’t there,” I grunted. “I was under her spell. Completely and utterly entranced by her, just like before, her presence warms my soul. I longed for that heat because I realized how cold I’ve been.”

 

Robb looked ashamed of me. “What, so you gonna leave your soon-to-be-wife to chase this broad around?”

 

“Goddamnit, Robb, I came because I thought you’d help me out. Not fucking berate me,” I slightly seethed. 

 

Robb rolled his eyes, but sighed and nodded, “Well, what can I do?”

 

I nervously ran my hands through my hair to get it out of my fucking face. This is why I fucking tie the shit back now, I probably shoulda looked for my tie before. Fuck, flinging my head back made me feel 15 all over again. 

 

Wait, did Robb actually just offer to help me?

 

“Well, you’re not gonna like it,” I told him. “But I need to call Ygritte and tell her instead of going to the store we went out and got plastered.” Robb’s mouth fell agape, I tried not to laugh. “I’m also gonna need to sleep here because I’m supposed to be blackout drunk.”

 

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Robb growled. “I can’t lie for you.”

 

“Damn it, you asked what you could do to help.”

 

“I didn’t think you’d want that!”

 

“Robb, I can’t go home like this for fucks sakes. Use your head. Not only did I not get the groceries but I look at me!” I raised my head to let him see my neck. All those fucking hickeys, what the  _ fuuuck  _ am I going to do about those? Daenerys fucking pulled out some of the buttons of my shirt too. My hair is down, which Ygritte really hasn’t seen all that much of since I’ve met her. It’d look really strange. 

 

“I look like I spent six hours in a whorehouse!” I added. “Please, Robb, you gotta help me. I’ll clear it all up later.”

 

Robb shook his head, pinching his the bridge of his nose. “Fuck, Jon, why did you do all this to yourself?”

 

The answer, even though I can’t physically utter it right now. Is clear in my mind, I realize it now. I did it because I wanted to. I could blame it on all sorts of things, maybe Dany took advantage of me, but that’d be a lie. I was a full participant. Perhaps it was just all the built up lust that I’ve had for her. Or the unrequited love I had for her actually being fulfilled in some way. Maybe I was blinded by her beauty so much that the concept of kissing her was irresistible. My intense infatuation with her bubbled back up to the forefront of my brain again. Now I just wanna see her right now. 

 

I really was transported back in time. Sixteen year old me would’ve done the same fucking thing whether or not I’d had a girlfriend.

 

In reality, it’s a combination of all those things. What I did with Daenerys was the culmination of five years of daydreams and wet dreams. 

 

One dream I had, we were fucking in a bed, and her parents came in. Ironic now when I think about it, considering the circumstances I’m under now. 

 

But also unrealistic, both her parents are dead. Well, her real parents. She and her brother were fostered by some people, I don’t remember their names. 

 

Her brother though, Viserys, I don’t remember a whole lot about him. Other than him being a total cunt, I had very little interaction with the guy but it’s easy to tell this dude fucking sucks.

 

My point is, doing all that with Dany felt so  _ right.  _ Like common sense, of course, we’d do that. Because I’d envisioned it some many times over. When she kissed me, those carnal desires came out of me. I did all I did without really thinking about it. I wasn’t until she drove away that it all hit me. 

 

I cheated. I cheated and I liked it. It didn’t matter that I’m engaged. Still doesn’t. Anything that Ygritte has given me pales in comparison to what Dany did. 

 

Fuck this feels like a fucked up romantic drama from a straight to DVD movie. 

 

I wonder what the ending of a story like that ends? 

 

Robb snapped his fingers, bringing me back to reality. He said, “Do you do that a lot now?”

 

“What, zone out? I used to daydream all the time, this isn’t anything new.”

 

“Yeah but not during a damn conversation,” Robb scoffs. 

 

“Hey, will you stop interrogating me?” I snapped at him. “Let’s just talk this through, first, you’re gonna pick up the phone. You’re gonna call Ygritte. Tell her you texted me and wanted to know if I wanted to get drinks.”

 

“Wait a minute,” Robb held his hand up. “What the fuck am I gonna end up taking the fucking blame for this?” He pointed at me, “For your mistake! She’s gonna be mad at the both of us because you didn’t tell her what you were doing anyway. And she’ll be pissed at me because I swayed you into getting drunk.”

 

I shrugged, “So?”

 

“Goddamnit, how can you ask this of me?” Robb exclaimed. “It’s ridiculous. It’s not a reasonable thing to ask. What about Marge? She knows I didn’t leave.”

 

“Marge doesn’t have to ever find out about this.”

 

“Now you want me to lie twice.”

 

“No, I want you to lie once, not telling Marge is just withholding information and that’s not a lie.”

 

“How could you expect me to do this?”

 

“Because you’re my brother for crying out loud, fuck, dude, you’re supposed to do shit like for me,” I nearly shouted. “I’d do it for you.”

 

“God, you should just tell Ygritte the truth.”

 

“What’s gonna happen if I do that? She’ll break off the engagement.”

 

“Isn’t that what you anyway?” Robb scoffed. 

 

“What?” I frowned. What the fuck is he saying?

 

“You’ve got this girl you’ve always wanted, you already cheated on the girl you’re supposed to be with. Just come out with it, Ygritte will probably beat the shit out of you, and break up with you. Then you’ll get to be with Daenerys,” Robb shrugs.

 

I can’t tell if he’s serious. Is he being serious?

 

“You think I want that? I love Ygritte, I don’t want to lose her.”

 

Robb narrows his gaze at me like stalking prey. 

 

“Do you? Do you really?” He says.

 

“Yes!” I threw my hands in the air. “Why do you think I asked her to marry me? Would I have done that if I didn’t love her?”

 

“Fuck if I know, I feel I don’t even know you anymore.”

 

I pinched myself again to make absolutely sure I wasn’t dreaming right now. What is this conversation? Robb has never said this kinda shit to me. 

 

“Seven hells, Robb, what are you doing?”

 

“I’m just trying to make sense of all this,” Robb said, slapping his forehead. “This is crazy. Help me understand this, Jon, why did you do it? I have to know.”

 

He keeps  _ fucking  _ asking me that. 

 

“You don’t understand, you can’t physically understand, Robb,” I told him. “Even if I tried to explain it, you can’t comprehend it.”

 

“ _ Try _ me.”

 

“Fine…” I then took a few moments to attempt to gather my thoughts in a coherent way. The thing is we are just so different personality wise. I don’t think Robb can ever understand what I did and why I did it. Because he would’ve spoken to Daenerys way back when. “Alright, imagine if you can, there’s this girl that you really like… but you don’t know how to talk to her. You rob yourself of that interaction. The two of you never truly speak, never a one on one conversation. You assume that she hates you. Later, you learn that not only did she not hate you, she wanted a connection with you. Now, she’s clearly is interested in you, of course, you want her because you always have. When the time comes, you have an opportunity to  _ have her  _ as you’ve always imagined… I couldn’t turn it down.”

 

Robb rocked back, taken aback, I imagined he hadn’t thought about it that way yet. Thankfully, that seemed to satisfy him. Which blows me away, honestly. This is something he doesn’t have any context for. 

 

“It’s like finally getting the fulfillment of several years of your life, Robb. Can you imagine getting the one thing you’ve wanted since you were young?” I clenched my fist, hitting on the table. “That’s what this was. Dreams coming true.”

 

Robb pinched his temple, “I can imagine it, Jon.”

 

“Then maybe you can understand,” I sighed, shaking my head. “I… don’t regret it. I don’t. I’ll tell Ygritte… I will. But I need you to do this for me, bro.” 

 

This isn’t easy for Robb, and I get that. But he’s being kinda being a hard-ass. 

 

“I’ll owe you one,” I added. 

 

“I do this, you gotta promise me something,” Robb pointed his index finger in the air. 

 

“Yeah, sure, anything.”

 

“You had your fun, let it end. Don’t call Daenerys.”

 

“What?” My eyes widened at the thought. 

 

“It’s for your own good, Jon. Seeing her brought things out in you I’ve never ever seen, and I’ve known you your entire life. You’re not a liar, Jon. The fact that the act of lying came easy to you with this… it unsettles me,” Robb shivered, I saw him shake. “You became a different person.”

 

Was it for the better though? I haven’t had more fun in a long time than I did with Daenerys. I have to see her again, I must. We don’t have to fuck, why don’t we just be friends like we should’ve in high school? Yeah, I can do that. 

 

Can I? 

 

It is true, I did lie, and I almost never lie. I don’t particularly like lying, the way it makes me feel, so dirty. Kinda like after you jerk off, you feel like you need a shower afterward sometimes. 

 

Maybe I did become a different person, but is that a bad thing though? I fucking hated who I was before. That sad, sullen piece of shit, I hate that’s how I was. I’m still like that sometimes. But I sure as shit wasn’t that tonight, with Daenerys. And I was that way  _ because  _ of her. I liked how that felt, to be outgoing, to be confident. 

 

I didn’t feel dominated with Dany as I do with Ygritte. My Fiancé can be… aggressive. Don’t get me wrong, I love the girl. But when she literally hits me because I fucking forgot to start the dishwasher before bed… I want to yell. We don’t fight a lot. That’s mostly because I relent to her a lot, we do whatever she wants to do because I don’t want to be hard to get along with. She wears the pants, for sure. 

 

Which makes me feel… inferior. 

 

I didn’t feel inferior to Daenerys. We were the same, equals even. 

 

Fuck me, just thinking about her makes me crazy. How could I ever stay away?

 

“What… if I can’t?”

 

“Stay away? Please, Jon, it’s just a girl. You’ve already got whom you’re also engaged to,” Robb said.

 

“It’s not just any girl, Robb. It’s Daenerys Targaryen. She’s not like anyone else.”

 

“This is your own damn fault, you could’ve had her years ago,” Robb points out. 

 

He’s not wrong, I was a pussy for sure. But I think I can have her now. There’s still Ygritte though, fuck I’m in quite the pickle. 

 

Is it gonna come down to a choice? Fuuuuck I hope not, I can be really fucking indecisive sometimes. Well, I already know Robb’s vote at least. 

 

“Hey, why don’t you just call her yourself?” Robb suggests. “Leave me the fuck out of it.”

 

I laughed, “Are you kidding? What does it look like if she sent me to do something, and I completely do a 180 and go get drunk? By myself? Who the fuck goes drinking by themselves, who aren’t depressed, dying, or deeply entrenched in a search for a significant other?”

 

Robb gave me a pointed glare, “You are definitely  _ one  _ of those.”

 

“I’m not… deeply… en— Shut up,” I frowned. 

 

“Promise me, Jon,” Robb shrugged. “Promise me and I’ll call Ygritte if you don’t you’re on your own.”

 

Fuck.

 

“Just some tough love for you, Jon,” Robb says. “I’m supposed to be taking care of you, remember?”

 

Ah, yes, take care of me, that’s what Dad told you to do. Pop was a great man, if cancer hadn’t got him four years ago, he’d still be out in the yard, cutting grass or planting a tree. I was seventeen when he got diagnosed, he died that same year. It fucking sucked. Looking at Robb, He was thinking about this too. 

 

_ On his deathbed, Dad took Robb’s hands and he said, “Son, you’re the man now. You gotta take care of your family. It’s gonna be hard, for a long time, but you’ll get through it. I know you will. Hey… take care of your brothers, Jon, Bran, and Rickon. Your mother has got your sisters, but you gotta watch over your brothers.” I watched from behind as Dad pulled Robb close and whispered in his ear. I’ve got no idea what he said, but I’m positive it was about me.  _

 

Part me wishes he was still here so he could advise me on my current situation, but also, in a way, I’m glad he’s already over the rainbow bridge. That way, I don’t have to suffer the realization that he’s disappointed in me.

 

I know he wouldn’t agree with my choice. But he always gave the best advice no matter what the topic was. I think he’d understand my strife. I probably do whatever he advised me to. Nothing hurts worse than your father being disappointed in you. Especially as a man, I’d rather get punched in the face. It hurt to know that he’d probably be disappointed in me now. 

 

All of a sudden, I’m feeling depressed. 

 

Robb’s sniffling brought me back to the present, a singular tear streamed down his cheek. I felt my eyes begin to water as well, but I wipe them off.

 

“Fuck, Jon, you got me crying now,” Robb half-laughed, he hit his fist against his chest a few times to combat his emotions. 

 

“Sorry,” I whisper. “I didn’t mean to.”

 

Robb cleared his throat, “So, what’s it gonna be, brother?”

 

A complicated question, that begs a complex answer.

 

One course of action is to promise Robb something I’m not sure I can abide by. But it will stave off the potential onslaught from Ygritte, I think.

 

Or, don’t promise and figure it out himself. Which I assume would entail going home in my current state. Where Ygritte would be waiting for some kind of explanation. 

 

Both choices produce lies. 

 

I’d have to lie to Ygritte about where I’ve been. My promise to Robb ain’t something I think I can keep. 

 

Funny that Ygritte gets lied to no matter what I do. 

 

The clock is ticking. I need to make a decision.

 

An important thing to consider is where I want to be with all of this. What is the most favorable outcome for me? 

 

Fuck, I don’t know that either.

 

The easiest answer is Ygritte, I shouldn’t see Dany and go ahead a marry my betrothed. Though that doesn’t seem like the obvious decision. It should be though. 

 

Gods, there’s still Daenerys. As I sit, I yearn to touch her again. My cock twitched in my britches at the thought of entering her. My body aches with longing for her. 

 

I have felt this way about Ygritte, but not now. All can see is Dany. 

 

What path does Dany lead me down? Stringing Ygritte along while I fuck my fill of her? 

 

What if they find out about each other?

 

Fuck that, I can’t let it happen. There won’t be anywhere I could hide from their wrath. But Ygritte has to know… doesn’t she? I did just tell Robb I would tell her. 

 

My brain starts to pound, a headache coming on from all my mental contemplation. 

 

Decisions are hard. 

 

My heart and mind battled for dominance over this choice. The mind knew that Ygritte was the correct choice, the moral choice. But the heart longed for Daenerys, an oppositional choice. 

 

My body tended to agree with the heart.

 

Let’s say I wanted to be with Daenerys. What the fuck am I supposed to do? Leave Ygritte? Stay with Ygritte and fuck Dany all the same? No. I can’t play both sides. I have to choose a side. Devote my full attention to one of them, it’s the only way to proceed. 

 

But can I choose? Can I send one of them packing?

 

A part of me thinks I’ve already chosen, I proposed to Ygritte. That’s supposed to be choosing her to be with for the rest of my days, and I wouldn’t have any issue with that had I not run into Dany. After seeing her, it’s all muddled, my mind is cloudy. 

 

I closed my eyes, yet spoke, “What if I can’t keep my promise?” I kept my eyes shut to avoid Robb’s gaze. 

 

“You know just as well as me, you shouldn’t ever promise anything you don’t intend to keep. If you don’t feel like you can stay away from Daenerys… fuck, I don’t know. That’s tough,” Robb said. “Was… uh… it that good?”

 

My eyes shot open, and I nearly burst out laughing. 

 

“Are you seriously asking me that?”

 

“What else would make you want to see her again?” Robb points out. 

 

“I’ll humor you,” I smirked. “I wouldn’t be surprised if Dany could suck a golf ball out of water hose. What she gave me was twice if not three times greater than any other girl.”

 

“Even Ygritte?”

 

“Even her.”

 

“So it’s just for the sex, then? I see,” Robb shakes his head. 

 

I lean forward, “It’s not just because of that. Though that is… a factor.”

 

“What then?”

 

“You remember her, Robb. The way she lit up a room, all eyes on her at all times. Her stunning beauty paired with her equally stunning personality. You recall just how attractive she was, multiply it by five. Gotten better with age just like fine wine, the sweetest forbidden fruit you can imagine. I’ve told you how much I wanted her. Now she’s here and she wants me too. How can I turn away from all my pent up adolescent desires?”

 

“People fight off desire all the time, Jon,” Robb panned. 

 

“Yeah, like not eating cookies—“

 

“No, Jon like desiring other women when you’ve already got one, the desire to cheat,” Robb tried to explain to me. “In most cases, I’d say turning away from ‘adolescent desires’ is probably a great idea.”

 

“This isn’t just a desire like: ‘I really wanted to be a firefighter, but I decided to go to law school instead’. We’re not talking about a situation like that.”

 

“Then what are we talking about?”

 

“We’re talking about a person. Not a car, profession, or idea, I’m talking about a person. Saying I ‘liked’ this girl would be an understatement. I was infatuated with her, she was the only thing I ever wanted… and I never got a chance to have her. But, then I run into her at the store. Now we’re here,” I sighed, beginning to doubt Robb could ever comprehend where I’m coming from. He literally has never been through what I have. He could have any girl he wanted, whereas I myself struggled to even speak with them. He doesn’t understand pining after someone like I do. 

 

I pounded my fist on the table, “Are you going to help me or not?”

 

His face stayed somewhat blank, “Swear it, Jon. It’s for your own good.”

 

“What the fuck do you know what’s best for me, Robb?”

 

“I’ve known you your entire damn life, Jon. I know exactly who you are. The Jon I know doesn’t do this shit, okay? I don’t want you doing this. The only reason you did was ‘cause it was Daenerys. I get that. But let it end, swear it and I’ll call. But that’s it, and you have to clear it up yourself. I’ll help you because you need it. You look like a wreck right now and if you go home like this… Ygritte will freak the fuck out,” Robb gestured at me to emphasize his point. “That I can understand at least, Marge would have a million questions for me if the roles were reversed.”

 

If you asked me right now, I’m not sure there’s any way I could stay away from Daenerys. That’d mean I’d end up lying again, to Robb, probably the one person on earth I should never lie to. 

 

I really don’t like lying. It makes me feel… filthy. Yet I’ve lied a few times in just a few hours. The crossroads at which I reside in front of now, either path leads to me lying again. Either I lie to Robb, saying I won’t see Dany again when I most definitely will. Or go home like the wreck I am, and make up some half-baked story to tell Ygritte. 

 

“I can’t promise you, Robb. I just can’t,” I hung my head. “I don’t want to lie to you and say I won’t see Daenerys again. Because I don’t think I have enough strength to deny myself her.”

 

Robb smirked, “I see.”

 

“Just something I gotta do.”

 

“What about Ygritte?”

 

“I’m not sure yet.”

 

“Just don’t lead them both around, okay? Make a decision, stick to it.”

 

I stood up, “Well, the only place I can go now is home. I’ll just have to think of something to explain myself. Hopefully, she won’t stab me to death.” I watched Robb stand up, he came over and we embraced. 

 

He patted me on the back, “Gotta face the music some time, huh?”

 

“Nows a good a time as ever, I guess,” I reply, letting him go. 

 

I left without the two of us exchanging any more words. He clearly felt bad for me, I sensed that.

 

<><><><><><>  
  


 

During the drive home, my hands gripped the wheel so tight my knuckles must have been white as snow. 

 

I decided this was the best time to gather my thoughts. I still hadn’t said anything to Ygritte, and she had continued to text and call me. I read a few texts out loud: 

 

_ Jon, where are you? How long does it take to go to the store?   _ Sent at 11:23, by this time I’d been gone about two hours. 

 

_ I’m getting worried now.  _

 

_ Jon, honey, has something happened? _

 

_ Okay, where the fuck are you? Did you get lost in the store again? Seven hells.  _ Typical Ygritte, turning her frustration into anger, sent at 12:32.

 

_ Why the fuck aren’t you responding to any of my texts or calls? Jon, if this is some kind of joke it’s not fucking funny. I’m really worried.  _

 

_ You’ve been gone for hours. I haven’t heard from you in at least 4 hours, Jon. At this point, I’m so angry at you I can even quantify it. If you’re not lying dead in a roadside ditch right now, I might put you there myself.  _

 

_ I really can’t fathom anything that would make you take this long to go to the supermarket. Goddamnit, where the fuck are you?  _ Sent at 2:36, this was one of the most recent texts. I decided not to read any more of the others.

 

Also accompanying the bevy of text and calls, where a shitload of voice mails that I’m terrified of listening to. Fearing she might be yelling so loud my eardrum will collapse. 

 

I really don’t have any idea what to say to her. 

 

What can I say to her?

 

The truth?

 

‘Hey, Babe, the reason I’m so late is I ran into Daenerys Targaryen. You don’t know her but she’s super hot, I’m kinda in love with her. Anyways, we engaged in some sexual activities in the supermarket parking lot.’

 

Oh, yeah, that’d get me a long way. 

 

I pulled my car into a space out in front of our townhouse. Making sure to turn off my headlights as I came in as to not announce my arrival, being as our door as on the ground floor, and the window by our door always captures the light beams from cars. Often the light pierces through and brightens our living room, whenever someone else pulled their car in into the lot. We’d tried everything to stop it, even thick black curtains, nothing worked. 

 

I searched my car for a hoodie so I could at least cover my neck, I found a black one that said ‘i'm tired’ on it. I pulled it over my head. 

 

Then there was the number written on my hand, I examined my palm. It had begun to smudge, but you could still tell it was a phone number. I’d just have to keep my right fist clenched or hold it behind my back. Both look bad in their own right, either I’m pissed off or I’m hiding something. 

 

When I stood in front of the door, I did so for longer than I knew. Holding my keys in my hand, I puffed the hood of my jacket up to better conceal my neck. I didn’t want to put over my head, that’d make me seem nervous. Which I am, but I don’t wanna appear that way. 

 

Fuck, I hope she’s asleep. 

 

Literally as slow as I could manage, I pushed my key into the lock. When I turned it, I remembered just how fucking loud this sounds. Literally, like gears clunking together in a grandfather clock. Cursing under my breath, I unlocked the door. But I didn’t open it yet. 

 

My heart is positively pounding right now. 

 

I took a deep breath and pushed the door open. Not enough to reveal myself, though. I saw that it was mostly dark inside. I hope this is a sign she’s gone to sleep. 

 

I poked my head through the doorway to take a look. 

 

Our apartment was designed similarly to Robb’s, if you took one step inside, the kitchen was directly to your left. Straight ahead resided the living room, a TV which was left on. At the moment, the brightness from the screen was the only light in the room. She left the news on, I noticed. Probably waiting to hear about a car wreck in which I passed away. We have a coffee table and couch sitting in front of the TV. 

 

Oh, man, I just remembered all the shit we’ve done on that couch. Oh my goodness, no one will ever want to buy the damn thing. 

 

I didn’t see Ygritte anywhere, I assumed she’d went to bed thankfully. 

 

Stepping through into the space, I slowly closed the door. 

 

As soon as the door snapped closed, and I mean the very second, I heard something behind me. I shot back forward as quick as I could. One of our overhead lights came on and I was nearly blinded. Forced to cover my eyes from being in the darkness for so long. When I got my bearings again, I nearly leaped into the air when I saw Ygritte standing just a few feet from me. 

 

“Why didn’t you call me?” She said, cocking her head to the side. Why does this feel like a fucking horror movie? I had expected her face to be full of malice but instead, her expression was soft. Her eyes left full of pity, which confused me. 

 

Why isn’t she tearing my throat out right now? 

 

“Uh… What?” I could only say.

 

She pulled me into a hug, squeezing me tighter than she ever has. 

 

Okay… now I’m  _ really  _ confused. 

 

“Robb called, he told me everything,” She said into my chest. I wrapped my arms around her. 

 

So Robb came through after all, dope. 

 

“But… why, though?” She added. 

 

Now I tensed up. What did Robb tell her? There’s no way he told her about Dany, right? Right?!

 

“He… told you… everything?”

 

“Yeah,” she nodded, looking up at me. “How you had one of your panic attacks, you called Robb so he could come to get you. The two of you went out for a few drinks so you could calm down, right?” 

 

I widened my eyes and stifled a laugh. Made sure to clear my throat before I spoke again, “Yeah…”

 

Panic attacks? That’s what Robb came up with? I probably shouldn’t be complaining but he made me seem weak. I haven’t had a panic attack in five years or so. 

 

“What triggered you?”

 

“You know I can’t find a fucking thing in the supermarket,” I sighed. Not a total lie, actually very much true, I couldn’t find anything.

 

“Gosh,” she pressed her head against me again. “I’m sorry.”

 

I began to stroke her hair, “It’s not your fault, babe.”

 

“What can I do to make it up to you?”

 

“Don’t worry about any of that,” I whispered.

 

She let go of me but put on her hands on my cheek, she smiled but then it immediately faded. ”Hey, why is your hair down?” Her fingers ran through my dark tresses. A sensation I’m now beginning to enjoy after Dany did it. Still pretty good when Ygritte tries, it’s not something she typically does.

 

“Your hair is never down,” she adds, her gaze narrows.

 

Seven hells, this is ridiculous. I lowered my chin to better hide the hickeys, and my right palm was pressed hard against my thigh. 

 

“It… must have come loose at some point,” I said. “I didn’t even notice it was gone at first.” Goddamnit, I feel like I’m walking through a minefield, any misstep and it all blows up in my face. I feel like I’m sweating again.

 

“Okay, well, I kinda like it.”

 

“Really?”

 

“Yeah, it’s different.”

 

I laughed, “Okay.” I took a second to look her over now, she’s maybe a few inches taller than Dany. A bit skinnier, perhaps, yet her features don’t lack in any way. Her breasts were always enough for me, and I know her ass like the back of my hand. She’s really pretty too, I love her red hair. I didn’t think I liked redheads until I met her. 

 

The memories of our first meeting flooded my brain, it was a few years ago. We met at a party at KLU, she literally pulled me aside as I walked past her. We chatted up and ended up fucking in a broom closet. That was my first time but by no means hers. It was clumsy at best, in the best way possible. I had no idea what I was doing. I just tried to do what I’d seen in all the porn I’d seen. A guy like me, who’d never even been with a girl up until that point… I’d seen a fuckload of porn. Huh… fuckload, that’s funny. 

 

She came back for another hug, this time she dug her nose in my chest. I wrapped my arms around her back, my own nose buried in her hair. It felt good. But she recoiled suddenly, with a frown on her face.

 

She backed up, “Are you… are you wearing perfume or something?” She leaned back in a sniffed at me. 

 

Oh my fucking god, it’s over. I’m done for. What the fuck am I supposed to say to that? I guess Dany’s scent rubbed off on me. I had considered this, which was another reason for wearing the hoodie. 

 

“What? No.” I denied it.

 

To my surprise, she waved it off, “Whatever, I’m probably just tired. You coming to bed?”

 

I shook my head, “Yeah, in a bit, I’m just gonna grab a glass of water.” She nodded and took off around the corner. I pulled my phone to text Robb, but I saw I already had a text from him:

 

_ “Don’t say I don’t do anything for you.” _

 

I quickly sent one back, “ _ Hey, thanks, man. You saved my ass.” _

 

His response was, “ _ I love you, brother. Don’t ever fucking forget that.” _

 

_ “You too, bro.” _

 

I shoved my phone back in my pocket and went to the kitchen. When I reached to open the fridge, my eyes zoned in on my hand. My right, with Daenerys’ number on it.

 

My head shot backward to make sure I’m alone. When all seemed quiet I got my phone back out, thumbing over to make a new contact. The number had been blurred significantly, but I could make it out. 

 

Once I had it safely saved, I scrubbed my hands with soap in the nearby sink, had to remove the evidence.

 

As I dried my hands, I took a deep breath. Feeling like I just got away with murder. 

 

Seven fucking hells, what the fuck am I doing?

 

Where’s Ghost? Looking around for him, he’s nowhere in sight. I figured he must be in the bedroom with Ygritte. My body moved in that direction without even thinking about it. Feeling exhausted, sleep sounds like a welcome embrace.

 

When I get in there, I see indeed Ghost is sprawled out on our bed. With Ygritte on her side, seemingly sound asleep. 

 

As tempting as it is to jump into bed and fall fastly asleep, I’ve got lies to uphold. 

 

Wow, that sounds weird.

 

Quietly, I went into our bathroom and shut the door. Once inside I stripped off my upper layer of clothes. Actually getting a good at myself in the mirror, there were three distinct hickeys on the left side of my neck. There are even a few scratch marks on my chest. Despite all this, I thought I looked pretty good. 

 

The temptation was too great. Getting my phone out, I took a quick picture of myself in the mirror. My neck standing out clear as day. 

 

Then, I texted Dany:

 

_ “Marking your territory?”  _ After it sent, I attached the picture of me. 

 

It’s probably a good idea to hop in the shower real quick so I can wash off Dany’s scent. Once I got my pants off, the hot water felt so damn good. I don’t normally go for a hot shower, but it felt appropriate given the circumstances. That heat that surrounded me when I was with Daenerys, I wanted — needed more. 

 

If I closed my eyes, I could see her right in front of me. I’d never forgotten my view of her sucking my dick. Even now, I imagined it. 

 

The urge to jerk off came quickly, I fought it back. 

 

As I was drying off, I checked my phone. 

 

One text from you know who. 

 

_ “Is it that obvious? I like what I see.” _

 

I snorted and responded, “ _ You can see more if you want.” _

 

_ “Can’t wait,”  _ she replies with a winky face. 

 

_ “Maybe you don’t have to.” _

 

_ “Nah, it’s better in person.” _

 

Blood rushed to my cock after reading that, I tried to not think about it too much but it proved difficult. 

 

Once I got my pajama pants on, I climbed into bed. I’ve got class in the morning so hopefully, I can get up and get the fuck out of dodge before starts asking me questions again. Barely making it out by the skin of my teeth is not something I enjoy doing, nor would like to continue to do. I haven’t yet considered how to proceed with this whole situation yet. 

 

The pull towards Daenerys can only be described as being taped to a bike going down a hill. At a speed, you are very uncomfortable with, yet don’t mind the thrill. In fact, the thrill is so enticing, your mouth waters for it. You don’t know what’s gonna happen if you hit something going down, or if the bike might break apart. Yet you were the one who got on the bicycle, no one forced you. You didn’t resist being taped to it. 

 

It’s a weird feeling, I’m not familiar with it in the slightest. I consider myself a rule-follower most of the time. 

 

This is not following the rules. 

 

Goddamnit.

 

Did I make a mistake? Probably. Do I regret it?

 

Yes… wait, no. 

 

What did I get myself into?    
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What I tried to do with this one was kinda better help you understand what Jon did and why he did it. He's merely blinded by his childhood affection for Dany. The important thing to note is that his affection wasn't ever recognized and that's a big thing to him. When it becomes recognized he forgets about everything else because it's something he's always longed for.
> 
> As we move forward, the main themes will essentially flood the plot. If you haven't picked up on them yet: Desire, Lust, Unrequited love, and deception are the main ones so far, and more to come.
> 
> I did put in the tags that Jon is a bit OOC. I meant that. His central values are still there, he just... ignores them some. He's just really conflicted and that clouds his judgment. He wants to do what's right it's just that he doesn't know what to do.
> 
> Umm... yeah that about sums it up.
> 
> Do leave a comment, I really do need those. Let me know what you thought.
> 
> Tell your friends.


	3. Easy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath of Jon and Dany's encounter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sup.
> 
> Took me a while because there's a lot of inner monologues and for it to seem real I feel like writing has to come naturally. So I don't force myself to write this. It needs to feel fresh off the fingertips, and because of this, everything that gets on the page came right as I typed it. A lot of this story isn't planned. I've got a loose idea of what I'm doing and how it'll end, but the chapters are written with little idea of where they're going. It just comes out of my brain at will and if I like it, it stays. It's important to me that Jon's thoughts feel authentic as well. Thankfully, it's going well so far.
> 
> I tried to do a little bit of humor with this one. Lemme know if it hits. If not I'll omit humor from further chapters.
> 
> I've appreciated the support so far and I hope it keeps coming.
> 
> Also, Fuck D&D to all Seven Hells, worst ending ever.

My eyes shot open like blinds fluttering up. I sat up in the bed, head snapping to the left, Ygritte isn’t there. 

 

Fuck.

 

I’d hope to wake before her and get the fuck out of dodge before she could bombard me with more questions. Also, I have a class this morning. By a glance at the clock on my bedside table, I’m running a tad bit late. 

 

Jumping out of bed, I slowly make my way to the door. Sticking my head out, I called her name, “Ygritte?”

 

“In the kitchen!” 

 

I really didn’t want to come out, but the smell of food assaulted my senses. 

 

Pancakes, bacon, and eggs, I knew it without actually seeing it. I did have the wherewithal, to look myself over. Going to the mirror to check on my neck, a quick internet search told me that rubbing toothpaste on hickeys can have a mighty effect on them by the next morning. Thank the Gods, it had worked. Not entirely gone, but had definitely faded considerably. If Ygritte walked in on my now she’d see a giddy man fist pumping.

 

Going to bed in just boxers wasn’t something I recall doing though. Anyway, I put on a shirt and my favorite pair of sweatpants. 

 

Trying to sneak around proved physically impossible because after two steps outside of our room I was savagely attacked by Ghost. He legit jumped on me, tackling my ass to the floor. Honestly, not much to complain about just surprised me is all. I laid on my back as Ghost straddled my torso, trying his mightiest to lick my face. Somehow, I wrestled him to the ground. Squeezing his form against my own, I rubbed my face in his neck. 

 

My head shot up as I heard Ygritte giggling, Ghost still blocked half of her body. Though I could tell she had white tank top… fuck, nothing underneath. I let the doggie go to get a better look. 

 

Yup, her nipples were poking pretty hard. 

 

I haven’t yet got a good look at Dany’s tits as of now, that being said I am  _ very  _ familiar with Ygritte’s. Not mind-blowing, though it’s just enough for a handful. Which I like. 

 

Getting to my feet, she hugged me before I could think about anything else. Of course, I returned the embrace.

 

“Feeling better?” She asked me, her head resting against my arm.

 

“Much better now, thanks,” I say.

 

“Hmm.”

 

“Is that bacon?”

 

“How’d you know?” She laughs. 

 

“Well, in case you’re wondering, the smell of bacon permeates a household quite well,” I explain, sarcastically. 

 

She let go of me and walked back over the kitchen, I contemplated not following. Making something up about being late to class, which I was. But that didn’t feel right. So I went after her, she disappeared into the kitchen. When I set foot right after her, I didn’t see her at first. It’s like she leaped onto the ceiling or something, like a mutated spider for shit's sake. But then, out of nowhere, she sticks to me like napalm. In an embrace so tight, the air in my lungs retreated. Instead of a regular hug, she went for my lips this time. My utter bewilderment prevented me from reciprocating, her form hitting mine almost sent us tumbling to the floor. 

 

She growled impatiently into my mouth, like I was supposed to expect this shit? 

 

My bearings returned and I deepened the kiss, fully lifting her up. I took us back into the kitchen, setting her down on a countertop. Once there I backed up, as soon as I did she reached after me. 

 

“Where are you going?” She asked, breathless. 

 

I shook my head, “What is this?” 

 

I’m thoroughly fucking confused. She’s been aggressive before, but straight up jumping on me? No. This is new. 

 

“Is something wrong?” Ygritte’s smile faded, though immediately flared back up, her eyes wandered down to my pelvic area. She pointed at my crotch, giggling, “Looks like he’s happy.”

 

My dick.

 

She’s talking about my dick, which very much liked that encounter, and wants more. Force of habit brought me back to her… that’s not entirely true, I want her. 

 

Seven hells, what the fuck am I doing? 

 

Fucking my fiancé, that’s what I’m doing. 

 

Our lips crash together, I grabbed the back of her neck to keep her there. My cock brushed against her pussy, through that I ascertained that she’s so damn wet her panties gotta be soaked. I dismiss the lack of biological sense.

 

My mouth moves to her neck, she deserves the same treatment Dany gave me. I kissed and bit from her jawline to her collarbone. Her hands went to my hair, my free hand went up her shirt. Just running my palm over her belly, then up to her tits. I pinched her nipple, which was hard as ice. 

 

Wasting no time, I pulled her panties off, nearly tearing them in the process. 

 

She slapped me on the back, “Be careful.” My response was just a glare, a soft one, but a glare. Kinda trying to say, ‘Bitch, you asked for this.’ But in no way would I ever fucking say that to her. I like living. 

 

Pushing my sweatpants to my knees, my throbbing cock was happy for the air. I grabbed her by the legs and forced her closer to me. She wrapped her arms around my neck and kissed me again. Not like I needed to see where my dick was and the proposed entrance. 

 

I just laughed, separated from her lips, and guided my dick into her heat. We gasped at literally the same, which was cool I guess. 

 

“Ooh… fuck,” she moaned into my ear. 

 

Seven hells, Ygritte, I haven’t even done anything yet, what is this? Some shit porno? That makes me think... She wouldn’t put a hidden camera in here would she? Blackmail for some shit? 

 

My head actually snapped around, looking for a goddamn camera hiding behind the toaster or something. 

 

Ygritte grabbed me by the head, “What are you doing? Pay attention.”

 

Fine. 

 

I pushed my dick down as far as it would go, when it hit the back, I went out and did the same. But all slow like making her go crazy, something I don’t get to do often. So, o keep doing it, teasing her. I gotta admit this feels so goddamn good. Like… really fucking good. Better than the blowjob? I dunno, maybe. Dany did crazy shit with her tongue and stuff. 

 

Picking up the pace, Ygritte’s nails claw at my back through my shirt, surely leaving marks. 

 

Which brought me to a realization. 

 

What the fuck am I gonna do about the marks these two women are leaving on me? Fuuuuccckk, I hadn’t thought about that being a continual thing. Sheesh, I am fucked. Maybe I’ll just go down in a blaze of glory because I bet Dany expects our next encounter to be a sexual one. In that, my shirt will most likely be off. 

 

Oh well… I hope they fade away. 

 

It’s time to get this show on the fucking road, I pick up the pace. Our neighbors already hate our guts, they gonna despise us by the end of this fuck fest. Ygritte is  _ fucking squealing.  _ I’m fucking pounding her so hard she’s hitting the cabinet behind her. I gotta pull her back to me after every push. 

 

The two of us having fucked countless times, and all over this damned apartment, but never on the countertop strangely. Also, she’s never fucking yelled this loud. Ever.

 

I’m not sure if that’s because I’m fucking her good or because she’s overdoing it. ‘Cause she sounds like we’re in porno right now with this shit. 

 

Which makes me think about a hidden camera again. But why the fuck would she do that? 

 

Does she know about Dany after all? No. Can’t be, she has no idea who Dany is. 

 

“Ohh my God!” She exclaims right in my ear. “Where… where is this — Fuck! Coming from?” 

 

Okay.

 

I must be fucking her good. 

 

I’m getting to the edge at this point. Trying to fight it off is difficult. Normally, I think about something random so I can fight off busting too quick. Problem is the only thing I can think of at the moment is monkeys wrestling. But that didn’t feel right now. 

 

Chancing a glance at my dick blasting in and out of her cunt almost made me climax at the sight. Her center tightened around me as she clearly started to finish. Ygritte made noises that might have been words but it just sounds incoherent to me. 

 

My time to go feels imminent. I considered pulling out, but this felt far too good to end it suddenly. She’s got some pills around here, I think. Plus, we’re fucking in the goddamn kitchen. This is where we eat. Where am I supposed to put all that jizz? On the counter? Gods, no. Knowing my luck, one stream would shoot off and somehow get lost. I’d end up finding a thin sheet of cum on — Why the fuck am I thinking about this? 

 

Kissing her hard, I began to spill inside her. She wraps her legs around my back to lock me in place, which confused me. My orgasm could be compared to closing all those taps on a web browser after finishing writing a research paper. Perfect. It lasted longer than I could comprehend. My last few pushes into her slowed, and I rested my head on her shoulder. We sat like that for a while, breathing in unison. 

 

One of her hands starts to scratch my back, her face buried in my neck. Her lips brush against my ear, she whispers, “I love you, Jon Snow.”

 

I tried not to jump, but hearing those special three words almost made my soul leave my body. We’ve exchanged those words many, many times. Though this time, knowing what I did less than twenty-four hours ago, it scared me. I knew she expected me to repeat them back to her. That didn’t feel possible at the moment. I do love her, I do. 

 

Do I?

 

Fuck… all my feelings are twisted up right now. Why can’t I say it? I’ve said it so many times over. I’m pretty sure I was the one to say it first. Yeah, I was. 

 

Right after our fourth date, I took her to get seafood. We had dinner on a pier by Blackwater Bay, and I told her. She almost immediately returned the words to me. If I recall correctly, I fucked her brains out in the back of my car right after that. 

 

That was such a perfect moment, just like one out of the movies. 

 

My face stays against her shoulder, my silence obviously perturbed her. Her hand moving to stroke my hair, this close, I hoped she wouldn’t notice the faint marks of those fucking hickeys. 

 

“Jon?”

 

I lifted my head and planted a kiss against her cheek, my length slowly retreating from her. My brain searching for something to say. Eventually, a few words came to mind. Shifting to look her in the eyes, “Babe, do I really need to ‘tell’ you how I feel about you? As if what I just did wasn’t any inclination.”

 

Then I backed up, pulling my pants back up. Couldn’t help but gaze at Ygritte, legs still splayed open, my seed leaking from her pussy. It’s like… hypnotizing me. I’ve never seen that before, my head tilts to the side for some reason. Vision narrowing to a tunnel, I can’t see anything else. Damn, I remember why I proposed to Ygritte now. 

 

She’s fiery, spontaneous, physically attractive, and emotionally stable. Things that I am not, which is what drew me to her. The smell of the food behind me reminds me that she can cook too. 

 

Eyes still locked on her cunt, Ygritte’s fingers fall into view. She’s snapping them. 

 

Oh, fuck, I’m probably supposed to pay attention now. 

 

Her voice hits me eardrums, “Hey? Can you hear me?”

 

My head snaps up, head shaking back and forth, “What? Where?”

 

She slides off the counter and cups my face, “I asked you a question? Did you hear it?”

 

“Nope.”

 

Laughing, she repeats it, “Where did that come from? Not that I’m complaining.”

 

“You were the one who jumped on me,” I joked.

 

“Yeah… but I didn’t think you’d do all that.”

 

I shrug out of her grasp and turn around, the table before adorned with eggs, bacon, hash browns, and pancakes. My hand eagerly grasps a strip of bacon, extra charred, just like I like it. Throwing it in my mouth, it crunches up in the best way, tasting great. I reach for another and turn back around to Ygritte. 

 

Her brow upturned, she looks confused. 

 

Which makes me confused, “Something up?”

 

She slides off the counter, taking a step closer to me as I stick the whole piece of bacon in my mouth. The loud crunching the lone noise in our now quiet kitchen. Her hand grips my shoulder, “Are you okay?”

 

Frowning, I say, “What are you talking about? I’m good.” In reality, I’m not good. I’m having an internal conflict that I don’t know if I can figure out. But I’m putting on a show, is it working? I don’t know if it’s working. 

 

She tries to speak again but I cut her off.

 

“You got something to take around here, right?” I say, finger lingering around her waist. The bacon swishing around in my mouth. 

 

This is my way of dealing with all of this. 

 

Avoidance.

 

She’s clearly taken aback, “Yeah?”

 

“Great,” I say with a smile. Mind wandering on what to do next, how can I ever balance these two worlds. I’ve possibly bitten off more than I can chew. What the fuck---

 

Wait a minute.

 

I’m late for class.

 

Great excuse to retreat from Ygritte after just making love to her. Fuck, I bet her head is spinning.

 

“I’m late,” I sigh. “I gotta go.” Taking off before Ygritte could say anything seemed like the best course of action. Running back into our bathroom and slamming the door, making sure to grab my phone though. Don’t want Ygritte looking around and finding out about Dany.

 

Before hopping into the shower to wash the sex off me, I check my phone. Much to my surprise and delight, I’ve got a text from Daenerys. Even though I’m alone, I glance around to make sure. 

 

What’s with this intense sense of paranoia I’ve been feeling this morning?

 

I open the text. The contents make me have to lean against the sink for support. 

 

Seven hells, she sent me a picture of herself. In lingerie, a black lacy pair, that left little to the imagination. It’s a mirror selfie, she’s standing cockeyed, with one arm held over her head. She’s smiling, a real smile. Her hair is let loose, cascading down her shoulders over her tits. Which look fantastic. Those child-bearing hips, geez, I grabbed that ass last night. Fuck, I can feel my dick standing back up despite fucking Ygritte just minutes ago. Her eyes, those deep purple eyes, stare at me, examining me. I can’t look away. 

 

She even left a little message: “ _ If I roll my tongue around, I can still taste you.” _

 

My knees weakened like I suddenly became ninety. All the blood rushes to my cock, my head feels light. My hand presses against my forehead to stave off passing out. 

 

Slowly, I type a response:  _ “Hypnotic, as always, Daenerys. I will able to think of little else today because of this.” _

 

She responded literal seconds later like she’s waiting by the phone. 

 

“ _ I thought it only fair that I send you something since you did.” _

 

_ “Well, you’ve ruined me. I’m fucking full mast as we speak.” _

 

She seemed to pause at that, which I expected. About thirty seconds later, she says simply, “ _ Oh, really? I have that effect on you?” _

 

_ “I’m putty in your hands.” _

 

I set the phone down to go turn the shower on so Ygritte doesn’t get suspicious of what I’m doing in here. When I go back to my phone, she’s replied: “ _ Hmm… I’m real curious about that. When can I expect to see you next?” _

 

My fist entered my mouth as I bit back a moan. 

 

Gods, I’d love to see her. I think I’m addicted.

 

But I’m still so conflicted. I literally just fucked Ygritte, now I’m just gonna go see Dany like that didn’t happen? I’m supposed to act like years of our life didn’t happen, and do a complete 180? This still feels so strange to me. Am I that guy now? Who can betray my future wife, for what? A hotter, more alluring option?

 

I scroll back up to the photo of her. Why does this seem so  _ easy _ ? Is this what cheating is like? 

 

The  _ temptation _ is unbearable. 

 

It was just that  _ easy _ last night. It happened and I had absolutely no qualms about it, it felt so automatic. I want her now just like I wanted her then.

 

Fucking Ygritte a few minutes ago, it was so  _ easy,  _ a lot of muscle memory and impulse maybe. 

 

I fucked her ‘cause I could.

 

The steam from the shower filled the room, the temperature rising, my body perspiring. My eyes stick to the door, I imagine Ygritte standing right behind it. Waiting to maybe knock and ask me more questions I don’t have answers for, nor the ability to provide. With her, security, safety, love undoubtedly, but also restrictions, I’ve just fucked it up with her now. She’s clearly confused and will continue to pry. That’s not something I’d normally hate, she cares for me and I care for her. I will always care for her. I have an affection for her I can’t put into words, that’s why I proposed to her. 

 

I want Ygritte.

 

But I also want Dany. 

 

My desire for Dany feels so primal. Like an innate thing, I’m drawn to her like moths to a flame. Just as I was when I first saw her. I didn’t have the strength to take her then.

 

I think I do now.

 

I have a prime opportunity to have her as I’ve always wanted. Teenage Jon would be jumping up and down right about now, aching to get going. I’m not dismayed, I do want her, more than anything. 

 

Something’s holding me back though, I can feel it. Is it Ygritte? Maybe. Or my conscious? Could I live with myself after fully committing to Dany, yet still being engaged to Ygritte. I thought I could make a decision one way or another… but I can’t. I’m stuck between two worlds. Safety versus adventure, taking that leap or backing away, do I have the resolve to send one of them packing? Make the hard choice. 

 

The mirror is fogging up. I can’t stand here any longer. 

 

For fuck sakes, Jon, make a goddamn decision. Are you going to pursue Dany or not? 

 

Huh?

 

What’s it gonna be?

 

Do you really think you linger between them both?

 

No, I can’t. But I also can’t break it off with Ygritte, it’d break her heart and she’d probably kill me. Moreover, to turn away from Dany would be to refuse a million dollars for free.

 

Dany is someone I want --- No, I need. I’ve always needed her, and I couldn’t have her. 

 

Now I can.

 

How can I say no?

 

Hoping all that deliberation didn’t take too long in real time, I quickly send a text to Dany: “ _ I’ve got class today, I’m running late and I’m not sure when I’ll be done. So kinda busy. When are you free?” _

 

She must have been waiting by the phone again, and that excited me.

 

“ _ My interview was early this morning. I’ve nothing going on, just will be waiting to hear back.” _

 

Shit, she’s free.

 

I was getting ready to respond, Ygritte’s voice came through the door.

 

“Hey, remember we have dinner with Robb and Margaery tonight.”

 

Oh, fuck off with that, I completely goddamn forgot. Why didn’t Robb mention that last night? He probably forgot too. 

 

“Oh… yeah, I remember,” I mutter, setting my phone down. I’ve waited long enough before taking a shower. Once I got in the water had gotten so fucking scalding hot that when it made contact with my skin I actually yelped. My hand went to turn it down, but for some reason, I stopped. Hovering over the handle, normally this is an instant decision. Yet, now the heat is torching me but I don’t want it to stop. I’m not sure what’s changed in me. My now wet hair covers my face, forcing my eyes closed. 

 

Is this why people get into saunas and shit? The heat and steam feel so goddamn serene. 

 

My muscles loosen up, the exhale that left my mouth felt like I’d been holding it in for months. The mind wanders.

 

What the fuck am I  _ actually  _ going to do about my current situation? Now’s a good time to think about as ever, let’s actually put in some real consideration. 

 

How about some old pros and cons? No, nevermind. 

 

What do I want? Because right now I’m the rare condition to have a real choice. I can decide. 

 

Problem is, I can’t make a decision. I’ve always been indecisive, now is no goddamn different. Not sure I’ve ever been so torn, I'm caught between two worlds. A world in which I obtain the fruits of my youth. Or another world that I stay in my lane, where I know it’s safe. There is magic in that, safety. But adventure, that’s untraveled ground for me.

 

No idea how long I’ve been standing there, but after some time passes. I decide to get out, not sure if I’d even washed. 

 

As I dried myself off, I picked my phone back up.

 

Fuck, the time, I should’ve left two hours ago if I was going to class. What am I gonna do then---

 

Ooh… shit. 

 

Idea.

 

Could I pull that off? I gotta be back later, I know Ygritte’s gonna wanna leave here to go to dinner with Robb at a certain time. I can’t be late getting back, more questions, I can’t have more questions. I don’t want to have lie to her.

 

That being said, I have a feeling more lies are on the horizon if I stay on this path. Ah… This path, where does it lead? I dunno.

 

I gotta walk it though, that I know.

 

Going back to text Dany, I’m really trying not to second guess myself. Because if I do, I’ll doubt myself. Then I’ll end up getting scared and puss out.

 

“ _ Hey, my schedule just cleared up. I’ve got something going on later, but I’m free for a few hours. What are you doing right now?” _

 

“ _ Wow, what happened?” _

 

_ “I decided I didn’t feel like going to class today.” _

 

_ “Well, I’m just sitting on my couch in my pajamas right now.” _

 

_ “Feel like getting up?”  _ I text her back, wishing she could see my wide grin.

 

“ _ I could.” _

 

That actually made me laugh, then I replied, “ _ Being as it still pretty early, I think drinks are off the table.” _

 

_ “Typically, avoiding the alcohol this early is a good idea.” _

 

_ “What do you have in mind, then?” _

 

_ “I dunno, I could go for some more coffee. My maker just fucking broke this morning.” _

 

_ “Really?” _

 

_ “That’s what I said.” _

 

_ “Oh, I see,”  _ I typed. 

 

_ “What?” _

 

_ “Nothing. I know a place.” _

 

_ “A coffee place?” _

 

_ “Isn’t that what we were talking about?” _

 

_ “Jon Snow, always the mystery.” _

 

_ “I do aim to please.” _

 

After sending that last one, I fully dry my body off. Covering my head with the towel, scrubbing my scalp with an intensity I was unaware I possessed. The vibration of my phone got scrambling to get it back in my hands. The text on the screen had me blinking repeatedly to make sure I wasn’t seeing things.

 

“ _ You can do that at the very least.” _

 

Holy shit, is she saying I _please_ or… Did I please her last night? I guess she enjoyed sucking my dick as much as I like fucking her mouth. Which is strange, because Ygritte always told me she doesn’t particularly like blowing me. I mean… she did --- does. But I don’t ever ask her too because Seven hells, is this real life? No, no… This has got to be some kinda fantasy.

 

Oh damn, I need to respond to this. 

 

What the fuck should I say to this? Uh… oh! Got it. 

 

“ _ Gotta admit, you pleased me better than I’ve ever been last night,”  _ I texted, as I hit send, I watched as she didn’t reply right away. Not sure if because I caught her off-guard with my brazenness, of course, this made me so nervous I slapped myself for being so forward. 

 

Goddamnit--- I planned on further chastising myself but my phone buzzed. Eyes shot to it immediately, scanning over the text she sent me.

 

_ “You really have changed, Jon Snow. Send me the name of the coffee shop.” _

 

“Yes!” I exclaimed out loud, fist-pumping in the air. However, I froze quickly. Realizing I’d just been quite boisterous, Ygritte surely heard all that.

 

Shit.

 

Not wanting to spend any more time in the bathroom, I pull my towel up around my waist, fastening it. Clutching my phone, I go to the door. Pressing my ear to it proved useless as I sensed absolutely nothing. Slowly turning the doorknob, I step out. Thankfully, Ygritte isn’t in the bedroom. But the door’s open, and now that I’m outside the bathroom I can hear the TV in the living room. 

 

I’m supposed to believe that she wasn’t in here earlier? I’m no fool, she definitely was. My betrothed can be quite nosey. Admittedly, I am acting pretty strange to her. I’ve completely forgotten I was supposed to be drunk last night, and I didn’t even act a little bit hungover this morning. I’m going to have to be more careful moving forward.

 

Once I got the door closed, I go back to my phone. Sending Dany the coffee shop name only took a few seconds. After that, I toss my phone on the bed.

 

Time to get dressed, I need something nice. But not too nice because I don’t want Ygritte to think anything is out of the ordinary. Honestly, though, she’s already suspicious of me and there’s not much I can do to change that right now. 

 

Something tells me all of this is gonna reach a tipping point out either way. Fuck, all this could come crashing down and I’d lose both of them. I can’t let that happen. I need to have something left after all this shit, Dany or Ygritte. I’m going to need to make a choice eventually. Although I think I already know my decision.

 

After a few minutes, I’ve got some clothes on. 

 

I went for a more casual look, a light blue faded denim button up, black skinny jeans, and sharp leather shoes. Got my hair put back in the usual tight bun behind my head. Grabbing my phone, Dany had texted me:

 

“ _ See you soon,” _ she said with a winky face. I pressed my phone to my chest and took a deep breath.

 

This is fucking crazy.

 

Sliding my phone into my pocket, I prepare myself to meet any words from Ygritte. What am I supposed to say to her anyway? Shit, I haven’t even thought about that yet.

 

Fuck it, I’m just gonna get outta here.

 

So I do, I forcefully push through the door. My thoughts proved correct, Ygritte’s laid back on the couch watching TV. Ghost’s head shoots up from right next to her, head cockeyed. Ygritte doesn’t move to regard me, the news seems more interesting to her. 

 

Having expected to get into a heated discussion by now, I’m surprised. I end up just standing there for a while, waiting to see if she’ll notice me. Ghost did, so at the very least she knows I’m behind her. 

 

Taking the opportunity to get the fuck out with little objections, heading for the front door is my choice of action. Though a curse leaves my mouth under my breath as soon as my hand hits the handle. Ygritte called out, “Going somewhere?”

 

I didn’t need to turn around to know that she still stared at the screen before her. 

 

Replying simply, I say, “Out.” 

 

“Where?”

 

“Meeting an old friend, I’ll be back in time to make dinner with Robb and Marge.”

 

Again, to my immense surprise, she says, “Okay.”

 

I don’t give her another second to think about it, opening the door and stepping out.

<><><><><><>  
  


Even before I made my way inside the coffee shop, I’ve been on edge. I’m so fucking nervous. In the supermarket, she came out of nowhere and I had no time to prepare. Not time to think about it, let my mind linger on it. With this, I know she’s coming. So my brain won’t let me think about anything else. As a wannabe writer, I can relate. Whenever you get that idea that you’re crazy about. You can help but think about it. Relief only finding you when you put pen to paper. That’s what this is like. 

 

Gnawing at me, it won’t leave. 

 

What’s she gonna say? 

 

Will she even show up? 

 

What are we going to talk about? 

 

What if— 

 

Holy shit, she just walked in. 

 

I can see the door from my table, I chose it specifically for this reason. There’s plenty of other tables around me with equally boring people sitting at them having conversations. But I don’t care about any of that, I can’t hear them. All I can see is Daenerys. 

 

I didn’t even need to raise my hand for her, somehow with all these people around me. She noticed me. 

 

For the first time, in all my life, she truly noticed me. 

 

Fuck, she’s smiling at me. 

 

She’s wearing a black leather jacket with an auburn scarf around her neck. Blue skinny jeans that hugging those fucking legs in the best way. Her hair isn’t tied up in a knot like last night, it’s free-flowing down past her shoulders. 

 

My clench my fist to cease its incessant need to shake as she starts over towards me. My heart threatens to snap my fucking ribs it’s beating so hard. Seven hells, I feel half my damned age right now. 

 

As she gets closer, I can’t decide if I should get up to meet her. My better judgment told me I should. So, I rise from my chair as the gap between us lessens. I really don’t know what to do now, though. Gods, why does this feel like new territory for me. I’ve been on plenty of dates with Ygritte before. 

 

Wait, is this a date? 

 

Holy shit, she’s right in front of me now. Is she talking? Fuck. 

 

“I wasn’t sure what to wear,” she says. 

 

Coming back from outer space, I force myself to speak. 

 

“Don’t be modest,” I smile. “You look great.”

 

She steps forward so I do the same. We meet and hug. Gods, it feels good. I could do this all day. It’s just a simple, but warm embrace, something I didn’t know I desired. My nose pressed deep into her hair to inhale her scent. Her cheek rests against my chest. It’s not a long hug, before long we separate and sit down. 

 

“So,” I begin. “I didn’t really get a chance to ask you before, how was Oldtown?”

 

“Well,” she shrugs, all noncommital. “It was tough. The education I mean. I don’t know if you remember, but high school was pretty relaxed and you could kinda waltz through it without giving a damn.”

 

“I remember that for sure,” I say, chuckling. “We didn’t do a damn thing our senior year.”

 

She starts to laugh, “Do you remember Old Nan?”

 

“Holy shit, yes, we were so mean to her,” I grin.

 

Old Nan taught us English back in the day, she had an actual name but no one called her by it. One year called her Old Nan because of how fucking ancient she was. It stuck. 

 

In her old age, she became kinda… distant. We were in our senior year and she’d fucking read to us like we were still in kindergarten. Well, we’d play on our phone and go to sleep. 

 

“I remember when Theon wrote that paper on a person who didn’t even exist,” I add.

 

“Yeah, I remember that. What did he call that guy? Umm…”

 

“Aleksander Monark,” I remind her. This guy was supposed to be the first man to ever reach the bottom of Blackwater Bay in a goddamn submarine. I think he’s a Dothraki screamer too, which made it even more ridiculous. Well, Old Nan didn’t even flinch. Read the paper and gave Theon an A-plus grade on it, we laughed for weeks about it. 

 

“Oh my gosh… yeah, ‘The deepest Dothraki in the Ocean’ he’d say,” Dany said in between fits of laughter. 

 

I grinned, keeping my eyes on her as she laughed. Her head rocking back to cackle, everyone around us getting an ear full. We’re probably being pretty loud and distracting, but I can’t find a fuck to give. All my attention is on her, and her laugh. Fuck anyone to all seven hells if they think Daenerys Targaryen has a bad laugh. It’s so damn contagious, I can’t help but laugh too. It’s not ear piercing, more like warmth to my senses.

 

When she finally takes some deep breaths and calms down, I say, “Hey, can I tell you something?”

 

She wipes the tears out of her eyes, “Yeah, of course.”

 

“ _ I love your laugh _ .”

 

Her eyes narrow at me like I’m telling a fib, her frown fades away as she realizes I’m being serious.

 

“It’s awesome,” I add. “Anyone you tells you your laugh sucks is being hateful for the sake of being hateful.”

 

That smile that’s flooded my memory so many times over the past twelve hours returns. She leans forward, and I mirror her. 

 

A whisper leaves her mouth, “No one has ever told me that before.”

 

We’re close enough to kiss, it’s tempting. 

 

“Aye, that’s ‘cause no one else has been paying attention.”

 

Dany retreated leaving me gasping. Though smirking once I realized the reason, a blush flushed across her face. She covered her mouth and avoided my eyes.

 

Shit, this is something I’ve never seen. How can I have this effect on her? Do we equally affect each other this way? Because she can do this to me by just looking at me. I just said a few words. Gotta admit it’s really turning me on. 

 

“Whoa,” I end up saying after a silence. “I made you blush.”

 

“Stop,” she drawled. Clearly, this isn’t something she enjoys. 

 

But I do… a lot. 

 

I feel… dominate.

 

“I like it, though,” I tell her.

 

Her eyes meet mine, and she fucking bites her lip. 

 

Ooh… what a sight. Wish I could get a picture.

 

“I could do this all day,” I whisper. Gods, it’s just the two of us. I can’t see anything but her. 

 

_ I don’t want to.  _

 

“Say something,” I plead. Leaning back in, laying my palms up on the table.

 

“What… is this?” Dany finally breaths out, looking like she needs some air.

 

“What is what?” 

 

I’m confused.

 

“ _ This…  _ The two of us, what are we doing?” she scoffs like it’s written on her forehead. 

 

Why doesn’t anyone understand that nothing is obvious to me? 

 

“I… I don’t know, Dany.”

 

“Well, who does?” Dany sighs. “I sure as shit don’t know, and you don’t either. Who can we ask?”

 

“Here’s what I know,” I clear my throat, trying to prepare myself to say the words I’ve always wanted to say. “For the longest time… I’ve only desired one thing…  _ You. It’s always been… You.” _

 

“Jon,” her eyes tear up. “I’m---”

 

I stop her, “Please, let me finish… for as long as I can remember. You were the first time I ever remember wanting, and I was too cowardly to tell you how I felt.”

 

An explosion could go off outside and I couldn’t give a damn. I wouldn’t get up. Dany’s eyes actually begin to flood, tears running down her cheeks. I’m not entirely sure why, to be honest.

 

“But,” I continue. “As you said, I’ve changed. A whole lot, and I’m not afraid---”

 

Everything froze as her left hand began to slowly raise, my eyes snapped to her ring finger. A goddamn silver band wrapped around it. 

 

She sniffles and says:

 

“ _ I’m married _ .”

  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wonder if any of you saw that coming.
> 
> You probably did. I'd planned for there to be about 2 thousand more words but this ending felt too perfect. Bit of a cliffy.
> 
> It's a decision I made pretty quickly because I liked it so much. It changes the dynamic a whole lot moving forward. Don't worry, when the next one comes, you'll get a whole lot more info on this development.
> 
> Lemme know what you thought in a comment, I really appreciate/need those. I even got some paragraphs the other day, any of you writers know those do brighten the day significantly.
> 
> Tell your friends.


	4. Want

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jon and Dany come to terms with their relationship.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay... so... this is quite the chapter. It took me longer than expected to write it. There's... a lot. Not that it's particularly long, it's not, there's just a lot going on. I really like this one. Jon has finally come to the tipping point, the point of no return, he has to make a decision one way or the other. 
> 
> With this one, I wrote some of the most raunchiest stuff ever. Like I surprised myself. This is almost... you know what, nevermind, you'll see.
> 
> If the cliffy last time chapped your khakis don't worry, we're picking up literal seconds later. 
> 
> Hope you like.

Wait, what?

 

You’re what?

 

Are you telling me… You… You’re married? Were you wearing that fucking thing last night and I didn’t see it? No, no way, I woulda seen it or felt it on my face. I’m pretty sure she mighta stroked my dick with her left so her ring woulda been easy to sense.

 

So, she wasn’t wearing it yesterday. Which means she put it on before coming here, but I still didn’t see it before now. Maybe she slipped it on under the table, yeah…

 

None of that changes the fact that she’s fucking married. To who? Daario? I really don’t know much about Daario. Other than the pictures I’ve seen of him on social media. 

 

He’s gorgeous.

 

Way prettier than me. He’s taller, more muscular. But why would she pass on him for… me? Or kiss me and suck my dick when she’s got him? 

 

Fuck, I’m confused. 

 

Why would she… what the fuck? 

 

“Dany… I’m a bit confused.”

 

She takes a deep breath, her hand falling back to her lap. “What about what I just said confused you?”

 

“I don’t understand, you’re married?” My head is spinning. 

 

“I am,” she sighs.

 

“To who?”

 

“Daario Naharis.”

 

My voice lowers to just above a whisper, “I thought you said you had a ‘falling out’.”

 

All the happy air sucked out of the room, it’s almost like it started raining. Both our moods take a turn for the worst.

 

She wipes her eyes, some makeup smearing, “That wasn’t a lie. We did.”

 

“Musta been pretty bad.”

 

Her tone hardens, “It was.”

 

“I’m sorry, Dany, I just want some kind of explanation,” I grumbled, trying to find the sense in all this. Fuck, I can’t believe this is happening. We are literally in the same boat. Well… not exactly.

 

“What do you want me to say, Jon? I made a mistake.”

 

“Oh, a mistake, huh?”

 

So that’s what you think.

 

“Last night was some kinda heat of the moment thing, then,” I say, trying to stay calm. “Your husband smacked you around or something and then you happened to see me. You thought, ‘Oh, look it’s poor Jon Snow, lemme tear his heart out again’.”

 

Her voice went quiet, hanging her head, “That’s… not what it was.”

 

“Then what was it then, Dany? Fuck, I thought---” Damn it, was she just using me? She did all that stuff just because she needs to feel better about herself? Not because she felt anything. Goddamnit, I felt a whole lot. I guess it didn’t mean a damn thing to her. 

 

“Jon, last night… I didn’t expect to see you last night, and when I did I didn’t know what to think,” Dany sighs, still sniffling. “We had coffee and I didn’t think we do what we did… it just happened.”

 

“What? It just  _ happened _ ?” I scoff. “What does that even mean? It didn’t mean anything to you?”

 

She went quiet. We just looked at each other. Her lip started quivering, I shake my head and say, “It meant a whole lot to me, Dany. It meant  _ everything _ .” I hit my fist on the table as hard as I can without flipping the fucking thing over. “You get that, Dany? I—“

 

I woulda kept on if she hadn’t reached across the table, putting her hand on top of mine. Time came to a stand-still as I glanced between her hand as it closed in on mine and her face. I opened my hand and hers fit in perfectly. Watching as a bright smile washed over her face, with still teary eyes.

 

She spoke to me in hushed tones, “ _ It meant something, Jon.”  _ Hearing that, I melted a little bit inside. 

 

I whispered back, “What did it mean?”

 

She sighs, retracting her hand, I missed her touch as soon as it was gone. Reaching back after her, but bringing it back as her hand went to her side. She smiled at that, at least. 

 

I repeat my question, “What did it mean, Dany?”

 

With shrug, she says, “I don’t know.”

 

“You don’t know?”

 

“It was a spur of the moment thing, Jon. But it still meant something. What’d you think I was doing while we walked to my car? I was contemplating it. I…  _ wanted  _ you then, so I did what I did.”

 

“What about now? You  _ want _ me now?” I asked, very interested in her reaction. It didn’t disappoint, she avoided my gaze as her face reddened. Trying not to leap into the air and yell became difficult, instead, I leaned forward, “What about now, Dany? I think you already know how I feel about all this.”

 

I’m not delusional… right now at least. I know that I am engaged. Should I tell her? I dunno. Maybe.

 

“What are you asking me, Jon? I mean seriously, did you not hear me?  _ I’m married,”  _ Dany hissed, lifting her hand back up to make sure I saw it. 

 

“Damn it, Dany. Something musta happened between you and Daario I assume, why would you have done that with me if you’re not happy or something?”

 

Her breath hitched, and her left hand covered her mouth, I watched as her eyes closed. My gaze attached solely on that goddamn ring, I didn’t get a good look at it before. The wedding band is most definitely silver, but I can see her engagement ring on the same finger. Fuck me, that’s a big diamond. Daario must have fucking deep pockets.    
  


Those rings for sure weren’t on her finger yesterday. I decided to ask her about that, “If you’re married then why didn’t you wear those last night? Clearly, you didn’t want anyone to know.”

 

“I needed a break,” Dany sighs, opening her eyes. “Daario… He isn’t a bad guy. We’ve just been arguing a lot lately. I came here so I could be a nurse, and he wants to go back to Oldtown. He doesn’t like it in King’s Landing. Last night, we had just had another heated argument, and I needed space. So, I took the rings off and I left. I wanted some goddamn ice cream and fucking peace and quiet.” She chuckles, then said, “Then… I saw you.”

 

My heart began to pick up the pace, my hand’s grip on my kneecaps got tighter.

 

She continues, “I didn’t know what to think. It had been years. But…  _ you changed.  _ My memory of you was completely different. You’re taller, and I could fucking see your abs through your shirt… Fuck. Your hair... tied back like that,” She says, motioning to me, biting her lip. “I was… surprised, pleasantly. Then we started talking, it was like Daario wasn’t even in my life, it was just the two of us. You were being so nice… and the flirting. It was all so… hot. I really did have to leave when I got up. I remembered Daario and I knew I had been gone a while, I knew that he would call and I didn’t want that to happen in front of you. That’s what Daario does, we argue and my feelings get hurt. Later he tries to make it up to me.”

 

It got hard to tell if this was all real.

 

“Anyway,” she smirks. “We’re walking out to the car. I didn’t know what to do. We had a connection that we hadn’t ever had, all that talk about before when we were in school together. It got me worked up. So I decided I’d kiss you to… make up for all the bad shit I’d done to you.” Her thumb lifted up to brush across her bottom lip, then she kept speaking, “I had expected it to be a soft kiss then I’d leave. But, fuck… you’re a good kisser. It was so good, and then… all that other stuff happened.”

 

“Seven hells,” I mutter, rubbing my face. 

 

“It wasn’t until I starting driving that it all hit me, what I had done. I felt horrible.” My head hangs down, fuck, hearing that hurt. She continues, “Realizing what I had done, I’m not that… It hurt me. But it also felt so good.”

 

I bring my head back up, “What was up with all that texting?”

 

“I’m getting to that,” she says. “A part of me wished you wouldn’t ever get in touch with me. But when I got that picture of you… I liked that. By that time, I had gotten home though. Daario had put on his usual display and I gave him the usual discourse. He slept on the couch like I always make him after we argue. So I was in our bed when I got the text… I was almost asleep when I got it. As soon as I saw the picture I woke all the way back up, I felt like a school girl again. Getting all hot and bothered by a photo of a boy.”

 

I gasp, and then laugh, “Hot and bothered?”

 

“Hells, yes, seeing you and those marks I made on you,” Dany says, looking like shivers got sent down her spine. “ _ I liked that.” _

 

My eyes just kept blinking to make sure this isn’t a dream. She said she  _ liked  _ the photo I sent her, it wasn’t even a big deal. 

 

“I feel like I don’t need to tell you what I did next,” she whispers.

 

Holy shit, is she saying what I think she’s saying? No. Can’t be. She did… that to a picture of me? It makes sense because she didn’t get a release as I did. I’m forced to clear my throat before speaking next, her sensual expression isn’t helping. 

 

“Well,” I begin. “That picture you sent of yourself. That…  _ I liked that _ too.”

 

“Did you?”

 

“I did.”

 

“How much?”

 

“A fucking lot.”

 

“Hmm,” she hums. “Good.”

I’m still kinda confused though. What are we doing right now? One minute I think she’s angry and upset we did what we did and the next she looks like she wants my dick in her mouth again. 

 

“Dany, I’m still a bit confused.”

 

“About what?”

 

“What are we doing right now? What is this? You told me you were married and I thought you considered last night a mistake. Like I’d never see you again, which woulda disappointed me but I would’ve understood. Then the next second we’re doing… whatever it is we’re doing right now,” I explain, trying to make sense. 

 

Her face darkened like she remembered her dog got ran over by a car. 

 

Fuck.

 

“This morning, I sent you that picture,” She says. “Honestly, I had forgotten I was married. Then I went to the kitchen… and Daario had made a great big breakfast for me. Pancakes, bacon, eggs, everything, he apologizes. He hasn’t done something like this before. A grand gesture can really impress a girl sometimes,” I notice her smile. “It was flattering. We had breakfast. But somewhere along the way, he sees I’m not wearing the wedding band. I’m able to explain myself before he freaks out, he never takes his off no matter what we do. It got heated again but it was different, we ended up making out. After that… we fucked and made up.”

 

I’m just trying not to cry right now, honestly.

 

“Typically our arguments don’t end that way, and he was legitimately sorry, that was nice. It was great. I remembered why we got married,” she shrugs. “Then I’m sitting on our couch in my PJs and I get the text from you. I freak out, remembering all that we had done last night. But I reply right away. We text for a bit and I’m so flustered. Then I remember Daario hasn’t left for work yet so I go to hide in the bathroom. I didn’t know what to do, just making conversation at first. Then I realize this a huge mess, and I just needed to see you so I can explain. Now we’re here.”

 

I huff, “Now we’re here. What happens now?”

 

“I don’t know,” she sighs. “I’m just so stuck… like I’m in between worlds.”

 

By now I’m utterly baffled how our stories almost nearly mirror each other. 

 

Why is that?

 

I’m also battling the decision on whether or not to tell Dany about Ygritte. She did just open up for me.

 

“I can’t deny what we had was beautiful. But I’m married, Jon. I am.”

 

“What happens when he gets angry again, you argue and fuck again?”

 

“I don’t know.”

 

“You wanna know what I know?” I say, scooting my chair closer. “You gave me something special. Something I forgot I wanted… something that I’ve wanted since I was a teenager. Desire is a dangerous thing, Dany. For a long time,  _ you  _ were all I desired. I had you… if only for a short period of time.  _ I want more.”  _ I smile at the softening of her expression.

 

“If I told you that I didn’t… wasn’t curious about you, that’d be a lie. But you don’t understand because you aren’t already in a relationship.”

 

I tried not to have a reaction. Fuck. But I am, Dany, and I do understand and I choose you anyway.

 

But I didn’t say that. I wanted to, but I couldn’t find the will. Fuck, I’m such a coward sometimes.

 

“What am I supposed to do, Jon? Have an affair with you? That’s not me, I’m not capable of that.”

 

“You were last night.”

 

She scoffs, “That doesn’t mean I am now. I was angry then.”

 

“Oh, so I was just something you could take your frustration out on?”

 

“Did I say that?”

 

“You inferred it.”

 

Dany leans back in her chair, arms crossed, “I don’t know what to tell you, Jon.”

 

“Tell me what you  _ want _ .”

 

Her mouth opens, but she’s speechless. No words are forthcoming.

 

Another thing we have in common, we both have no idea what we want. Not specifically, at least, I know that I  _ want  _ Daenerys. But I don’t know if pursuing her is a wise choice. I know that I’ve already got a pretty good thing going with Ygritte, despite all her flaws. Though I’m still drawn to Daenerys nevertheless. Which leads to a neverending feeling of indecisiveness and confusion.

 

I wish I could read her mind. So I want to know what she’s thinking right now. She cares for me or she wouldn’t have even shown up. What is trying to tell me anyway? That what we did last night was great but it was also a fluke. She’s just going to go back to Daario?

 

“Dany, I need you to tell me.”

 

Her eyes went low, staring at the table. Went her gaze raised back up, her eyes were full of tears. If she was wearing any makeup it’d be smearing. Everything else faded away like before, all I can see is her. It’s just the two of us. 

 

“Tell you… what?”

 

Pursing my lips, I lay my open palms on the table. Urging her, “Tell me what you want,  _ I’ll do whatever you want me to.  _ If you want me to go, I’ll go.”

 

She sniffles, “Well, what do you want?”

 

“It doesn’t matter what I want, Dany. Only you, only you matter.” I mean it, I truly do. What we had was special but if it was a fluke and that’s the only thing she wants from me… I’ll respect that. I’ll go back to Ygritte, I’ll marry her, and go on with my life. There’s no point if she doesn’t want me back. I tried that already and it got me nowhere. That was my whole high school existence, lingering on the edge between telling her and watching from afar. I never told her. I always watched from afar and that only led to pain. I won’t do that again.

 

If she wants to go back to Daario, and never see me again, I’ll do it. It’ll hurt me but I’ll do it.

 

Pushing my palms toward her end of the table, offering them to her to take. Slowly, she does. Our hands stay intertwined, and I say, “Only you, Dany. Only you matter. It’s okay, you can tell me. If you want me to go, I’ll go.” I’ve never put more emphasis into words before. “You know how I feel, Dany. You know.”

 

A shuddered breath escapes her lips, I think she’s finally going to speak. Please say what I want you to say…  _ please.  _ I don’t know if I can bare the alternative. I’ll do it but I’ll hate it. I watch as her mouth closes again, I can’t hide my disappointment. Without even thinking about it my head drops low… Fuck. 

 

Then I snap back up as she begins to speak, smiling brightly despite the tears in her eyes, even though I have no idea what she’s planning on saying I smile in return.

 

“ _ You know what I want.”  _

 

I half-laughed, smiling, did I hear that right? Why does nothing seem real when I’m with her? But what fuck does that mean anyway? I don’t have any idea what she wants, that’s why I keep asking her for fuck sakes. 

 

Am I supposed to know?

 

Brain… do some analysis or something. 

 

Aight, so she smiled, and the said, ‘You know what I want’. In the context of this conversation that could mean a hundred thousand things… Okay, maybe not that many - That doesn’t matter. Fuck. Why am I so scatterbrained sometimes? Stay on topic. 

 

Alright, alright, what does she want?

 

We are in a coffee shop, does she want that caramel whatever-the-fuck thing she got last night? No. That doesn’t make any sense right now. 

 

We’re talking about our feelings right now. She says that I know what she wants. 

 

Ugh. This is hard. 

 

Wait… she couldn’t be talking about me - could she? Does she want me? Is that what she’s talking about? As crazy as that sounds it makes more sense than some damn coffee. 

 

Let’s run with that.

 

“Me? You  _ want  _ me?”

 

My face heats up as she starts to fucking giggle. What the fuck is happening? 

 

“Yeah, Jon Snow…  _ I want you.” _

 

“You sure?”

 

Damn it, why the fuck did I ask that? I’m such a dolt. 

 

She nodded though, biting her lip, “Yeah.” Fuck, I want her too, so bad. 

 

Right now. 

 

I groan at the thought, I’ve still gotta meet Robb and Marge. I told Ygritte I’d come home early too. 

 

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Motherfucker. Goddamn it, shit. Fuck. 

 

Flicking my wrist out to reveal my watch, I take a look. I’ve got about two-and-a-half hours before I’m supposed to be getting dinner with Robb, and two hours removed from meeting Ygritte back at home. 

 

I’ve got time. 

 

“Now?” 

 

“Where?” she says, perking up.

 

“Anywhere.”

 

<><><><><><>

 

The plan was to make it to my car in a parking deck a few blocks down from the coffee shop. But we didn’t make it that far. Walking side by side became too much for us, being that close, but not touching. Just being in each other’s presence, Fuck, it was all too much. 

 

It was different than before because now I had acceptance. I had recognition.

 

All the fucking people who walked by us must have thought we were fucking crazy. We just fucking stared at into each other’s eyes as we walked. Thank God there wasn’t a fucking hole in the ground or something, ‘cause we weren’t paying attention. 

 

We didn’t have to say anything.

 

I pushed her into a nearby alley that we passed, pressing her against the brick wall. We didn’t kiss at first, just got up close. So we could feel each other, her heat, and my ice. She brings me up, I bring her down. We meet in the middle. Staring to each other’s eyes, arms wrapped around one another, I rested my forehead on hers.

 

It felt like  _ home _ , where I was always supposed to be. Where I’m meant to be.

 

Our breathing became intertwined, her leg wrapped around my back. 

 

Those damn amethyst eyes, so beautiful.

 

I love the feeling of her against me. Not sure if I’ve felt anything better than Daenerys Targaryen’s scalding hot body pressed tightly against my chest. 

 

What’s really getting me off is the way she’s looking at me, almost ravenously. I’m doing my best to return this look. 

 

Slowly, her tongue drags over her bottom lip, then nibbles on it. 

 

Fuck, My dick went from waking up to wide awake in a second. I almost just spunked at the sight. For fuck sakes, my cock is stuck between her thighs right now.

 

Ugh… I can’t take it any longer. Our lips collide together in a marriage so sweet it’d give someone diabetes. I can’t help but moan as she opens her mouth, my tongue explores her. She bucks her hips into mine, starting to grind on me again.

 

Fuck… she’s a pro.

 

Our mouths separate so I can breathe, my head rests on her shoulder, one of her hands entangles in my hair. Her head hangs over my hear. Normally, I’d hate someone’s hot breath on my ear. It so damn sensual when she does it, doesn’t help that she bites my ear again. My teeth wash over her neck as she did me last night, the act makes her groan in my ear canal.

 

She whispers in my ear, “I need you. Where have you been all my life?”

 

I bring my head up to look her in the eyes, “I’ve always been there, I’m just here now.”

 

Her hands cup my face, “Fuck me before I die. I need it.”

 

My hand snakes down her pussy, fuck me, her crotch is damp. Daenerys Targaryen is goddamn wet for me, holy shit. I start to rub my hand over her mound. She growls at me, clawing at me back. I kiss her hard, pushing harder against her. Rubbing her cunt with more intensity. 

 

Teenage Jon would fucking shit his pants. Wish I could tell my younger self to just wait a couple more years, you’ll get what you want. 

 

I look over my shoulder to all the people passing by the alley, surprisingly, I don’t think anyone really notices us. But that doesn’t mean I can fuck Dany right here, as much as I want to. Fuck, I want to.

 

“Can we make it to my car?”

 

“Damn it, Jon,” she sighs. “I’m asking you to fuck me.” 

 

I guess she doesn’t have to ask normally… or beg. 

 

“I know that, but you wanna fuck right here? In a goddamn alley?” I say. “We should have a little privacy.”

 

“Like the back of your car is that private.”

 

“Moreso than this alleyway,” I laugh.

 

Her eyes flutter to something behind me, settling on something, she says, “I’ve got a better idea.” Inclining her chin to whatever the fuck she’s looking at.

 

I cock my head to the side to see a public bathroom sign hanging off the wall, just down the alley to my right. The fuck? “A bathroom?”

 

“More private than your car,” she smirks. Then her own hand goes down to my cock, she grips it through my jeans. “You’re good and hard for me right now, might as well use it.”

 

Damn her hand feels good wrapped around my dick, and if she keeps stroking me like that I’m gonna jizz before I even get my pants off to fuck her. I sigh, but relent, “Alright, let’s go.”

 

We all but run down the alley to the door, which doesn’t look that bad. I look both ways like crossing the street before pushing my way through the door. I step through to a singular bathroom, a shitter and sink. The mirror is cracked, and one roll of toilet paper on the tile floor by the moad. There’s a light on the ceiling that flickers every couple seconds. Despite all that, it’s somehow kinda clean, a lived-in sort of way. 

 

Dany walks in from behind me, taking it all in. I turn around and make sure the door is fucking locked at least. When I get myself back around, Dany crashes into me, trapping me against the door. Hungrily capturing my lips, I reciprocate.

 

Though now it feels like she’s taking control like last time, after feeling the rush of fucking a girl and being the dominant one, I need that again. Fucking Ygritte like that felt better than any other fuck I’ve ever had. 

 

I just realized I’m suddenly becoming really sexually active. Wow, my doctor should be proud, now whenever he asks, I can say I am. Holy shit, have I peaked? Is this the top?

 

Anyhoo, I push back against Dany, picking her up. She growls at me, which only makes me harder. Deciding to press her against the wall, I hold her up, both her legs wrap around my back, kissing all the while. 

 

“My jacket…” she moans out.

 

Oh, right, clothes.

 

I let her down, pulling her zipper down as hard as I can so I can get the motherfucker off as quick as possible. The way she sheds it, I can see she feels similarly. Revealing a purple tank top, I immediately pulled her back to me. My hands run down her back as she bucks into me again. She shrugs the tank top down her torso, I take her bra off so fast I don’t even remember what it looked like. Though I have to take a step back to take her in, her ample breasts, definitely bigger than Ygritte’s. I go to work on them. My mouth sucks on one while my hand plays with the other tit.

 

She impatiently tears my hair tie out to let my tresses loose, her fingers dig into my scalp, massaging me. I guess this means keep doing what you’re doing. 

 

“ _ Fuuuck,  _ Jon.”

 

Yeah, alright, that’s about it. Hearing come out of her mouth only makes it excite me more.

 

Dany starts to tug on my shirt, “Off.” She commands. 

 

I obey, not even bothering to undo the buttons, pulling it over my head. Her eyes got big as saucers as she sets eyes on me. Feminine hands on my abs, she exhaled in pleasure. We started making out again, which I could literally do all day, but my dick is getting ready to burst out of my pants if it doesn’t get some attention. When you so fucking hard it hurts. Thankfully, Dany also notices this. Before I know it she’s got my pants undone and around my ankles. 

 

How the fuck does she do that so fast?

 

She purrs, taking hold of my cock, stroking me. Both my hands fall against the wall behind her for support, also trapping her. She bites her lip, looking up at me, “As much as I’d like to finish you off with my mouth again… something else needs attention.”

 

Knowing exactly what she talking about, I help her with her jeans. In just a few moments were both completely naked, the shattered mirror is fogging up its so steamy. Our forms mold back together, my cock brushing against her pussy, she moans, “Fuck me already.”

 

“Yes, My Queen,” I laugh, picking her back up, holding her up by her thick thighs. She gets her legs around me.

 

“My Queen?”

 

“That’s what I said.”

 

“I kinda like that.”

 

I don’t consider responding, just trying to prepare myself for what I’m about to do. I’m about to fuck Daenerys Targaryen. Whoa. What a life. I’m also officially cheating on Ygritte… Imma try not to think about that right now.

 

Robb is gonna kill me when he hears about this. Fuck. I’m not excited about that conversation.

 

Ygritte can never know. I realize that now, she would literally shoot at me with a bow and arrow or something. She’s a good shot, this one time when we went to a shooting range and she hit the goddamn center every time. Now that I think about it, she’s got medals and shit for archery at the house.

 

Wow, I’m fucked if she finds out.

 

Alright, back to reality you fucking idiot.

 

I ease my cock into his pussy, biting back a moan. She literally latches her teeth onto my shoulder to muffle her pleasure. Seven hells, I can already tell this is gonna be insane. I get right into it, setting a slow pace, holding her up against the wall. Our lips go back together so we can collectivity groan into each other's mouths.

 

Oh. My. God.

 

I’m in outer space. Dany’s pussy is sweeter than any honey or any other pussy I’ve been in. Which is literally only Ygritte’s now that I think about it… sorry, Hon. We melt into one another. For some reason, she must feel enamored with my hair because both of her hands constantly rake through it. My face is buried in her tits, which I have zero qualms with. 

 

“Ah… Jon… Don’t stop,” Dany breathed out, sounding like she’s in a trance.

 

Gods, I love it when she says my name. 

 

I pick up the pace now, actually trying to fuck her into the wall. This probably isn’t great for her back but I honestly don’t give a damn. By the sounds she’s making she’s having a hell of a time, I just hope we're not being too loud. I look down at my dick, damn it, it looks good going in and out of that cunt. My cock is getting around to every inch of that pussy. 

 

I’m surprised I haven’t came by now, especially by all the kissing we did earlier. My resolve feels emboldened, but I don’t think I’ll be fighting this off. I just don’t wanna beat her to the finish.

 

“Go ahead, babe,” I mutter, laying chaste kisses on her.

 

“You first,” she counters, biting down on my bottom lip, her head rocked back. 

As My Queen commands, I feel myself reaching the edge. When it arrives, I nearly dropped Dany,  being as the release was so overwhelming. Climaxing as my dick is buried in her. Instead of pulling out I fucked her harder, mounting her as the pleasure became all there was. I could die right now and I’d be fine with it. As if my finishing was a sign for her to as well, her grip on my tightens, nails dragging across the flesh of my back. I capture her mouth again as we both reached the end. Her head falls to my shoulder, breathing heavy, she slides down the wall until her feet hit the ground. Slowly, I retract my cock from her form, still pulsing and dripping. 

 

“You’re so beautiful, Dany,” I say, kissing the top of her head, one of my free hands plays with her hair. “That was perfect. Just like you.”

 

“Hmm…” she mutters into my shoulder. Then she looks up at me, “I… don’t have words to properly describe that.”

 

“Good to hear,” I smile, the two of us still wrapped up. “I gotta say, even though I’ve been over this moment a hundred times, I thought it’d be good. It was so much better than I ever could’ve imagined.”

 

She giggles, “Really?”

 

“You are legendary, Daenerys Targaryen.”

 

Breathing kinda heavy after all the exertions, I back up. She leans on me for support, which just ends up being a hug. My hand trails down to her bare ass, I can’t resist giving it a squeeze. I feel her lashes close as she wraps tighter around me, her head ground against my chest.

 

“What now?” I asked her. A question for her and myself. Now that I’ve fully committed to her, I don’t have any idea what to do now. 

 

“I don’t know,” she whispers. 

 

Great. At least both of us are together in our confusion. 

 

“What I do know though,” she says, looking up at me with those eyes. “Is I  _ need _ this.  _ More _ of this, I  _ want  _ more.”

 

Fucking crazy, that she just said that, that we standing here, as naked as the goddamn day we came out of our mother’s womb. Holding each other, a moment more sensual and intimate than I’ve ever experienced. 

 

Cupping her face, I tell her, “This is all I’ve ever  _ wanted. _ ”

 

“Glad we’re in agreement then,” she says, moving up to kiss me. Which I gladly accept.

 

We start getting back into it, somehow I end up on my back on the dirty ass floor. Dany is straddling me, her tits are dangling in front of my face. I reach out and take them in both of my hands. Meanwhile, she starts grinding her soaking wet pussy on my cock. Which is starting to wake back up right about now.

  
Does she wanna do what I think she wanna? What?

 

Is she gonna… Oh… Fuck me. My grip on her titties increases as my dick reaches full length. Her eyes are so lusty right now, sheesh. I love it. Her hand takes hold of me, then she guides my member inside her. 

 

Seven hells, Daenerys Targaryen is riding me. Oh… Fuck, shit, balls, cunt, bitch.

 

Her own hands go to her head, she starts to play with her hair. I saw that in porno one time. Kinda Ironic.

 

Now I side my hands down to her waist, watching her bounce up and down my cock. Alright, I gotta slap her ass. Is she okay with that? Nevermind, I don’t care. 

 

When my hand collides with her cheek, she yelps, but doesn’t sound displeased. In fact, I didn’t think she could look at me any more sensually, but she does now. She bites her lip, then begins squeezing on her boobs. Like rubbing on her breasts, fuck it’s hot. As a reward, I slap her ass again. But that only emboldened her, riding me harder, she starts to squeal now. The kinda moan that makes a dude jizz by just hearing it. Everybody knows the one. 

 

I’m literally amazed by my sexual endurance. How am I lasting this long? I don’t normally last this long when I fucking jerk off. 

 

Both my hands start grabbing on her ass, almost pinching it, I wanna make sure it’s as red as a goddamn tomato after I’m done. I’m marking my territory, Daario Naharis. Fuck off. She’s mine.

 

I buck my hips into her now, making her feel every inch of me. She leans over to kiss me, which I very much enjoy. 

 

Finally, I’m reaching my release. I don’t waste any time running across the checkered line. But I fuck her until I’m done. This orgasm twice as good as the last one somehow. What a rush. It feels endless. Like when you steal a parking spot right in front of somebody, and you have that stare down with the other motherfucker. It’s like that feeling but better, knowing what you did was wrong, but it felt so goddamn good. 

 

Dany is a forbidden fruit, it’s those fruits that you can’t have that always taste the sweetest.

 

She’s right after me. I feel her cunt tighten around me, she grabs a tighter hold around my head as she finishes. Letting out another one of those god-tier moans that I wish could record. So that whenever I’m feeling blue I can whip out my phone and hear the noise that came out of the most beautiful woman in the world made because of me.

 

Dany collapses onto me, one of her tits hits me in the face and I don’t mind one bit. In fact, I take in my mouth to get a taste for her flesh again. A taste so sweet I don’t ever wanna brush my teeth ever again, so it lingers on my tongue forever.

 

She rolls over to lay beside me, laying her head on chest, our limbs all tangled together. I’m so sweaty my hair sticks to my forehead. She’s glistening in the best way.

 

So we just lay there for a while, not talking. Which is fine by me, I’ve exerted myself so much I don’t know if I can form words even if I wanted to. My heart’s beating out of my chest, I can feel how hard hers is too. 

 

God, what the fuck am I doing? I totally gave in to her. All that lust overflowed and I had nowhere to put it. Did I just make a mess that I can’t clean up? I resist the urge to slap my forehead, what the fuck am I going to do now? 

 

I’m probably late. By now she’s not waiting for me. I was supposed to meet her back at the house… That’s out the window now, I guess. She’s gone to the restaurant. Robb, Margaery, and Ygritte are probably sitting around a table right now. Waiting for me. They’ll do that thing when you tell your server that you’ve still got one person on the way and you can’t decide if you wanna go ahead and order or if you wanna wait until the other person gets there. I can see it now, the three of them, making small talk, and drinking ice water.

 

Kinda brings a smile to my face for some reason, I can’t place it.

 

Ygritte’s most definitely been texting me, but I’ve got no idea considering I put my phone on silent before I ever sat down in the coffee shop. It’s still in the pocket of pants that around here somewhere. I’d look at my watch but I took it off before I started fucking Dany. I’d be willing to guess we’ve been fucking for at least two hours, that’s what it felt like it at least. 

 

It’s been the best two hours of my goddamn life that’s for sure. 

 

What did all this cost though?

  
Well, it could end my potential marriage to Ygritte. As great as that sex was, I don’t want that. Ygritte isn’t perfect, but I still love her. 

 

Fucking Dany could damage my relationship with Robb, I hadn’t considered that actually. Until this very second. Fuck. He told me not to do this, didn’t he? Kinda. He said something about making a decision and sticking to it. Wow, I definitely didn’t do that. I fucked both girls on the same day, shit, in a span of twelve hours. That’s gotta be some kind of record. 

 

I breathe out, “Well… guess I don’t need to go to the gym for a couple of days.”

 

“That’s funny, Jon Snow,” she laughs.

 

“Was that as good for you as it was for me?”

 

_ “Better.” _   
  


 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HEY.
> 
> Geez, I hope that didn't get too uncomfortable for you. That was the smuttiest smut that I've ever written. I'm honestly kinda embarrassed to have written all that but what the hell. I felt it was appropriate for the Jonerys fans out there who were starved of our two favorite characters. Plenty of fucking for you here. 
> 
> I coulda thrown another cliffhanger at you but this ending was fitting. So I left it.
> 
> I'm kinda on a writing tangent right now, I'm updating shit like crazy. That being said I'm still not going to get a schedule because I won't make the dates. Also, I'm balancing a lot of plates right now, and I refuse to drop any of them. 
> 
> Be sure to give The Heart of the Blessed a look if you haven't already, it's super dope. You won't regret it.
> 
> I would LOVE some outpouring of comments now. I need them. Lemme know something, you love it, you hate it. (I hope not) Was the smut to smutty? Did it scratch your need for endless Jonerys banging? lol
> 
> Anyhoos, I'll check ya at a later date.
> 
> Tell your friends.


	5. Cheat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jon comes to terms and goes to dinner.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey 
> 
> Sorry for the wait, the words haven't been exactly 'flowing' recently and I've got two other projects in the air right now. That aside I really love this chapter. Like a lot. At times it's a really emotional one, it was for me writing it. The process was slow though, sometimes it really would flow outta me and I could write for hours, others... not a single word.
> 
> The life of the authors, my friends.
> 
> Anyway, Hope you like.

Fuck.

 

I fucked up. 

 

Somehow, I got my clothes back on and I told her that I had to go. Which I actually did. I’m late, and I’ve got no idea how long I’ve been off the grid. I needed to go. As awesome as hanging out with her was, I kinda started to freak out. It all started to set in.

 

I  _ cheated. _

 

_ I am a cheater. _

 

Basically, I almost had a full on panic attack. Mostly because of all that I did with her then. Again as it happened I forgot about all else, it wasn’t until it was over that I thought about Ygritte. Fucking Dany was just so easy, making the decision came quicker than snapping my fucking fingers. I’m such a piece of shit. How can I do it without any fucking contemplation? 

 

When trying to decide between Dany and Ygritte feels impossible? Though when I’m with Dany… fucking her seemed like common sense. Fucking Ygritte felt like common fucking sense. 

 

What is happening to me?

 

I don’t know how I feel about all this, now that’s it’s actually come to pass. It was awesome, and I don’t think I regret it, but I feel really weird. Whenever I’m distanced from either one of them I’m conflicted. But whenever I’m with either one of them I can fuck them without a second thought. It’s like they consume me. My mind becomes clouded. My judgment is muddled.

 

If she hadn’t needed to leave as well I don’t know what I woulda did. She had to get back home. 

 

We promised that we’d see each other soon and we separated.

 

I nearly told her I was engaged a few different times, it was on the tip of my goddamn tongue. But I didn’t. I wanted to. I was scared. It can’t figure out what her reaction would be. She could either freak the fuck out and hate me. Or maybe she’ll feel connected to me somehow because she’s literally in the same situation. I want it to the be latter but a part of me is convinced it’s not gonna be. 

 

But how could she get mad at me? That’s hypocritical as fuck. Shit. Maybe I shoulda told her. 

 

I still didn’t turn my phone on, I can’t look at it now.

 

I knew where we were supposed to meet. When I finally checked the time, I realized that I’m an hour late. I know that I’m gonna have to face the music soon. Hopefully not tonight. 

 

As I drive to the restaurant, I begin to consider what my explanation will be. At the present moment, I’ve got no clue. Yet, I need to think of something. I’ve just got so much other shit on my mind. 

 

I was supposed to meet her, and I didn’t. Not only that, I haven’t been in any contact with her. Her wrath already feels inescapable, like I’ve fallen in a fucking pit. 

 

What am I supposed to say? I was stuck in fucking traffic? For an hour and a half? 

 

Holy shit, I’m fucked. 

 

I don’t think I can even conjure an explanation. 

 

Maybe I should just own it. ‘Yeah, Ygritte, I just spent a few hours fucking Daenerys Targaryen.’ 

 

Oh yeah, that’d be great. Let’s fucking go with that! 

 

Goddamn it. 

 

I put this on myself and I have to face the consequences. I fucked Dany’s brains out instead of making dinner with family. Seven fucking hells never thought I’d make it here. If you had told me I’d end up here just a week ago I’d tell you you’ve been doing too much LSD. 

 

Alright, I’m just around the corner now. Still, I can’t think of anything to say. Maybe I should just say nothing. Walk in and sit the fuck down. 

 

Yeah… sure. 

  
  


Okay. Okay, I can do this. 

 

Where the fuck are they?

 

I’m completely ignoring the probably pretty nice woman who you asks you how many people you are with. That woman. 

 

Why we chose a fucking steakhouse for this I have no fucking idea. All the employees are wearing goddamn blue jeans. It’s a full fucking house too, goddamn boatloads of people sitting all a bunch of tables. On the far wall is an open kitchen, all kinds of motherfuckers cooking shit back there. 

 

Oh shit… there they are. 

 

I almost wanna duck down and goddamn hide. You know what? There’s no almost, I actually want to run away. 

 

They’re near the middle of the room. Thankfully, Ygritte’s back is to me, and Margaery is pretty close to her so I don’t think either one of them could see me. Robb though, he’s kinda across from them.

 

God, I’m such a bitch. This is what you get Jon, you dumbass. I’ve made choices and I have to live with them. I’ll be goddamn if it doesn’t fucking suck though. 

 

The real crux of the issue is that I fucked Dany, even though I knew that it would fuck everything up. At this point, I’m not sure if I’d do it again. Ideally, I’d get to fuck her and then we’d part ways. I’d finally have gotten to fuck her and she’d… I don’t know what she’d get actually. A good fuck? But that should be the end of it either way. 

 

It’s not. 

 

We gonna see each other again. 

 

It’s like… fuck. I can’t describe it. I’m drawn to her, I guess. There’s a band tying us together, we can’t get too far away from one another. Or else we run out of slack, but we tied together. 

 

That’s what it feels like to me at least. 

 

Which is strange because I’ve known her for years but I still don’t know a goddamn thing about her. That’s not actually true, she just dumped a whole bunch of shit on us. Fuck, and I didn’t tell her I’m engaged. She told me all this shit and I couldn’t tell her I’m in the same boat. Like the situation is so similar that it seems like some dude put this all together. 

 

Wow, I’m in quite the pickle here. I don’t think I can do this much longer and it’s only been a couple of days. Being a cheater, and all that goes along with it. Living two fucking lives really, that’s what this is. 

 

I’ve got the horned up version of myself with Dany. 

 

And the classical brooding Jon with Ygritte. 

 

Honestly, it’s like choosing between two cakes, both taste really fucking good, but one is chocolate, and the other is vanilla. I always liked vanilla better but I’m sure who is vanilla. Dany or Ygritte.

 

Wow, that was a really fucking good analogy. Nice job brain. I should write that down when I get home. 

 

Really though, chocolate or vanilla?

 

God, now that I think about it, a double chocolate cake kicks ass. But there’s something special about a classic vanilla cake, Y’know? 

 

But also there’s the backlash from either choice if I choose Dany who knows how Ygritte will react. If I go back to Ygritte I’ll be turning away my first true love. 

 

Stuck between a rock and a hard place, as they say. 

 

Alright, Robb definitely just saw me. We locked eyes. But he didn’t say anything to the girls. They’re doing exactly what I thought, sitting around, with some glasses of water. Oh… his face, I’ve seen that expression before. 

 

Utter disappointment. 

 

He’s excusing himself, probably to go the bathroom. Ah, maybe he said that but he doesn’t need to shit because he took a right instead of left. He’s coming right for me, he just looks exasperated. 

 

When he gets to me, neither of us said anything. He just shrugs, with a long face. Then grabs me by the arm and tugs me until we’re outside on the street. 

 

“Goddamn it, Jon,” He finally breaths out, once he’s cornered me. “You know when you were supposed to be here. Where have you been? Ygritte’s worried sick about you.”

 

I avoided his gaze, shaking my head, “Why ask a question you already know the answer to? Robb, you know where I was.” When I regard him again he’s scowling at me. 

 

“What the fuck did I say?”

 

“Listen, Robb, I don’t know what to tell you okay?” I sigh, taking a deep breath. “I don’t. I wish I could tell you.”

 

“I told you not to.”

 

“Aye, you did.”

 

“And you did it anyway.”

 

“Yup,” I nodded. “I fucked her brains out in a nasty bathroom.” 

 

Robb scoffs, incredulously, “Are you fucking kidding me?”

 

“Nope,” I say, clicking my tongue. “My dick was in her less than two hours ago, maybe less.”

 

It’s hard to ascertain my feelings about all this, but I know for sure that I’ve got no reason to keep any of it from Robb. 

 

I’m done keeping secrets. The only thing secrets do is to create barriers between people. Except for Ygritte, I’m not telling her a goddamn thing. 

 

I like living. 

 

“I did it, Robb. I fucked her, and you know what? It was fucking amazing,” I made sure to lean in so I wasn’t so loud. My brother gave nothing away on his face. 

 

“You’re a real piece of work, you know that?”

 

“Bet your fucking ass I know that.”

 

Robb scowled, to my surprise he grabbed a fistful of my shirt and pulled me close. He whispers, “Jon, you listen to me and you listen good, this isn’t you. You’ve fucked up real good, brother. You were already in a tight spot, but now you’re well and truly in worse shape.” He stuck his finger in my face, “I  _ fucking _ warned you.”

 

Of course, I know I put myself in a fucking bind. It’s my own damn fault and I realize that. I don’t need Robb telling me that. Besides, I can’t find a fuck to give. 

 

“I don’t care.”

 

“You don’t care?”

 

“I don’t have any answers for you, Robb,” I hang my head as he backs up. “I made a decision and I stick by it.”

 

“How can you? Stick by it? You fucking  _ cheated.” _

 

Now I get in his face, “You think I don’t know that? If there’s anything I know it’s  _ that. _ I know what I did.”

 

I am finally coming to the realization of the consequences of my actions. I could actually lose everything. If I don’t play my cards right I’m gonna lose both of the girls. But I don’t have a play. I don’t know what to do. Every option that comes to mind just makes things worse. 

 

That this point it just feels like I’m sinking, and there’s nothing I can do to plug the holes. I’m going underwater and I don’t know how to fucking swim. It’s all bad.

 

If I go back to Dany, Ygritte will eventually find out. I can’t keep tiptoeing around. And GODDAMMIT, I still don’t have an explanation. 

 

But if I ignore Dany I’ll feel like I’m tearing a piece of my soul away. Gods, she the missing piece to the puzzle that is my existence. How can I resist her? How I can turn away from her just as we’ve come together? A part of me wants to run to her and never look back. 

 

What if I just come clean? To everybody. I mean shit, Dany told me the truth. Doesn’t she deserve the same?

 

Yes.

 

She fucking does.

 

The very next time I see her I’m gonna fucking tell her. I have to. After that… I’ll know where I stand with everything. If she reacts badly, I’ll leave her alone and go back to Ygritte. If… if Dany somehow doesn’t mind.

 

Fuck, that will complicate matters even more.

 

“How bad is it with her?” I ask him.

 

“Ygritte?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“Like I said… she’s worried sick about you. You didn’t call her or anything.”

 

“What was I supposed to say?”

 

Robb opened his mouth to retort but no words came out. He closed it in confusion. 

 

“Yeah… ain’t so easy, is it?” I told him, putting my hand on my hips. “If I thought of something to say to her I would’ve.”

 

“You’re gonna have to say something to her now, dude,” Robb points out. Which I had considered, but didn’t quite realize the reality of it. Remembering that I still haven’t thought of something to say. Probably gonna have to be another point-blank lie to my intended. 

 

What’s funny is that I can’t even think of a lie to tell her. 

 

“I know… I don’t know what I’m gonna do.”

 

“Even if I wanted to cover for you she won’t stand for that twice.”

 

“I’m just gonna have to think of something.”

 

“Well… there is a reason for this dinner, maybe that can overshadow your inconsistencies.” Before I can ponder what he’s talking about he walks away from me towards the doors. He doesn’t say anything or turn back to me so I assume he presumed I’d follow. Which I do.

 

Feeling Ygritte’s gaze settle on me made me want to run away and hide. I’ve never felt this  _ scared  _ of her. She doesn’t look furious, just worried like Robb said. I stopped dead in my tracks as she got up. Her feet carried her over to me, embracing me before I could blink. A soft hug, which I returned, it felt nice. She looked up at me with tears in her eyes, “Where have you been? Are you okay?”

 

“I’m sorry,” I whisper to her, placing a kiss on her forehead. “I didn’t mean to worry you. I lost track of time.”

 

Somehow, that response seemed to satisfy her. She turned around and went back to the table.

 

I noticed Margaery beaming at me, lovely woman. Robb is very lucky, they’ve been married for years now. 

 

“Hey, Marge,” I smile.

 

“Jon, it’s good to see you.”

 

I take my seat across from Ygritte, next to Robb, giving Margaery a short gun along the way. “Yeah… Sorry, I’m late.”

 

“It’s alright, we were getting ready to order anyway.”

 

The waiter came over and I ordered an ice water and a medium-rare steak. I zoned out for everyone else’s orders. Mostly because I am not looking forward to the upcoming conversation. The typical talk, ‘Yeah, things are going okay at work, I’m trying to get a promotion.’ ‘That’s cool.’

 

It happens all the time, it just so happens that everyone is no more interesting than the next. That or no one wants to share something of actual meaning. It’s not like this with Dany and I, another check in her box.

 

“Yeah, everything's good at work,” Robb said.

 

See?

 

“That’s very good to hear,” Ygritte replies. 

 

God, I can feel myself slipping. I don’t know what to do. They continue to talk about whatever, I can’t find a damn to give. This is all dumb shit. Damn, I wish I wasn’t here right now. I don’t wanna have to face this. I can feel it coming… the reckoning. I’m gonna have to answer for all this shit. I don’t have any explanation. 

 

I’m not excited about it. 

 

I hear my name. 

 

“Jon?”

 

My head snaps up, “What?”

 

Robb smirks at me, “I asked you a question.”

 

“Sorry, I zoned out.”

 

Ygritte puts her hand on my back, “You’ve been doing that a lot lately. Something on your mind?”

 

“You could say that.”

 

“Anyway,” Robb says. “Jon, we were talking about high school. You remember that time you and I planted some milk in the ceiling in the boy's bathroom?”

 

That did make me smile. On our last week of senior year, Robb and I went fucking wild. Did all sorts of crazy shit, did whatever we wanted. I had this crazy idea to stick a small carton of milk in the ceiling. In the boy's bathroom, there were those panels up above, that could be lifted up and shit. 

 

“Oh my God, yeah,” I laughed. “That was crazy.”

 

“We never even found out what happened with that ‘cause we graduated like a few days later. I wonder if they ever found that shit,” Robb grinned, Margaery playfully hit him on the arm. Probably for saying ‘shit’ which confused me. She’s never been anal about the bad language before. She played it off like it was nothing but Robb just looked away in shame. 

 

What the fuck?

 

“I… uh, I bet they did,” I said, scratching the back of my neck. Feeling the awkwardness to an extreme level, even Ygritte felt it, I think. 

 

“Jon,” Margaery says my name. “How have you been? You seem kinda… distant.”

 

“Distant? Nah. I’ve just got a lot on my mind.” I reply. Really fucking trying to deflect any attention off me, I don’t wanna have this turn into a Jon roast fest.

 

“Like what?” Ygritte says, leaning over to me.

 

Fuck me.

 

I shrug, “I don’t know, the usual stuff… my studies, work.”

 

Before Ygritte can press me, Margaery speaks up. Thank the Gods.

 

“Well,” she says, her hand sliding over to take Robb’s. While the other slithers over her belly. “We did have a reason for wanting to have dinner with you guys.”

 

“Oh my goodness,” Ygritte whispers. I guess she’s seeing something I’m not. What are they talking about? Wait… no way.

 

Robb grins, looking at his wife in the eyes before turning back to us. He says, rather plainly, “We’re pregnant.”

 

My mouth dropped open as Ygritte squeals in excitement, she jumps up to go over to enrapture Marge in a hug. I close my eyes for a few moments, zoning out, not letting any noise in. This is really exciting… for them, at least. But if I know Ygritte, she’s gonna ask me about kids again after this. A discussion we’ve had at length. I’ve always been sort of noncommittal about it as a whole. The idea seems awesome enough, having a small person, two parts myself and her. Ideally, it would be life-altering, in a good way. But right now, it would halt my entire life. 

 

I’ve still got things I wanna do. Having kids means you’re well and truly settling down. Everything because more difficult than it has to be when you’ve got a small child. You can’t go anywhere because you’ve gotta find someone to look after your spawn. I wanna travel still, I’d be damned tied to the fucking ground I walk on if I have a kid. Constantly having to watch over it, so you make it doesn’t choke and die or something.

 

I’m not ready for that right now. Just the thought makes me nervous.

 

Kids were something Ygritte started to talk about once we moved in together. I wanted to tell her she was crazy, but I didn’t. Instead, I said, ‘One day, maybe.’ I’ll never forget the disappointment on her face. Someday, I can totally see myself having kids. But seven hells, not right now, I’ve got too much shit going on. I don’t even wanna think about it.

 

Even worse, I’m a bastard. Therefore any child I father will have the name. Snow. A hard life for a child, the hardest I’ve ever heard of. Even if I get married. Snow. I wouldn’t wish that life on anyone. 

 

Honestly, I dunno how I made it through. I remember when I was so goddamn lost and depressed I couldn’t get out of bed. Like my bones were made of stone, couldn’t even check my phone, nothing appealed to me. Except for the darkness, I only wanted it to be dark forever. Where no one could touch me. No one could hurt me, or curse me. Where my name didn’t matter, I was just the same as everyone else. That’s all I’ve ever wanted anyway, what I’ve always truly wanted. 

 

I was there sometimes. I wanted to stay. It was comfortable there. But I couldn’t because nothing was all there was. 

 

I remember when I took all those sleeping pills. I just wanted to sleep, and I did. But I woke up… in a hospital bed. That was enough to scare me straight, for a while. It’s all in the past now though. 

 

Funny how everyone always talks about wanting to be different and stand out, but I can guarantee you that whoever said that has never had anything unique about them. Because ‘standing out’ is the opposite of what I wanted, I just wanted to blend in. Being different and standing out means people see you, lots of folks take that opportunity to pick at every little thing about you. Then others jump in and you really are the center of attention. 

 

I always wondered why and it wasn’t until much later that I realized that it was because they were angry at you for the attention you were getting. Ironic because we wouldn’t have that attention is they weren’t giving it to us. 

 

Or maybe they’re jealous of what the other person has. Certainly not in my case, in others yes. For example, if someone had red hair and everyone started calling them, “fire head,” or “carrot top.” That was because deep down they wanted hair like that. 

 

Funny how everyone wants to be needed, but not everyone wants to be seen.

 

Once Ygritte lets go of Marge, she looks back at me. Fuck me, I know that look. That’s the look that says, ‘I want this.’ Or I need something. 

 

Ha. No way, babe. Ain’t happening.

 

I might have a panic attack, this is just all too much. This really isn’t a good time for a breakdown. With all the shit I’ve done with Dany hanging over my head now, Ygritte bearing on me, Robb and Marge are having a kid. Seven hells, is it hot in here?

 

I recognize I’ve been silent. 

 

“Wow, Robb, Marge, I’m so happy for you guys,” I swallowed hard.

 

It’s true, I am. Robb will be the best Dad ever, probably. 

 

“Thanks, brother,” Robb can’t stop smiling. “We only just found out a couple of weeks ago. We’re stoked.”

 

“I’ll bet,” Ygritte says. Taking her seat next to me again. Goddamnit, I can hear it in her voice. The shadow of the jealousy growing in her belly. Before long it’ll be a full grown tree, sprouting leaves. I suspect she’ll lose her shit when I toss gasoline all over it. She’ll probably cry about it as it burns while I keep a stern almost relieved countenance. Maybe we can plant another someday. 

 

“You want a boy or a girl?” Ygritte prods, giddy.

 

“I don’t know, healthy, that’s what I want.”

 

Give it up for the goddamn bog-standard fucking answer. Whenever someone asks a pregnant woman if they want a boy or girl I’ll bet nine damn times out of ten the bitch says, ‘Just healthy.’ For fuck's sake, everyone wants a healthy baby. I feel like that’s common sense, and everyone understands that. No need to act like we’re cavemen. It’s alright though, I know they want a boy. For some reason, I think a lot of potential parents want a boy subconsciously. Sometimes, they ‘expect’ a girl, and get a boy. Then the subsequent sigh of relief, because I think girls are awesome but high stress. Boys are some much easier to handle, I suppose. But what the fuck do I know? 

 

“How about names? Have you thought about that?” I ask. 

 

Robb shrugged, “A bit.”

 

“Well?”

 

Margaery starts expositing like she couldn’t hold it in any longer. “Well, I’ve actually thought about it a whole lot. We’ve had some discussions, and we really couldn’t come to a consensus, until… Lily for a girl,” then she locked eyes with Robb. “If it’s a boy… Eddard, he’ll go by Ned, of course.”

 

Huh.

 

Eddard Stark… the second? I honestly don’t know if Dad was the first. Wow, though, that’s an interesting thought. I wonder what Pop would think about that if he was still with us. God… sometimes I really miss him. He was my hero, for all his faults. I remember when I found out he had cancer, I had to leave. It was too much. I got in my car and just drove, and drove, and drove. I had to turn around once I got to far down the King’s Road. I cried and cried, it just wouldn’t stop. Because I couldn’t imagine a world where my Dad didn’t exist. Where I couldn’t call him, just to talk, or because I needed advice. I could always talk to him, and a lot of times whatever he suggested, I did. 

 

He was a goddamn superhero. But that’s really want growing up means, watching those heroes in your lives come down to your level. When you see that they aren’t actually all that special, but you still regard them that way. My father had an otherworldly aura, his presence lifted all those around. Kinda like Dany, in a way, that extreme warmth that makes you unable to stop smiling. 

 

Oh man, I’m fucking tearing up again. Fuck, I miss my Dad. He won’t be there when I get married. He won’t be there when I have kids. That’s the worst part, I won’t be able to share that happiness with him. I won’t get to look over from beside my bride to see his smiling face. I’d pay a lot of money --- No, all my fucking money just to see him, just to hear his voice. Thankfully, we do have plenty of video of him, at parties and such. But it’s not the same, right after he died, I’d keep calling his phone number, not because I thought he’d answer but because I knew it wouldn’t. He had the same voicemail for his entire life. He worked in lumber, and he only had one phone that serves as a personal and for work stuff. He’d come over the speaker, with his thick northern tone, “ _ Hello, this is Eddard Stark, sorry I can’t answer the phone right now. If you’re inquiring about Stark Lumber, please leave your name and number and I’ll get back to you. If not, then well, I suppose you know what to do after the beep _ .”

 

I can hear it now. I dialed his number until they turned it off, then I just cried more. I haven’t had to endure that many traumatic experiences in my life, thank the lord, but losing my Dad was the worst thing that’s ever happened to me.

 

Fuck Cancer.

 

Oh man, I’m happy though. Not because he’s gone but because he lived. The way he lived, just that I got to be around him. I’m elated knowing there’ll be another Ned running around soon. Robb got a lot of his mother's features, but I hope some of those tried and true Stark ones come out. I hope the kid grows up to look just like Dad. 

 

I wipe my tears away with my thumb, Robb’s doing the same, I bet seeing me cry made him as well. What sucks is that this isn’t a burden anyone can help us with. Nothing lessens the weight, it just sucks, and it only gets worse as time passes. They say time heals all wounds, but that’s just not true. Dad’s own father died, and mentioning that alone would make him cry. All those years later, it still hurt. You might go days, or weeks without thinking about it. Nevertheless, when the thought pops into your head it still hurts like hell. 

 

It’d all quieted down now, our significant others noticing our outpouring of emotion. Sniffling, I clear my throat, “I… I hope it’s a boy.”

 

Robb rubbed his face over, then replied, “Yeah… me too.”

 

No one said anything else, our waiter brought our food over on a platter. I didn’t even bother to see what everyone else was eating. I drank my water and inhaled my steak. I’m too sad to think right now. Ironic how the coolness of having a baby was blotted out by the trauma of losing my father to cancer. 

 

I don’t think I’ve talked that much to Ygritte about my father, other than he’s gone. I can’t, it just gets too painful sometimes. Even the wonderful memories of him, because then I miss him more. 

 

I pushed my plate forward, knife and fork clattering against it. Realizing that everyone still had plenty of food left, I say, “Sorry, I didn’t realize how hungry I was.” Everyone sort of acknowledged me, and kept eating, then I said, “I’m really happy for you guys, really.”

 

Robb looked up at me, eyes wide, “Thanks, brother.”

 

“You’re gonna be an awesome Dad,” I smile.

 

He grins at me, “You think so?”

 

“Oh, yeah.”

 

Margaery swallows a bite, “I know right? He’s gonna be great.”

 

I don’t know why, but I feel like I gotta say something.

 

“Robb, we both know the kind of caliber man our father was.” At the words, his expression tightened, he set his fork down. “I bet you’re scared to death, feeling like you need to live up to that same height. But let me tell you, the weight of those expectations is too great. Dad was great, we know that he didn’t even have to try to be. He just was, and you can be the same way. Don’t feel like you need to be like Dad, you won’t have to try, you just will. He imparted enough on us. You’ll be great.”

 

He smirked, nodding slowly, “Thanks, Jon.”

 

As they finished their food, the conversation turned to lighter subjects. Mostly about them, more about the baby, and family and shit. Until… until Margery said something that almost made me jump. 

 

“Oh… something funny did happen, I heard about the resurgence of Daenerys Targaryen back in town.”

 

I choked on a sip of water, Ygritte patted my back supportively. I hope it didn’t look suspicious at my reaction to hearing her name. 

 

Thankfully, Robb covered for me, “What did you hear, babe?”

 

“She’s been getting in touch with some of the old girls from high school for a reunion of sorts,” Marge explained, my heart picking up its pace. “Get some drinks or something. Of course, I can’t go now. But I think some of the other girls are going.”

 

“You guys went to high school with her?” Ygritte asked.

 

“Yeah, the three of us,” Margaery replied, smiling.

 

I didn’t look at Ygritte, but I felt her gaze on my cheek. I don’t believe I ever mentioned Dany’s name to her ever before. If I had X-ray vision I bet I could see the gears turning in her head. My fist wraps up in the tablecloth under the table, teeth gritting. I can feel that this might fucking blow up in my goddamn face. 

 

Ygritte will definitely ask me about Dany later, I don’t blame her. 

 

“Daenerys… Targaryen?” Ygritte said. “Huh?”

 

“Yeah, Robb and Jon knew her pretty well, I think.”

 

Margaery, I like you a lot, but could you please shut the fuck up? Seven fucking hells. Robb grabs Margaery’s wrist and leans over and whispers in her ear. I hope he’s telling her to fucking be quiet before she gets me in trouble. In all honesty, she hasn’t said much of anything to set off all that many alarms, it’s just that nearly choked at the sound of her name. It also complicates things even more that I was also fucking this same girl less than four hours ago. 

 

I do not need Ygritte catching a whiff of what I’m up to. 

 

“Who is she?” My intended then says. 

 

“Just a girl we knew,” Robb shrugs. “She was nice. We graduated with her, last I heard she went to Oldtown to learn how to be a nurse.”

 

“Oh, so you two didn’t  _ know _ her.”

 

“What’d you mean?” I frown.

 

“Like neither of you dated her or anything,” Ygritte half-laughed, looking back and forth between my brother and me. 

 

“No,” I muttered, shaking my head. “Daenerys was one of the ‘popular’ girls. All the guys flocked to her, I never had a chance.”

 

“Yeah, she wasn’t really a part of our group,” Robb adds. Which wasn’t entirely true, but also not entirely false. Dany did linger around us some of our senior year, but prior to that not much. She always had her own friends. Mainly the foreign exchange student, Missandei, whom I really didn’t get to know all that well. Theon really wanted to bang her though, I don’t think he ever got within a stone’s throw. 

 

“Oh, okay.” Ygritte sighs, I hope in relief. 

 

Thankfully I was able to change the subject off of Dany. We hung around for a little while longer before it was time to go. The four of us walked together outside. I learned that Ygritte took a cab, which means we’ll need to ride together. Which could be an issue. 

 

Ygritte and Marge talk by the road, while Robb pulls me aside near the stone wall of the building. 

 

“Jon,” he whispers. “I just covered for you again.”

 

“What do you want me to say?” I snap back. “Thanks, I guess.”

 

Robb sighed, looking over to our girls, “Ygritte is going to be up your ass about this, dude.”

 

“You think I don’t know that? She smells something is off. I gotta deflect it somehow.” This hearing of Dany has only made everything worse. There’s also the part about me being an hour late to dinner for no apparent reason. Fuck, I even told her that I was ‘going to see a friend’ before I left. Holy shit, if she thinks I went to see Dany I am so fucked, like royally fucked, no escape, no talking my way out of it. 

 

Fuck, I’ll just have to lie to her again. 

 

“You gotta face the music eventually, brother,” Robb frowns. 

 

“I know, I know… I got a feeling it’s gonna get ugly soon.”

 

“You’re goddamn right it is.” Robb nods. “I’m worried about you.”

 

“Don’t be, I’ll figure it out somehow.”

 

I say that, but in reality, I have no idea what I’m gonna do. An insurmountable mountain resides before me, and I forgot my climbing spikes. A miss-step could send me backward, or worse falling to my end. 

 

What really worries me is that I don’t feel dirty. I’ve finally come to the reality of my choices, and the potential repercussions of my actions. I don’t feel ashamed. Though I’m terrified of what might happen.

 

Is this who I am now? Numb to shit like this, I feel nothing. No remorse. I  _ cheated  _ on Ygritte and I feel nothing. I did it and I think I’d do it again. That’s crazy for me to think. 

 

If I get caught, I’ll truly be sorry because I was. Not because I did it. Gods, I’m a crazy person now. If I looked in the mirror would I like what I see? What are the consequences of receiving your heart’s desires? Right now it seems like my whole life unraveling, and losing all those closest to me. 

 

I’m at ends with Robb, my fiancé is suspicious of me. What will I get in return? Dany? Despite all this, I might lose her too. 

 

I gotta figure my shit out before it all falls to pieces. 

 

Robb clasps my shoulder, and smiles, “I hope you do, Jon.”

 

“Me too.”

 

Then he pulled me into a hug, we embraced each other. Not like a three-pat on the back bro hug, like a real hug. I wanted to cry, finally feeling my walls break down, the hopelessness coming unglued. But also realizing my brother is my rock, and he’s got my back. 

 

He whispers in my ear, “Whether you know it or not,  _ I do love you, Jon. I’d do anything for you.”  _ I release a sigh of relief, hugging him tighter, tears coming. “I’ll always be there for you. No matter what, I’ve got you. I’ve got your back. Your my brother and I love you, I’ll always love you.”

 

“Ah…” I exhale, letting go of him, wiping my eyes. “I know, Robb. Thanks, I needed that.” I’d be nowhere without my brother, he’s my best friend. Other friends come and go, brothers are always there.

 

Robb smiles at me as the girls come over. Apparently having seen the scene with us, Ygritte rubs my back, saying, “You okay, Babe?”

 

“Yeah,” I smirked. “Robb was just telling me something I needed to hear.”

 

Alright, even if it all goes to shit I’ll still have Robb. 

 

And that means something. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This whole chapter is about Jon coming to terms with what he did. He does, and he's afraid. He doesn't regret 'doing' it because it's something he's long desired. Yet, at the same time, the act may cost him everything. I can answer any questions you have in a comment.
> 
> In other news, in the time span between the last chapter, I was able to pretty much finalize my outline. I've decided that I think can finish this up in about 11 chapters. All the main events are mapped out now, which I didn't have before. I've come up with the full ending, and lemme tell ya, whoooo. It's pretty insane. I know a lot of you want a 'happy' ending, and I can't necessarily promise one. It is... well I'm not gonna get into it. You'll see. I'll tell you that it's pretty much what you want. But also I have to be real about all this, there's consequences y'all. 
> 
> No clue when I'll update again, just to be upfront. I'm not trying to lie to y'all. I don't know when, it all depends on what's flowing. I could write a chapter of this in two days, or two weeks, or two months. Probably not two months.
> 
> Please do leave a comment, it really does help me out. 
> 
> Tell your friends.


	6. Truth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jon considers his situation.
> 
> Ygritte prods.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, I'm so sorry about the wait. I've just been swamped with all my projects and on top of that, I couldn't even write that much. A strong case of writer's block for sure, I'm just about through it now though, thank the Lord. 
> 
> All that being said I love this chapter. It took me a long time to put together but it's ready for you now.

Thankfully, Ygritte didn’t start throwing questions at me immediately. So I had some time to think. Though that didn’t mean I could come up with anything. 

 

“Where were you?” She simply asked. 

 

To which I plainly replied, keeping my eyes on the road, “Out.”

 

“If you think that answer satisfied my question I’m gonna have to hit you.”

 

I looked at her then, “Don’t hit me again.” When I turned my head back, she still stared at me. I could see her frown out of the corner of my eye. 

 

She repeats the question, “Where were you?”

 

By now I’m white-knuckling the steering wheel, gritting my teeth, I really don’t like being interrogated. 

 

“What do you want from me, Ygritte?”

 

“I want you to tell me where you were. Is that so hard? You were an hour late.”

 

Ah… we have arrived at the expected impasse, the fork in the goddamn road. Lie or tell the  _ truth _ , two choices, two unknown results, I fucking hate this. It’s really fucking ironic though, because the  _ truth _ will destroy us, and a lie will only delay the inevitable destruction. Because she will find out eventually, right? 

 

Even if I wanted to lie, I can’t think of a feasible one. A lie that she’ll believe. I’ve really put myself into a box without any damn air holes. I’ve become quite adept at fucking up lately. 

 

Damn… what the fuck am I gonna do?

 

“Jon, can you just talk to me  _ please _ ?” I heard some heavy emotion in her voice.

 

I sighed, “Fuck, Ygritte. I’m…” My mouth failed to produce any words, I just tried to focus on not crashing my car.

 

“Jon,” she says, softly. Laying her hand on my arm, making my body loosen. “Is something wrong?”

 

I frowned, desperately searching for the right words. Nothing was forthcoming, my body tightened back up. I clenched my teeth so fucking hard I mighta busted a filling. 

 

Goddamn it, what the fuck am I supposed to do about this?

 

“You said you were going to see a friend,” Ygritte said, taking her hand away, deciding to cross her arms. 

 

Oh yeah, I sure did. 

 

Why don’t you just go ahead and cuff me now, Officer? I confess. 

 

My hand is so far down the goddamn cookie jar. I can’t seem to wash the red off my hands. The consequences of my actions are really starting to hang over me now. I can feel it looming over my head. At this point, I don’t feel like there are any favorable outcomes. Can there be really? I need to come to terms with that. Given my trespasses, I may need to take the beating and just try to repair things. 

 

But I don’t know if even the best repairman on the fucking planet could fix this mess. 

 

Well… if you think about it like that… fuck it. ‘Cause what’s to be done, really? I’ve taken a jackhammer to my relationship with Ygritte. Kinda. I mean she doesn’t know shit, she’s just suspicious as fuck right now. I could probably keep fucking Dany behind her back if really wanted to. 

 

I could. I really could. It’d be easy, Ygritte is pretty gullible. 

 

But I’d lie and lie and lie… and lie, over and over again until the truth stopped meaning anything with the lies only growing better and better. 

 

Am I okay with that? Lying so much it becomes a routine, like second nature to me. It hasn’t ever been in the past, whenever I would tell a fib I’d feel funny afterward. But it’s weird because the lie would just come out without me even really thinking about it back in my teenage years at least. I haven’t really had any need to lie until lately. 

 

The thing about lying is that it really only makes the fuse a bit longer, the bomb is gonna go off eventually. The lies always catch up to you, the good ones especially, sometimes the tiny white lies are passable. But those times when someone is truly deceived by another, and the truth has its day… Man, that’s what I feel like now. 

 

Words are a liar’s tool, their weapon. Their tongue is like a whip, reaving destruction in their wake. Words have power, sometimes dealing with life and death. 

 

Dad used to always talk about positive confession,  _ ‘Speak what you want, Jon.’  _ I didn’t really know what that really meant, not like I believed what he was saying anyway. But suddenly, now, I get it. Sitting here in the car with Ygritte, listening to her batter me with questions I don’t have answers for. I realize all I’ve been saying is that I’m fucked and I have no way out of this. With that mindset, of course, I’m stuck, how could I think of a good solution if all I’m thinking about is how bad I’ve fucked everything up? 

 

Before I can really get to it though, I need to decide what I want. What is the most favorable outcome? Well, I sure don’t want to lose them both. Losing Dany again would kill me and losing Ygritte could mean the actual end of me.

 

I need a way to fix this. The bottom line is I want to have something after it all blows up. I know now that it’s going to explode.

 

I feel like a rookie bomb defuser for crying out loud, I mean shit. Is it the red wire or blue wire? The fucking guy talking to me in my earpiece doesn’t know shit either. So here I am staring at a bomb rigged to blow, but I don’t know when. All I can do is try to get as far away as possible and save as many people as I can. There’s no point in exacerbating the process either, pooling or prodding the damn thing won’t help. I don’t want it to go off early. It’s better that it explodes when it’s good and ready, I just hope I’ll be in cover. 

 

So, best to give Ygritte to chew on before she fucking goes for my neck. 

 

“I did,” I say. “I did go see a friend.”

 

“Who?”

 

“You probably already know.”

 

She answered immediately, “Daenerys Targaryen.” I didn’t reply right away, which I guess confirmed it for her. “I knew it. What happened?”

 

I tried to seem nonchalant. Shrugging, “I heard she was in town, I hadn’t seen her in a long time. Thought it’d be cool to catch up over some coffee,” I locked up at her narrowed gaze when I glanced at her. “Okay? That’s where I was.”

 

I hoped a section of the truth would be enough to satisfy her. Though feeling the truth flutter off my tongue did feel good. Like a weight laying off my shoulders, breathing a little bit easier. I even exhaled a heavy breath. 

 

She smirked, “Why didn’t you just say that?”

 

Well, it’s almost sickening that she believe me so easily. It’s not surprising though because to her knowledge I’ve never lied to her that much before so she’d never expect that. 

 

“Hey, can we watch the next episode when we get home?” She adds with sudden excitement. “I’ve been waiting all day for you.”

 

I laugh, “Sure, Babe.”

 

She smiled, scooting closer to me. The noise of her unbuckling her seatbelt hit my ears with a frown. I cocked my head to the side as her arms wrapped around me. She’s leaning over the console. 

 

I don’t make any moves to stop her so she proceeded. It’s fine, In fact, comfortable. 

 

But then her right-hand chases down my chest down to the crotch. She takes my cock and balls in her palm through my jeans. 

 

“Seven hells, Ygritte,” I gasped, totally taken off guard. “What are you doing?”

 

She brings her head up to kiss my neck, then she whispers, “Wait and see.”

 

“You’re making it hard to drive,” I reply, holding on tight to the steering wheel with both hands. Thankfully there’s not a lot of traffic being as it’s late at night. But I could still drive off the road and crash into something. 

 

Then she works on undoing my belt. 

 

“Are you serious?” I laugh, “Right now, I’m driving for fuck sakes.”

 

“Are you seriously complaining? Just shut up and drive,” Ygritte scoffed. In another couple seconds, she’s got my hardening cock out in the open. Her hands did feel fucking fantastic stroking me. In response I raked my hand through her hair, taking a fistful. She growled, looking up at me with lustful eyes. Not a second later she took me into her mouth. 

 

“ _ Fuck, _ ” I huffed, gritting my teeth. She sucked hard, bobbing up a down, driving me crazy. Her tongue grazing over the tip of my cock, then she picked up the pace.

 

This is wild. 

 

She’s never done anything like this before. It’s exciting.

 

Wow, my dick is getting a lot of action today. Had a lot of pussy, now to top it off a blowjob. I haven’t had this much sex in my life. Certainly not jizzed this much since high school, but that wasn’t female assisted. No… that was me. Being as though at that time I hadn’t been in since the doctor pulled me from my mother’s womb. 

 

Now I’m just driving slow, taking the turn onto our street, taking care not to go off the road. Fitting as though I pulled into the parking lot I also reached my end. My hot seed hit my Fiancé in the back of her throat, I bucked into her mouth. She groaned, hands grabbing me by the head, rubbing her hands through my beard. 

 

She continued to suck my dick, sucking the cum off me. 

 

“Where did that come from?” I gasped again, breathing hard. 

 

Her head came up, jizz dripping from her lips. Quite the sight, I’d say. She cupped my face, staring me in the eyes, and she said, “Don’t ever lie to me again. Don’t ever leave me again, don’t betray me.”

 

“What?”

 

She patted my cheek before she climbed over me out of the car. My mouth hanging open, watching her open the door. Hearing her embrace Ghost as the door closed. 

 

I sat there for a while, with my now flaccid dick exposed. 

 

_ Does she know? _

 

_ Does she know the truth? _

<><><><><>  
  


I lived for the next few days in horror. Days turned into weeks, two, to be exact. I went about my regular business, going back and forth to class, along with my daily routine. Ygritte made no change to her regular attitude or anything. I mean how do you suck my dick like that then not saying anything to me. Or better yet reference the fact that you insinuate that I lied to you. She assumed something at the very least. 

 

I mean like what the fuck? She just prances around like she always does. Talking and acting exactly the same, like she didn’t even look fazed. 

 

It seemed as if nothing had changed but I knew better. 

 

She’s letting me fester. Left wondering what I think she does or doesn’t know. Expect I’m pretty confident she’s fucking with me for some reason. Trying to see if I’ll call her bluff.

 

Ygritte doesn’t know shit, because I haven’t given away anything. Nothing concrete at least, perhaps she suspects but she has no ground to stand on. 

 

After deciding that I tried to appear more confident but it didn’t work. Her regular attitude wigged me out. 

 

Saying shit like: 

 

“What are you feeling like for dinner?”

 

“I’m bored, wanna watch some TV?”

 

Or:

 

“Jon, how do you feel about changing up our diet? A lot of the girls at work are starting to fast a lot now.”

 

Gosh… it’s driving me insane. 

 

Dany had been texting me and I had been replying every-so-often to keep up appearances. She’d been asking about when we should see each other next. The idea interested me of course, but I didn’t know what to do. What am I supposed to say to Ygritte?

 

“Hey, that girl you think I’m fucking? Well, I’m going to see her now. Bye!”

 

Yeah, that’d go over fucking fantastic for fuck sakes. It’s all so fucked up. 

 

I went on like that for a while, for a few days at least. I didn’t truly consider seeing Dany until it felt safe it had blown over with Ygritte. I’m still not positive but I need to get out of the house. She’s driving me crazy, I also need to see Dany too, for physical and also important reasons. 

 

She needs to know the truth. Best I can figure it’ll be better if she knows the bomb will explode before it does. These developments with Ygritte make me think it’s reaching Defcon 1. 

 

I feel as though she could bear down on me any second. 

<><><><><><>  
  


I sat on the couch, contemplating my current situation. Watching one of those shows on TV about home renovation, I kinda hate it but I hate to know if the new carpet in the master bedroom will come under budget. 

 

Ghost lays next to me, with his head in my lap. My hand runs through his thick fur as I often do. My feet are crossed, sitting on the coffee table in front of me. 

 

Ygritte fucking around with something in our room. She told me what but I wasn’t listening. She’s still acting weird so I’m returning the favor. Especially yesterday, she was fucking acting ridiculous yesterday. Like staring at me all the damn time, like she was expecting something. By the end of the day, she was just flat pissed at me for some reason.

 

I’ve gotten a few texts from Dany, she wanted to catch some dinner at this diner she likes. I’d tentatively agreed. It’s been some time since I last saw her and my body aches for her again. The pull is too much sometimes. She feels like a drug I’m hooked on, a drug with the best high ever. 

 

Of course, seeing Dany again brings up the decision of whether or not to tell her the truth. I tend to lean towards telling her but… I’m still hesitant. I don’t want to push her away. I honestly don’t know what her reaction will be. It could be nuclear to nonchalant, best I can gather. 

 

I’m not excited about it, to say the least.

 

I feel the presence of Ygritte stepping out of our room behind me. Instead of regarding her I keep my eyes on the TV. The redecorator woman is arguing with this dude about why he can't have a fucking fireplace in his basement. In my periphery I see Ygritte go into the kitchen. It’s hard not to look, I want to, but I don’t. Ghost stands up next to me, his red eyes shoot over in Ygritte’s direction. His whimpers in my ear don’t help. 

 

After that, the room deafens, only the noise of the TV, Ghost hops off the couch. I don’t watch where he goes but I don’t have to. He went to Ygritte. Since I’ve been with her, Ghost has been somewhat smitten with her, much to my dismay. He, of course, sticks to my side a lot, but he certainly very much likes Ygritte. 

 

We’ve got a cut-out in the wall peering into the kitchen with a bar, a couple of tall chairs for seating there. Anyway, so Ygritte’s glaring at me. I’m not looking at her but I feel her gaze. I’m just trying to appear really interested in this stupid fucking show. 

 

“I hate that show,” Ygritte says. 

 

“Me too.”

 

“Why are you watching it then?”

 

“I have to know if the shag carpet for the kid’s room is within the budget,” I say, more monotone than I intended. 

 

She scoffed and came out of the kitchen, I hear the jingling of Ghost’s collar after her. In another couple seconds, Ygritte comes over and knocked my feet off the coffee table. Then she sits on it, blocking my view. 

 

I shake my head, keeping my head down, “Something wrong?” 

 

“Yeah, something is.”

 

“What?”

 

“You.”

 

“Pardon?” I snort, finally looking at her. 

 

“You heard me.”

 

“You wanna elaborate a bit?”

 

“Something’s off with you.”

 

“Me?” I scoffed, putting my hands on my chest. Then I point at her, “What about you? You’ve been acting strangely for days.”

 

She crossed her arms over her chest, scowling, “How can you say that to me?”

 

“It’s not a lie,” I reply. “You’ve been acting weird ever since you sucked my dick down.”

 

Ygritte half-laughed, continuing her scowl, “You’re impossible.”

 

I’m suddenly growing even hungrier for Daenerys, instead of sitting here with fucking Ygritte. “Goddamn it,” I huffed. “Why you gotta make it so hard on me all the time?”

 

“Can you blame me?” she said, holding her hands up. “With you dancing around here like you’re trying to get away with murder? I’m not an idiot, Jon. You’re hiding something from me.”

 

“I honestly have no idea what you’re talking about,” I reply, looking away from her.

 

“Honestly?” she mutters. “I… I can’t believe this. Who are you?”

 

My head snaps back to her, “What?”

 

“You’re lying. Where is this coming from?”

 

Oh… shit. What is she doing? She’s more perceptive than I realized, maybe she can see through my lies. Am I that obvious? What the fuck? Okay so I was totally wrong, she wasn’t bluffing. 

 

Red Alert. Red Alert. Red Alert.

 

Sound the goddamn sirens.

 

My mouth hangs open, just staring at her. She continues, “I’ve never been suspicious of you until recently. You’ve never done anything to make me curious about what you’re doing. Now… Now I’m just scared.” She hand snakes down over her belly, holding it there. A few seconds later her other hand reaches around and hugs herself, almost affectionately.

 

Strange.

 

“Scared?” I whisper. “Of what?”

 

Ygritte pouted, face softening, “You.”

 

“Why?” I gasped, eyes widening.

 

“You’re not the same person I met all those years ago,” she shakes her head slowly, glaring at me. She hugs herself tighter, “Now I’m just scared of what’s to come.”

 

“Now you’re the one acting crazy, not me,” I scoffed, waving my finger at her. 

 

“Do you know what yesterday was?” she whispered to me, plainly, a hint of malice in her tone.

 

Startled, I retreated back into the couch. Yesterday? It was Tuesday. It was a regular day, I went to class, came home, took Ghost on a walk. There wasn’t anything special about yesterday. Right?

 

I… I forgot something, didn’t I?

 

She pulls a face, waiting for me to say something, when I don’t she speaks, “Our Anniversary, Jon. Our goddamn Anniversary!”

 

Oh… fuck. She’s right.

 

“You forgot!” she yells. “I waited around all day, waiting for some kind of surprise or… something! It was your turn anyway… What’s weird is you’ve never forgotten before, never. It was our five year anniversary. You hadn’t forgotten our last three or even two or six month anniversaries. Something else was on your mind.”

 

Oh man, I fucked up. Since our second year together, we decided that on every annual anniversary one of us would surprise the other with some big grand gesture. Last year she surprised me with plane tickets to Dorne for a week. I’d always wanted to go. It was fucking awesome, I got so fucking sunburned but I didn’t care. For the next following weeks, I wasn’t pale as the goddamn moon. 

 

The year before that I took her back North where we’re from. There’s this trip you can take beyond the wall, with a group of couples. She loved it, of course, I didn’t really but I did it for her. 

 

I’d completely forgotten this year. I mean I’d thought about it sometime during the year, but not for a few months. I wanted to just go on a picnic, with Ghost. A more relaxed outing, I had this whole thing planned out though. I’d get a dude to fly a plane across the sky with a banner saying some sweet stuff. Some words I’d decided on but can’t remember now. I guess it just didn’t cross my mind with us getting engaged and all, oh and all this shit I’ve been getting into. 

 

What a shithead I am.

 

I hear her sniffle, bringing my attention back to her, watching the tears flow down her face. Ghost pads over and lays his head in her lap. She scratches his head for comfort. “I was gonna say something,” she pinches her eyes closed. “But I was too angry to speak… that’d you forgotten.”

 

“I don’t know what to say, Ygritte,” I finally said. “I’m so sorry.”

 

“Don’t say anything, I’ve heard enough, just listen,” she scowled. “After I’m done I’ll be really curious to hear you talk.”

 

“Okay,” I replied.

 

“Then I got to thinking,” she began, taking a deep breath. “Remembering how fucking strange you’ve been acting. It all started when you came home that night…”

 

Seven hells… I’m fucked.

 

“Supposedly out all night drinking with Robb,” she sighed. “At the moment I didn’t think anything of it because I was just so happy you were home. I was so worried. But I’ve thought about it… and I don’t remember you being drunk. You didn’t seem drunk, certainly weren’t hungover in the morning. All I can remember about it was you… smelling different. Like a sweet smell… like a field of honeycombs or something, doused in perfume. I checked my own favors and I don’t have any smells like that. So it came from somewhere else. I even asked about at the time I think, but I was too tired to think anything of it. So I forgot about it, truly I did. Until we went to dinner with Robb and Marge. I knew then I wasn’t hallucinating because I smelled it again… all over you.”

 

“Ygritte… I--”

 

“Shut up,” she cut in. “Just shut up. I’m not finished…” She composed herself before speaking again, “Still… I thought I was crazy. Then I undid your pants… The same fucking smell was all over your cock. She must spray the fucking shit all up in her cunt or something. Or maybe it’s just the scent of her pussy. I still blew you to keep up appearances. Didn’t want to tip you off, but I was so angry I accused you right then and there. Even now,” she opened her mouth and rolled her tongue around. “I washed my mouth out a hundred times, sometimes I still taste it. I fucking hate honey now.”

 

I closed my eyes and shook my head, hoping this was all some fucked up dream. The damn fuse was a whole lot shorter than I originally imagined. She’s so right too, Dany’s always had the honey smell. It’s like her whole body is basted in it. 

 

“Now you talk,” Ygritte muttered, crying again. “I want to hear the fucking  _ truth.  _ Please… tell me I’m crazy, tell me this is all in my head.”

 

I opened my eyes but didn’t look at her at first. She sunk to my level grabbing me by the shoulders forcing me to regard her. Moving her hands to cup my face, “Tell me. Tell me the  _ truth.” _

 

Ah… the truth. A word many times found synonymous with freedom, when right now it just seems like the opposite, bondage. Yet, in a way, it could bring me freedom from my intended and the girl of my dreams… so. Normally freedom is a good thing. I want freedom from this situation for sure. 

 

God… I’m so fucked.

 

Ygritte expects some words to come out of my mouth but they don’t. She growls, “Jon, tell me the  _ truth.” _

 

“The truth?” I mutter under my breath. 

 

Eye widen as far as they can go, “Yes!” Gripping me by the arms now, shaking me. “Tell me I’m crazy, Jon. Please.”

 

Okay, so what the fuck am I gonna do about this? Am I really about to tell her that I’m fucking Dany right now? Is that what I’m about to do? Seven fucking hells, look at me now. 

 

Motherfuckering Son of a bitch. Cocksucker. 

 

Think Jon, think… what are you gonna do? Think fast. Alright, alright, if I tell her the truth what is she gonna do? Best guess is she freaks the fuck out, doesn’t take a goddamn detective to figure that out. What’s she gonna do though? I’d say reach for the bow and arrow in the closet in our bedroom or outright scream and cry. 

 

Well, I think I’d like to avoid both of those events. But how? Course I could lie to her again. Would she even believe me? She seems convinced I’m cheating. I shouldn’t be all that surprised really, Ygritte is smarter than I gave her credit for. That’s my own fault. 

 

At this point, I can only really see one option. 

 

I gotta lie again. Even if there’s a chance she’ll call me out, anything’s better than her finding out.

 

There’s no other way. I can’t tell her she’s right, there’s no telling what will happen then. She could actually chase me and shoot at me with arrows. I wouldn’t be surprised at all. 

 

The sound of Ghost’s whimpers brings me back to earth. I put my hand on his head to calm him. Then I look back up at Ygritte, still staring angrily at me. 

 

I shrug and say, “You’re crazy.”

 

She chokes, and rocks back, “What?”

 

“You’re crazy, Ygritte. What are you even talking about?”

 

“Are you fucking serious right now? You’re fucking denying it?”

 

“Well… yeah.”

 

I’m really trying to be nonchalant, and I can’t tell if I actually am.

 

She rises to her feet, suddenly towering over me, “Then what’s your explanation then?”

 

Smirking, I stand as well. “Explanation?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

Then I walk past her, heading towards the kitchen. I feel her hot on my heels. She stopped by the entryway as I went into the kitchen. I searched somewhat frantically for the white bread and peanut butter. No matter how many cabinets I looked through I didn’t see anything that looked like bread or peanut butter. 

 

“What the hell are you doing?” Ygritte growled out from behind me. “I asked you a question.”

 

“I’m hungry.”

 

She groaned, entering in behind me. Before I knew she pushed me against the fridge. Doing her best to hold me there but of course, I could push her off in one fell swoop. For the moment, I stayed where I was. I watched her teeth grind together, “Stop avoiding the question and start talking.”

 

“I told you already.”

 

“What so I’m crazy?”

 

“I wouldn’t go that far. But yeah you were reading into it a bit too far. Who do you think I am? You think I’m… capable of… cheating?” Those words were harder to get out than I originally considered. 

 

I’ll never get used to lying. 

 

“No… I don’t. Or at least I didn’t think you were. But after all this shit you’ve been doing, acting weird, and I swear I remember that fucking smell! It was on your dick, and all over you that night you came home.”

 

Think quick, Jon. I’m really not sure what she’s talking about. But Dany does smell sweet, every time I’ve seen her. It’s possible that some of her perfume stuck to me. Considering how close we got to each other, and all that… friction. But my dick? I suppose her pussy has a smell. What? What the fuck am I even talking about? Did I have a stank dick? I mean it wasn’t a dirty smell, but it just smelled like pussy? 

 

Fuck. Yeah, now I remember Theon talking about his main bitch smelling his side girl’s pussy on his dick. 

 

“Well… I don’t know about my dick… Maybe that was something you ate, but what you smelled was probably that shit Robb gave to me.”

 

“What?”

 

“Since we’d been out drinking all night he gave me some mouth spray to douse the alcohol scent in my breath. He used it too and I kinda got pissed he hadn’t told me about it before. Then at dinner, he brought me outside. He had it in it his pocket, the spray I mean.” I took a couple of seconds to breathe. “I felt like I needed it and he let me have it.”

 

I have no fucking idea if Robb actually has mouth spray. It’s the best I could come up with on the spot. I hate involving him again though it’s all I got. I don’t know if she’ll buy it but it’s all I got to sell. I hope she can forget about my stank dick somehow. I’ve got nothing for that. 

 

She stared at me all the while, then her expression softened. Backing up all the way until she hit the counter opposite me. Breathing heavy, she held her belly again this time kinda like she had a stomach ache. 

 

“Oh, thank the Gods,” she sighed in relief.

 

Am I that good of a liar? I don’t feel like I am. I was spitballing at best. 

 

She covered her mouth, still staring at me. “Oh…”

 

“Ygritte?”

 

Then she came over and cupped my face, “That’s so good to hear, I’m so glad… I’m so sorry I accused you, Jon. I shouldn’t have done that. It’s probably just some early-onset side effect of my condition right now.”

 

She keeps talking but I closed my eyes. I feel sick all of a sudden. What did I just do? I escaped her wrath but for how long? I’m just lengthening the fucking fuse again. This is about self-preservation… at what cost? My humanity? I’m not a liar… at least I don’t think I am.

 

At this juncture, I’ve just got to decide what bridge to burn. Because I can’t keep living in the middle. I can’t exist in this goddamn purgatory. Thankfully, I finally feel like I can decide. After all this shit with Ygritte, I can unequivocally say exactly what I want. It’s like the fog has finally motherfucking cleared. 

 

I know what I want. It’s…

 

“I’m so relieved,” Ygritte speaks, breaking my line of thought. “I feel so much better now. I was so worried. It could’ve gotten so bad if you’d been cheating.” She smiles then, my eyes widening. “Because I had just found out and then I’d had all these suspicions of you. I didn’t know what I was going to have to do.” Slowly, she takes one of her hands and forces it to rest against a small swell of her belly.

 

What. The. Fuck?

 

My head shoots down to her stomach, then up to her face. 

 

“Are you serious?” I gasp, totally surprised.

 

“ _ I’m Pregnant.” _

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HEY.
> 
> So yeah. Ygritte's got a baby in her.
> 
> If you're confused about the timeline lemme break it down for you. The first five chapters took place over the course of a few days. The beginning of this one is them leaving the restaurant, and then there's a time skip for the last bit. About two weeks or so, I did that so it could be realistic for Ygritte to be pregnant. It takes about that time for a woman to take a pregnancy test and it comes up positive. Two weeks from conception, that time they fucked on the countertop. 
> 
> This does throw a huge hatchet into the mix as I'm sure you can guess. The situation gets more and more fucked up. 
> 
> If you're worried about a 'happy ending' don't be. I've already written the last few paragraphs and lemme tell you it's quite... something. That being said this has to make sense. There's a natural conclusion to this situation. Jon has done fucked up and there will be consequences.
> 
> If Jon is bothering you with thought process and decisions... think about it this way. Try to put yourself in his shoes if you can. What would you do? Despite his decisions being somewhat 'surprising' or 'opposite' to what you might think your envisionment of Jon is. I've tried to make him human. No one is that perfect and honorable like most of his character is in the show. Not in the real world, at least, so he's scared shitless so he's making scared shitless decisions. 
> 
> Anyhoo, I'll see you when I see you. Please do leave a comment, I very much enjoy reading them and I will reply to questions.
> 
> Also just because this was a mostly Jon/Ygritte chapter doesn't mean it will end that way. Jeez. If you've been paying attention you'll see this is Jonerys story. Dany will be back next time.
> 
> Tell your friends.


	7. Clean

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jon does a thing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ugh.
> 
> Yo it's been a minute, some of you guys kinda pissed me off last time. 
> 
> SO, yeah.
> 
> Here's a chapter tho.

Well, firstly I had totally dismissed it from my mind. I had told her to take a pill or something.

 

I guess she didn’t. 

 

I surely didn’t expect her to say that. 

 

It took all my strength not to run away right at that moment. Basically what I ended up doing was trying to act excited. I mean… I kinda was. But really more stunned than anything. I wanted to yell at her for not telling me. I’d think that this sort of thing should’ve been shared with me. Sure as fuck normally is, I fucking bet Robb and Margaery had decided together. Who the fuck does she think she is? Springing this shit on me, get the fuck out of here. Once I began to consider what she’d done, I got fucking pissed. 

 

I did my best to conceal it. I’d just got her off my back, I didn’t want her on me again. What came next was me just existing, I didn’t really know how to act or what to think. I was angry Ygritte did all this to me, I deserved to know much earlier. Normally, I would’ve just worn a goddamn rubber but that was a hasty fuck and I... Shit. I don’t know. I just don’t know anything anymore. I don’t know what to do. My first thought was to call Robb but I decided against that. Essentially because I felt like I needed to come to my own conclusion about all this. Him muddling his thoughts with mine won’t help.

 

I can’t even bring myself to be that excited about it. It should be an ‘exciting’ thing, but in the context of the situation, it sure as fuck ain’t. I don’t need a kid right now. I don’t want a kid right now, and that’s what I woulda told her ass if she’d asked me instead of just not taking her goddamn birth control like a good girl. I mean for fucks sakes, what a fucking dick move, how am I supposed to happy about this?

 

So I’m just angry, fucking pissed at Ygritte for being such a bitch. Making a decision like this all by her lonesome is fucking bullshit and I wanna fucking scream. How the fuck does something like this? It’s goddamn selfish. 

 

Fuck me.

 

Thankfully, a distraction appeared suddenly. Robb wants to get the boys together for a few drinks to talk about the baby. I couldn’t have replied quicker I don’t think. 

 

Many of our friends were still back home. Pyp didn’t wanna go to college. That redhead Ros said in the North too, I think she’s a hooker now. 

 

But Sam, Theon, and Grenn are coming though. 

 

Our laughter filled the room despite the throngs of people in it. Robb slapped me on the back, laughing so hard his face was turning red. Theon slid down in the booth, mouth wide open. Sam was trying to remember how to breathe. My side hurt so bad, but I didn’t give a damn. 

 

Theon told a story about how some girl’s mom came in while he was balls deep. As the mom fainted, and the girl started freaking out, Theon just wanted to finish. I hadn’t heard this one before. 

 

“This bitch was freaking out,” Theon grinned. “I slapped her on the ass and said, ‘Come on, baby, Just gimme a second.’”

 

“Stop, please,” Sam begged, trying to get some air. 

 

Theon was always the hound dog of the group. He’d tell a girl whatever he needed to get into her pants. ‘Oh, baby, you know I love you’, was his go-to. 

 

I wet my whistle with this stale beer before me in a desperate attempt to stop laughing. Thankfully, Theon stopped talking about his escapades. 

 

“Thanks for this guys,” I said, setting my glass down. “I really needed it.” My eyes didn’t meet them though, staying on the table. Robb’s stern gaze burned my cheek, being the only one clued in. 

 

Samwell, one of my closest friends, spoke up, “What’d you mean, Jon? Is something wrong?”

 

“Ah… Sort of,” I said, pursing my lips nervously. “It’s hard to explain.”

 

“Please,” Theon scoffed, lifting his glass to his lips. 

 

“Just got a lot going on right now, it feels good to unwind a bit,” I uttered, quieter than I had intended. 

 

Sam seemed like that piqued his interest, “Like What?”

 

“Sam,” I huffed, pinching the bridge of my nose. “I’d really rather not talk about it, that’s kinda the point.”

 

Robb laughed, “Yeah, let’s not linger on the drearier things right now.”

 

“Alright,” Theon smirked, sitting forward. “Robb, tell us the story about the cold shower.”

 

“What? You wanna hear that again?” Robb frowned, shaking his head. 

 

“What was that one about again?” Sam asked, raising his hand. 

 

I scratched my forehead, trying to remember this one. “I don’t think I remember this one,” I added. 

 

“The about the girl and the cold shower,” Theon said hitting his fist the table excitedly. 

 

“Oh, shit, yeah,” I gasped, hanging my mouth open. Then I pushed Robb on the shoulder, “Lemme hear it again.”

 

“Nah, guys,” Robb said holding his hands up like he’s being accused of something. Then glancing around the crowded room, wanting to know if Marge was watching probably. 

 

“Oh come on,” Theon whined. “It’s a good one.”

 

I nudged my brother as well, “Yeah, come on.”

 

“Alright, fine,” Robb said, holding his hands up in defeat. “So, my whole I’ve been taking cold showers, right? I have to because hot showers make me sweat.”

 

“Yeah, I’m the same way,” I agreed, resting my chin in my hand on the table. 

 

“You Starks are so weird,” Theon raised an eyebrow at us. 

 

“Anyway,” Robb continues. “So in high school, I was dating this girl. I forget her name - Oh, Talisa, her name was Talisa. So we’d been dating for a few months and she was over at our house. I’d just got back from football practice and she was in cheerleading and gymnastics, so she was around. Y’know that girl that gets thrown into the air? That was her, and she even did that event when you jump over that long bar. Okay, so, We’re in my room and I tell her I want to take a shower.” Hearing that I already start to laugh to myself, with Theon and Sam having wide grins. “So, we really hadn’t seen each other all day except for in the halls n’ shit, and that doesn’t really count. So.. even though I’m sweaty, she starts to climb me like a tree and of course, I’m giving her some back. But still, I’m like, ‘I really need to take a shower’ because I can’t stand my clothes sticking to me. But she wants to fuck, and I’m not into it at that time. At all. I just wanna rinse off.”

 

“Damn, Robb,” Theon laughs. “I woulda just fucked her.”

 

“Of course you would’ve,” Sam chides in a joking tone. 

 

“So then she gets angry at me, but then she’s like, ‘I’ll take a shower with you’ and I’m not too keen on this idea. Mostly because we have pretty small showers back in the day, and I knew she probably expected a hot shower. Which I hated. So I told her no, and I went into my bathroom. Leaving her by herself in my room, hoping she wouldn’t start searching through my shit. So a few minutes go by, I’m in the shower so cold it makes your nipples rock hard. That’s just how I liked it. Especially when I’m all sweaty.”

 

“I bet you could cut glass with those nips,” Theon slapped the table started to laugh. Making the rest of us join in because that’s pretty fucking funny. 

 

Then Robb continues, “Alright, so I hear the door open, I know it’s her and I know she’s definitely gonna try to get in the shower with me. I hear her clothes hit the floor. Then a few seconds later she draws back the curtain a bit. You know your face when you something’s about to go way bad and you know it. But you kinda wanna see what happens? I was like that, for some reason, almost giddy. Then she pokes her head in and smiles at me, and I just say ‘hey’ or something, and wave, probably with a shit-eating grin on my face. So instead of gingerly stepping in, she rushes in all at once. Now, the stream of water is in front of me, and I’m in the far corner from her. So as soon as she’s in, the water hits her right on her back.” Robb put a hand over his heart and raised a finger to the sky. “Right hand to the Gods, I swear on everything, this girl leaped into the fucking air hit her head in the ceiling, then fell against the shower curtain, she fell onto the floor. Fucking screaming and raising hell all the while, and I’m fucking laughing my ass off. I’d never seen anything like it before.”

 

Sam’s whole body was shaking he was laughing so hard. Theon and I had heard this one a hundred times but it was still funny. 

 

“Then she gets up, holding her head and all wobbly, Y’know? And she’s pissed at me because I’m laughing. And I say, ‘Girl, if you had just waited a few minutes I woulda gave you the dick on my bed’, she was a horny bitch.”

 

Theon got up from the booth, saying, “Imma get us another round.”

 

“You do that,” I said. 

 

As he walked away to talk to the barkeep, Sam leaned forward, peering out into the room. 

 

“Where’s Grenn?” He asked, with a curious frown on his face. 

 

“Late as usual,” Robb says, downing his last sip of beer. 

 

As if on cue, I saw a particularly familiar red-headed male flutter through the door on the far side of the room. Grenn stepped in, looking around for us. In response I just raised my hand for him to see, he found me pretty quickly and started in our direction. 

 

I got up to meet him, laughing, “Speak of the devil, we were just talking about you.”

 

When I extended my hand to him, he laughed and pulled me into a hug, “It’s been a minute, Snow. It’s good to see you.” 

 

We patted each other on the back before letting go. Robb and Sam got up to embrace Grenn before we all sat down again, with Grenn squeezing in next to Sam. Leaving a bit of room for Theon, who in a few minutes later, came back with a tray of shots. Yelling at the top of his lungs, “Shots!”

 

I was a little hesitant to knock back a shot of vodka, but since peer pressure is real, I went along. Everybody took down three except for Robb and I. Two was enough for me, and Robb drove the two of us here so he’s not trying to get smashed. Sam, for a man of his weight, would normally be able to hold his liquor. Not Sam, after the third, he looked a little green. 

 

“So, Grenn, how’s it been?” Robb said. “I haven’t seen ya in a while.”

 

“I’m good,” Grenn smiled. “Really good. I’m a personal trainer now, and I’m doing really well. I got a gym I work at, and they’re good to me.”

 

“That’s great dude,” I told him. 

 

“Oh, I get it,” Theon laughed, elbowing Grenn. “I bet there are tons of hot babes up in that bitch.”

 

Seven hells, Theon is such a whore. He was always such a fucking hound dog. That motherfucker only thinks with fucking dick. I remember he kept on being that guy who’d always point out whose ass looked the best that day. Now that I think about it, that dude once pinched a girl’s ass one day. Nowadays, this guy would get goddamn sued for sexual assault.

 

“Theon, do you ever not think with your cock?” I frowned.

 

“Oh, please, Snow, you’re still jealous you never got as much as I did.”

 

“The fuck does that have to do with right now?”

 

“I’m just saying, even though you got a bitch, you’re still jealous of me. You always have been,” Theon shrugs with a goddamn smug look on his fucking face. I’ve had a lot of times where I wanted to punch Theon in the face. This is another of those times, the only I haven’t slapped the fuck out of him now is because I know he’s tipped.

 

“Watch your mouth, Theon,” I reply with a clenched jaw.

 

“What was that bitches name?” He started. “That bitch you wanted to fuck? Damn… I can’t remember her name.”

 

“Hey, Theon, shut up,” Robb warned him.

 

Then Theon snapped his fingers, “Oh! Yeah, I remember now. Daenerys Targaryen. Shit, that was one hot bitch. You had no chance.”

 

By now my teeth are gritted so hard they hurt, I hope the face I’m sending his way is as threatening as it feels. That fuck. He doesn’t have any fucking clue what he’s talking about. 

 

“Shut your goddamn mouth, Theon,” I growled. Everyone looked at me then, I could feel their gaze. But I just kept my eyes of Theon.

 

“Ooh,” he chuckled. “We’ve struck a nerve. I’m sure you don’t wanna hear about the time behind the school.”

 

Yeah, I really don’t. Even if he started to talk about it, I’m not sure I’d believe it. Theon is one of those people whose words really could be one hundred percent lies. 

 

“You’re such a cunt when you’re drunk,” I shook my head.

 

Theon laughed, “You’re goddamn right.”

 

The tension died down and I sat back, trying to start breathing normally again. But then Theon kept talking, “Yeah… I fucked that bitch so good the whole school heard us. I turned that bitch---”

 

He didn’t finish because reached across the table slapped him straight across the face. Naturally, he started to freak out. We both stepped out from the booth. He was twice as drunk as me, so he stumbled a bit. I held my hands out to him, “Theon, don’t throw a punch at me. You totally deserved that.”

 

“Huh? Why? ‘Cause I got to fuck her and you didn’t?”

 

Everyone in the whole goddamn bar is staring at us.

 

“You’re just pissed because you were a pussy,” he continued, my right fist balled without me asking it. “And I got a piece.”

 

Robb climbed out of the booth next to me, “Shut up and sit back down, Theon.”

 

“Fuck off,” Theon slurred, lurching over, only back up a bit. Then he came at me, getting in my face. “Just admit it, Snow. You’re jealous. I fucked that bitch---”

 

I decked his ass before he could get out another word. My fist hit his face so hard his feet lifted off the floor. He fell to the ground like a falling tree. I might as well as have yelled timber. The fucker collapsed on his face and didn’t move at all, I knew he was out cold. The entire room went silent as I stepped over Theon and headed for the door. 

 

I waited on the sidewalk for my cab. A lit cigarette betwixt my fingers, I took a puff. I’d stopped smoking for Ygritte, ‘cause she hated the smell and the taste of it on my lips. But I fucking love it. I like it? Why can’t I just like it?

 

Besides, I think I’m gonna start doing whatever the fuck I wanna do. Fuck whoever wanna stand in my way.

 

Someone came outside from the bar, I knew it was Robb without turning around. He stood next to me, “Really? Smoking a cig?”

 

“Yeah,” I said, exhaling the smoke.

 

“What the fuck are you doing, Jon?”

 

“I don’t know how to answer that.”

 

“Since when are you smoking again?”

 

“Since right now,” I sucked on the cig again, breathing it out. “I got a pack the other day. It’s been in my pocket for a few days, I decided to pull it out now. Felt like a good time, and I was right.”

 

I guess Robb was speechless because he didn’t say anything in response. My cab pulled up to the curb a few seconds later. I opened the door and stepped halfway in. Taking one last pull before tossing it aside.

 

My brother stared at me, and I simply told him, “Oh, by the way, Ygritte’s pregnant.” Then I ducked in the cab, hearing Robb muffled reaction. He knocked on the window but I told the driver to go so he did.

 

Ugh.

  
<><><><><><>  
  


What followed was me biding my time until I could see Dany again. Eventually, there came an opportunity in which I’d be out anyway and could just go see her before I came home. Even though at this point, I could care less if Ygritte knows or not. She’s got my kid growing in her now though, and I still don’t know what to do about that. There isn’t an easy answer. 

 

One, make her get it taken care of. That’s what most men in my position would probably want but despite that, I’m not one hundred percent on it. The kid is entirely innocent and it’s mine. Not some shmuck from down the street, who raped her or something. That’d be a different story. Really I’m just pissed its Ygritte and not Dany. My mind has become more clear on who I want long term. 

 

Two, marry Ygritte and just have the kid. I’m sort of lukewarm on this option. 

 

Three, call off the marriage because she’s crazy, and have a kid. I probably lean more towards this one because even though Ygritte can be an insane bitch sometimes it’s still my kid. 

 

Even though the kid isn’t born yet, I feel the connection. 

 

Dany and I decided to meet at this diner I know. I’ve been there a whole bunch of times, especially when I was in college. Used to be the best spot to get some food after a concert or something. 

 

I waited for Dany in my usual spot in the diner, a booth by a window. It was just after nine at night, plenty of traffic going by the building. I just feel so dirty right now and I’ve got to offload all this shit. I can’t carry all this on my shoulders anymore. I just hope Dany will understand.

 

She didn’t take long to show up, I saw her coming through the glass on the door. Dany came in wearing a simple black sweater and jeans. Her hair hung down as always, though this time a bit curlier than I remember. She smiled at me and I got up to meet her. I relished the opportunity to hug her once more, taking in her scent. I did hear her sigh into my chest like she’d been waiting to let out a heavy breath.

 

After holding each other for longer than I knew, we finally sat down. For a while, we just kinda looked at one another. I had a lot of shit to say but I didn’t wanna start. 

 

It’s time to come  _ clean. _

 

“I missed you,” she says.

 

I exhaled, “Yeah, fuck, I’ve missed you.”

 

She laughed then, kicking any further tension in the ass until it ran out of the door. 

 

“Goddamn it,” I smiled. “I could look at you all day.”

 

“I won’t stop you.”

 

“It’s just like your smile,” I say, hanging my mouth open for a few moments. Her damn alluring beauty disarming the fuck out of me again. “I can’t look away.”

 

“We gotta look so weird to anyone seeing us right now, just two people staring at each other.”

 

“Let them look, I don’t care about anyone but you.”

 

Her lip twitched, she bit it to keep it in line. The sight made my balls tingle. I had to take my eyes away as to not become totally hot and bothered. “Damn it, you have such a crazy effect on me.”

 

“Does that bother you?”

 

“Not really.”

 

“What are you gonna do about it?”

 

“I’d hate to tear up that sweater.”

 

“I’ve got others.”

 

As awesome as that sounds, we do have a lot to talk about. Gods… I want her. Nope, I gotta stay focused right now. I broke away from her gaze and said, “Dany, we need to talk.”

 

“What about?” she frowned, concerned.

 

I feel like I should just say it, I mean, there’s no point beating around the fucking bush. It’s better to rip this goddamn band-aid off right fucking now.

 

“I’m engaged.”

 

I waited for her to start yelling at me, or get up and leave. Instead, she just stared at me in disbelief I suppose. Her expression was blank, and all was silent around us except Dave is in the back, and the few others eating across the room. 

 

Dany didn’t blink, I tried not to either. Slowly her mouth fell open, and her eyes began to scan over my face. 

 

“What?” She finally said, whispering. 

 

“I’m engaged.”

 

“I fucking heard you,” she snapped, closing her eyes and turning from me. “How long?” She kept her eyes closed. 

 

“I know I should’ve told you earlier—“

 

“I said how long?!” Dany frowned, sitting forward now, anger in her eyes. 

 

Now I left my mouth open, not really knowing what to say. 

 

“Don’t make me ask again.”

 

“Since before,” I replied with a heavy sigh, hanging my head down. 

 

“Since before what?”

 

“The fucking grocery store,” I huffed, staring at the floor. 

 

Then it went really quiet, I felt like everyone was looking at us. I could feel their stare, unlike most times when I’m with Dany and I don’t give a flying fuck about anyone else. Then I heard her back hit the back of the booth, so I looked up. Her expression startled me it was so hostile. 

 

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

 

“I was scared.”

 

“Scared of what?”

 

“Losing you.” At those words, her eyes softened. I continued, “I’d just met you again, and I felt we’d had a connection. Like we’d never had before. You asked me if I had a girlfriend and I was afraid if I told you the truth you’d leave. Which the last fucking thing I wanted. So I lied. I’m sorry but I lied. The moment was too perfect for me let there be any chance it would end. You’ll never understand the gift you gave me that night.”

 

She sighed, avoiding my gaze again. Looking away from me, shaking her head. Then she turned back and spoke, “Why didn’t you say anything before? Like when I told you about Daario.”

 

“I was scared shitless then too.”

 

“How is that an excuse?”

 

“It’s not. But it’s the truth,” I explained, laying my hands on the table. To my disappointment, she stayed against the booth, arms crossed. “But I knew I had to tell you eventually. Things just got… accelerated.”

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“My fiancé found out. Or thought she did.”

 

“Are you fucking kidding me?”

 

“Why would I kid about that?” I scoffed, gesturing at her. “No. She figured it out.”

 

“How?”

 

Then I smirked a bit, “Apparently… you left a scent on me.”

 

She raised an eyebrow, “Seriously?”

 

“That’s what she surmised,” I nodded. 

 

“Who is  _ she  _ anyway?”

 

“You don’t know her. Her name’s Ygritte.”

 

“Ygritte? What kinda name is that?”

 

“She’s from the North, like far North.”

 

“Farther than you?” She asked, I nodded in response. “How far?”

 

“Beyond the Wall.”

 

“Seven hells,” Dany laughed. “How’d you wrangle her?”

 

“She wrangled me,” I said. “You remember how I was. Too terrified to make a move, we both went to KLU. One night Robb dragged me to a party. Ygritte happened to be there. She basically attacked me, now we’re here.”

 

Dany exhaled through her nose, she didn’t say anything for a while. “I don’t know what to say.”

 

“You don’t have to. Let me talk,” I replied quickly. “Okay?”

 

Her response was but a whisper, “Okay.”

 

“Alright,” I cleared my throat before continuing. But also because I really needed to gather my thoughts for a few seconds. To be honest, I’ve got no idea what I’m about to say. I know I need to say something though so I’m gonna. 

 

“That night in the supermarket, I was just there to get a few things for Ygritte. I was so fucking lost. Eventually, I wandered to the ice cream section, and there you were. Like you stepped off of a cloud out of nowhere. Appearing with that goddamn ethereal glow you always had. That always allured me before. I would’ve done anything to stay near that light in High School… and it’s the same now.” 

 

I chose my words carefully, and her expression gave nothing away. Until I reached over the table to take her hands. Only then did I see a crack in her exterior. I held our hands on top of the table, her eyes stuck there. An emotional frown washed over her countenance. 

 

But she didn’t take her hands away. Now it’s just me and her, fuck everyone else. 

 

“Dany, I don’t want to lose you.”

 

“Lose me?” Her voice cracked, so she turned from me. I noticed tears forming. 

 

“That’s right, how could I run you off right after I’ve caught you for the first time?”

 

It’s like when a fisherman catches a great big fucking bass, does he just toss it back? Fuck no.

 

“What are we supposed to do?” She scowled, snapping back to face me. “Run off together like all the children’s stories? Happily ever after?”

 

“I wish,” I sighed. “I wish we could. But there’s too much tying us down here… Which reminds me, there’s something else.”

 

I’d honestly forgotten about the baby until about three seconds ago. Well, better just clear the air while we’re dumping all our shit on the table. 

 

Of course, I couldn’t get the words out, so she said, “What is it, Jon?”

 

I couldn’t stand to look her in the eyes when I said it. So instead I focused on the cars passing by outside, the street lights, and the stoplights changing from red to green. 

 

“Ygritte is pregnant.”

 

Hearing that did make her retract her hands, retreating back from me. I missed her skin instantly as always. Though I still couldn’t look at her. 

 

“Seven hells, Jon,” Dany huffed. “You’re serious?”

 

“I wouldn’t joke about that.”

 

“It’s yours?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“Fuck.”

 

I didn’t feel the need to tell her I’d fucked Ygritte just a few hours before fucking her. That’d probably stay with me until my heart stops. 

 

“Fuck is right... Fuck me is right,” I echoed. “It’s a goddamn shitstorm.”

 

Her next words surprised me. 

 

“What are  _ we gonna  _ do about that?”

 

We? Did she just say we? 

 

“Huh?” I frowned. 

 

She smirked, raising an eyebrow, “You didn’t hear me?”

 

“No, I think I did actually.”

 

“Then what’s the problem?” She frowned, staring at with damn purple eyes. 

 

“Guess I’m just surprised you said ‘we’,” I replied, trying not to get sucked into her gaze. It’s difficult, and I don’t know why I’m avoiding it the first to be one hundred percent honest. 

 

“What’s surprising about that?”

 

“I didn’t expect you’d still want to see me after I told you the truth.”

 

“Why? Because you lied to me?”

 

“Well, yeah.”

 

“Don’t get me wrong, I am angry that you lied to me,” she huffed, expression turning serious for a second. Though it softened again before she spoke next, “What makes me not decide to completely cut you off is what I’d lose.”

 

“What you’d lose?”

 

Her hand slid across the table and opened up for me, I took it. “I didn’t know that… that I could feel this way. You make it worth getting out of bed in the morning this morning. Because I knew I’d be seeing you later.”

 

What? Is this real life? No, this has gotta be some kinda dream.

 

“Ah… Dany, you’ve got to be some kinda angel.”

 

“Hmm?” Dany smiled, leaning back in. I did the same. “You think so?”

 

“Oh yeah.”

 

“Come on, let’s go somewhere and I’ll show you how  _ right you are.” _

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It just got to a point where Jon couldn't hold all this shit. So he decided it came time for him to finally tell Dany the truth. Lucky for him, Dany is kinda on the same page.
> 
> Y'know I'm kinda sorry about the wait, but I didn't appreciate the beating a bunch of you sported after there was one chapter without Ygritte. Not only that, you dared to say that you knew what I'd do next. Saying that Ygritte would be more prominent just because she's fucking pregnant. Ooh, I got real angry. So I didn't fuck with this story about a month.
> 
> SO... here we are. So, lemme just say this now, if you've got some shit to say. Go on and fucking say it, then get out of here. I'm not forcing anyone to read this. If you start to feel unhappy with what I do fine. Please don't read. I won't lose any sleep over it.
> 
> To those of you who will stick around, I thank you. 
> 
> I don't know when I'll update again, I'm not gonna make any promises because I'll feel like shit when I don't keep em. But if all goes to plan we've only got a few left anyway. This story wasn't ever gonna be a bunch of chapters.
> 
> Tell your friends.
> 
> (PS: Yes, this will be Jonerys endgame FFS.)

**Author's Note:**

> Comments let me know what you thought, If you liked this, show some support. I'd love any kind of feedback, and I'll reply to questions. As much as I enjoyed writing this, I'm perfectly fine leaving it as is. That being said, I would also enjoy writing more. So if you loved this as much I did writing it, let me know. I feed on comments, bookmarks, and kudos. Let me have it.
> 
> Tell your friends.


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